ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How To Teach Your Children To Lose Gracefully

Updated on October 15, 2010

We can't all win all the time. Teaching a child this is an important social skill and should be learned early. We want our children to strive to do their best and at the same time, accept that sometimes it doesn't mean we will win but that there is always next time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7930204@N04/2247358543/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7930204@N04/2247358543/

Ways To Teach A Toddler To Lose Gracefully

A toddler is at the perfect age to begin to learn to group games and that winning is great, but it is not everything.

  • Winning is great but there is always second place!

If you are playing a game with your toddler and it is just the two of you. Do not allow them to win every game. Playing fairly against them with just a little assistance teaches them to think and contemplate how to really play a game. Memory games, Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, and Don't Break the Ice are great starter games.

You may find that they do quite well without you having to play down your game. My daughter for instance can beat anyone in our house at Memory Game. She doesn't win every-time, but more then not she does.

We make a big deal when she wins. When she doesn't win, we still make a big deal that someone else one, and then we congratulate my daughter that she got second place. We make it so that It's not I win and you lose, but I win and YAH! You got second place.

  • Teach your toddler that they'll get it the next time.

Empahsize that even if they didn't win or if they got second place, that you bet they are going to win really soon.

Things To Avoid When Trying To Teach Losing Gracefully

  • Do not start stressing to them what they could have done to win.

Your child already feels bad, even if you mean the best by it, trying to tell them what they could or should have done does not help the situation. Instead, wait for a later time when they are in a better mood if you feel you have positive constructive criticism to give.

  • Never get angry when they've lost

You didn't win everything either, don't have expectations that they will.

  • Do not offer treats or gifts for winning, and hold them back if they lose

You child is under enough pressure, doing this will cause even more and make them feel that when they lose they do not have your approval

Ways To Teach A School Age Child To Lose Gracefully

The tips above can apply to older children as well. In addition to those...

  • Congratulate what they accomplished

There team may not have won the soccer game, but emphasizing the amazing plays will build up your child's moral and self confidence. They feel awful that they lost, but they can feel good about what a great pass they made or goal they scored.

  • Talk to them about you own loses and how you still loved what you did anyway

Give you children examples of when you've been in their situation can make them see that they are not the only person that has ever lost a game or competition. Talk about times you lost something in your youth and how upset you felt, but how you still loved playing anyway.

  • Encourage them to congratulate others

If the other person or team always won, then that would mean someone else lost. Reminding them that whoever they lost to doesn't always win either and that they should be congratulated on a job well done when they do win.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Papa Sez profile image

      Papa Sez 

      8 years ago from The Philippines to Canada

      Hi sunstreeks,

      Our school-age daughter is very competitive and doesn't want to lose. But when she does, we emphasize her effort (or how tight the competition was, only if it really was) and tell her she'll do better next time. That seems to be working or getting into her system.

      I'll try your suggestion about congratulating the winner. Thanks.

    • profile image

      Royal Diadem 

      9 years ago

      I have three grandchildren, thank you for this article, I have learned some helpful tips.

    • teeray profile image

      teeray 

      10 years ago from Canada

      I like the idea that you make a big deal when your daughter doesn't win at something - and that you make a big deal about second place, too! That makes a lot of sense. Very positive. Thank you for this great hub!

    • sunstreeks profile imageAUTHOR

      sunstreeks 

      10 years ago from Western Washington

      thanks! I'll see if I can work them a little later on. I appreiciate your suggestion.

    • rajasekharan profile image

      rajasekharan 

      10 years ago

      Wow! great guide.

      Could use better ad placements though ;)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)