Growing up with daddy issues
The odd one out
My biological father had 3 other daughters from a previous marriage, which I never really thought about them as half sisters. I just saw them as my sisters, even though they were kind of treated differently. They all had the full support and love from my father and his family. He went to all of their games and school events, they were all daddy's little princesses. Then there was me. I don't think my father ever really got along all that well with me. He would alway be "too tired" or "busy" during all of my school events. I would even try to go out of my way to join things, just to see if he would come. He never did.
After the divorce
My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade. All of my sisters where out of the house by then so when it came to my fathers visitation, it was just me and him.... and all of his friends, and girlfriends, and other random party goers. I tried to get my dad to like me so when he was partying at 4 in the morning on a tuesday, I would never say a word to my mother. I knew that she would just cause a scene and take him to court. When my dad got a double DUI, he wanted me over all the time, just so I could drive him around, then when he got his license back blow in the breathalyzer for him, which stupidly I did.
Out of control
Over the years his partying got worse and worse. I had to call the cops multiple times for crazy girlfriends breaking into the house and stealing stuff. He would be partying when I had to be up for school or work in the morning, and it wouldn't help saying anything because they would just want me to join them. I would get locked out of the house just so people could do drugs and have sex. I got so mad one night, I tried breaking a beer bottle over my dads head because he told me I was too much of a pussy to do it.
I started to go over less and less, not caring what he thought of me. He would always tell me how proud of my sisters he was, so I figured there was no use in trying to live up to them. I slowly started moving more and more stuff out of his house until there was nothing left.
From hero to zero
He was such a great dad to my sisters, and I am thankful that they got him while he was still a great man, they deserve it. But they see him now and start to see what I have seen the past few years. They see this once great man deteriorate in front of them from all of the drug and alcohol abuse. They never believed me about how horrible it was just to be around him, until he started showing up to their children's birthday parties drunk or on meth, with his flusy girlfriend at the time. They now know, and start to apologize to me, because they never had to witness that. which I witnessed it every tuesday and wednesday. It was once a weekly thing for me.
Hoping for a brighter future
As the years go by I wish there was something I could do for him. I've tried talking to him, nothing helps. I don't even want him to change for me. I want him to change for his grandchildren. I never had a relationship with my grandparents (mostly because my grandpa was a lot like my dad) so I know how it feels. I want my children t know my dad and have a good relationship with him. I want them to make great memories together, but unfortunately I know that will never happen. I am just thankful that I have a great stepdad that my children love. I also have an amazing father in-law that has been there for me since I was 16.
I know I don't have it the worst but it always is hard when your parent chooses drugs or other things above you. I always put my children first, they are the most important thing in the world to me, and that's where me and my father are different.
You not wanting me was the beginning of me wanting myself, thank you