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Hey Girls! Be Smart, Not Stupid! - Hub 9 - Boys

Updated on August 8, 2010

Preface

The content of this chaptered article of information is intended to enlighten and encourage young girls by promoting mentally and emotionally healthy attitudes in preparation for adulthood.

The content is written for general knowledge and is not meant to replace or supercede parental or professional guidance.

Any words you read that you don’t understand…look them up in the dictionary! It will help expand your vocabulary. Oh, and when you are finished... read it all over again!

The entire article is broken into hub chapters to make for an easier and more interesting reading experience. It's best to start at Hub 1 - Introduction and proceed to the next hub chapter by clicking the link at the end of each section.    ______________________

Hey Girls! Hub 9 - Boys

If you are under fifteen years old this topic could just make you giggle. If it brings a smile to your face then possibly you are doing OK. If it brings tears to your eyes then something is wrong.

This is a very important topic, pay close attention.

The most significant thing to remember when you start becoming interested in boys is YOURSELF. If you aren’t happy being yourself you cannot be happy in a relationship with someone else. It is a mistake to want to be with someone to be ‘complete’, or feel better, or just to feel loved. Hey! you must first feel complete by yourself, you must first feel good about yourself, and you must first feel the love for yourself. A young woman’s self-worth, self- esteem, and self-respect are the foundations of her life. Without these three attributes she can prepare for being used and abused.

How do you acquire these three attributes, you ask? First you have to know yourself.

Determine where you stand with each of the three ideals mentioned above…

Self-worth – this refers to how much you feel valued as being the unique person you are. Everyone is fairly similar as human beings, like having hair and arms and legs, eyes and ears, needing food and water, etc. But there are many other factors that make us all different and one of those factors is the personality. Your personality reflects the characteristics that make you YOU! How you act, think, feel, and present yourself when relating to others shows your personality. And often your feelings about your self-worth will show through your personality. And since everyone reacts differently to the ‘problems’ in their lives, your way of showing or hiding these problems may reflect in your personality. So if you think badly about yourself or your life it will show through how you behave. And often those negative behaviors are noticed by others and people will form opinions about you that will damage your credibility.

Self-esteem – this refers to how you feel about who you are, not who you wish you were, but every real fact about yourself…your looks, your weight, your hair, your intelligence, shyness, etc. How you feel about yourself has a direct affect on your feelings of self-worth. It’s being honest to yourself about yourself for whom and what you are – and finding a way to love yourself anyway. Most all of us wish we could be beautiful, rich and famous…but most of us aren’t!... and we cannot get upset about that! What we can do is to be grateful that our mothers gave birth to us so we can be alive and able to take the opportunities to experience life!

Having a good level of self-esteem enables us to look for and take advantage of the opportunities available to have a good life. It gives you the self-confidence you need to want to be a successful person. Your confidence is the little voice inside you that tells you “I Can Do It”! Without enough confidence you’ll be too afraid to take the steps necessary to succeed because you may worry about being rejected or being a failure. Do remember this…all of us experience failure…it’s a fact of life, but how you handle the failure is what’s important. You must always consider failure as a learning experience to help you avoid the same mistakes when try again.

Be determined to succeed!

Self-respect – this refers to how you treat yourself and how you expect others to treat you. When your self-esteem and self-worth are healthy they give you the ability to treat yourself well because you know you are a good human being. Some examples are:

  1. Presenting yourself decently by the clothes you wear, your grooming habits, how you talk to people and how you act

  2. Being honest and considerate of others

If you are a low-life, liar, cheater, abuser, sloppy, loud, ignorant, untrustworthy, or selfish…your self-respect is suffering. And people will not like or respect you because you won’t deserve to be. And don’t kid yourself by thinking it won’t matter to you that nobody likes you, that’s silly…because we all have the natural need to be loved and accepted to some degree. You don’t want to be feared or lonely, because people may only accommodate respect for you because they are afraid of you, and people will avoid you when they are afraid, thus leaving you quite lonely. Also, having a lack of self-respect leaves you open to be hurt by others with no self-respect. Those people will prey on others they think are weak or easy targets. You don’t want to be abused! Protect yourself…have self-respect!

When you are able to show respect for yourself it will be easier for others to treat you with respect and enable you to recognize when you are not being respected. This can show every time that you interact with other people. Some examples are:

  1. Not letting yourself be abused or mistreated

  2. Not letting a service worker treat you poorly…like a cashier, waitress, bus driver etc. (Anyone who is getting paid to provide you with a service)

  3. Not letting people take advantage of you

  4. Recognizing discrimination

When you encounter situations that test your self-respect always remember that it’s your responsibility to keep your own self-respect intact. So if something happens…before you open your mouth, try to think clearly and consider your reactions to minimize possible consequences. A healthy self-respect will prevent you from losing control and acting a fool! Such behavior makes you lose the respect of others, and you don’t want that to happen. And also, you will feel better about being mature enough to maintain your self-control. Remember, you will need to get a grip on your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect while you are a teenager to save you a lot of grief when you become an adult.

LISTEN! No matter where you live, whether it’s in a city, town, suburban neighborhood, a ghetto, or trailer park; or how much money you have now, or how bleak you future may look right now – You have the power to turn the negatives into positives. It does take time. You must remember that you will not be a child forever. Time does pass and it will do so faster than you realize. Keep your mind set to your goals and plan how you will accomplish each step along the way.

Now please do not confuse having healthy levels of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect with selfishness. Being selfish is not one of the aspects of a good personality.

So after reading this section, determine where you stand with the three attributes. Before you go ahead with another day of your life check yourself ! If you realize that you are lacking a good level of self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem, you must first work on the changes you need to make for yourself to help you to be a better person for yourself!

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