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How To Handle Puberty: The Progressive Parents Guide
Often on social media, we come across meme, stories, open letters that address our children, their dating life and their sexualities. These 'iconic' statements when really looked at, however show very negative values and teachings.
Statements like "No one can date my little girl" shows your daughter and others that you do not think she knows her own value or is very intelligent. It also shows how a father views his daughter like a possession, basically oppressing her.
When it comes to many religious groups we hear expressions like "masturbation is wrong" and these teachings are very damaging and unhealthy to your child identity and sexuality.
Among the conservative communities we often hear sayings like "Abstinence is the only way" but they offer no support, just unrealistic expectations with the way society is now/
Regardless of the saying, it all boils down to the same issue very little alternatives are discussed, with kids on how to achieve an appropriate sexual relationship without actual sex.
This article is for parents who are
- Open minded
- Looking out for what is best for their kids - NOT THEM
- Hoping to teach their child self-worth, respect, value, and age appropriate sexualities.
When it comes to teens and sex the age of experimenting can range anywhere from prepubescent 10+ to early twenties. Either way, the most important thing for your child to make the right choice is well-rounded information.The most often paths taken are the discussion of complete abstinence or the practice of safe sex, leaving the spectrum of sexual discovery pretty narrow.
Why are these two the mainly used options? This is because some parents fall into ‘parental myths’ while other parents may feel they have no control so they might as well teach their teens to be safe.
A lot of the time when adults teach abstinence they only discuss the choice of no or very limited (kissing) contact among teen couples or teens in general.
Why is this an issue? Teens have sexual urges and desires beyond their control, it's a physiological response to their bodies starting the adult transition. To expect overly hormonal adolescents to withstand from any sexual contact is unlikely, and as adults, we know how hard it can be to stop once you’ve started even if your intentions weren’t to have sex.
How Can Parents Find a More Balanced Place on the Spectrum?
Realistic abstinence is the best way to help your teens sexual development.
What is realistic abstinence? Having real world expectations of your child's natural urges and body changes. This also means have a more informed discussion of sex. Meaning not only about sex with partners but self-gratification as well.
Achievable Abstinence Guide
In this breakdown, you’ll explore the four main components to teaching realistic abstinence.
Setting Real World Boundaries
This means discussing with your teen that while you want to restrain from sex until being older, emotionally ready and with the right person, you understand that they have needs and relationships contain intimacy. Explore age appropriate boundaries such as kissing, light-fondling, and dry-humping (doing the rhythms of sex but with your clothes; Extreme grinding).
2 Steps to Self Satisfaction
Step 1 Appropriate Visual Aids
This means allowing you teen access to appropriate, healthy, beginner (mild) pornography such as Penthouse magazine's and/or straight-edge porn videos (nothing to extreme; The basics of sex).
There are cautions to this, however, teens when left to hide or discover their own pornography videos stumble upon voyeur (third party view) most often and extreme categories. What are the downfalls of this? Research has shown an increase of risque sex such as cuckolding or multiples at one time when adults due to overexposure of voyeur style. As well as overexposure to some categories may create fetishes or give your child unrealistic expectations of sex and their sexual partners, for example, boys expecting their girlfriends to act like the actresses in porn and engage in more risque acts such as anal. How to combat these possible issues? Choosing a point of view or p.o.v. videos that have a more wholesome, starters guide to sex.
Non-assisted masturbation (using only hands) can become boring, and may even lead to your teen having sex earlier in order to experience a new sensation. How can I prevent this? Teaching your child about sexual toys (aids) appropriate for their sexual orientation such as a male masturbator which come in varieties of three options vaginal, anal, and mouth; Clitoral stimulators, vibrators, or dildo’s.
These three steps encourage self-awareness, self-pleasure, confidence, self-worth, healthy masturbation, dating, and foreplay. This shows your child that they have options in their sexual relationships or even single life allowing them more time to focus on outside things like school while staying safer.
Explain the Reality of Promiscuous Teens
While pregnancy and STDs/STIs are a huge factor in the discussion of safe sex, a lot of their ones may be left out.
Safe Sex Topics and Consequences of Promiscuity
Higher STDs/STIs - A great example to show your teen that a vast majority of people don’t know about but, is definitely a scare you straight on the site is Blue Waffle Disease.
Future regret it may even take years but most of us end up regretting, at least, sexual partner and for a lot of people it sadly is their first time since it was meaningless; Usually felt a societal pressure even without any ridicule.
Shame, whether this comes from within or bullying from peers shame over sexual experience affects many people.
Loss of self-respect and self-worth can be associated with promiscuous sex or doing sexual acts undesired to just fulfill a partner's need, this affects people regardless of age.
Increased risk of cervical cancer in girls and women both the number of sexual partners and age of virginity loss may contribute to an unhealthier cervix even causing cancer. While shots like Gardasil may help to prevent H.V.P. and cervical cancer they are not 100% effective and in quite a few cases have caused extreme side effects as this is a relativity new medicine made with a lot of filler.
It’s important to stress the fact that you know (you have been there) that while their emotions, minds, and bodies may appear ready, mimicking on all the signs of being ready. They do not know how they will be after, how their partner will be after, nor do they need to add the stress that is being a teen in high school.
Benefits for the Parentals
Having this mature, open, honest dialogue with your child will help them grow self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. They will become comfortable to confide in you about anything and everything. This type of bond will show your child that you not only trust them and their judgement but you respect them as well. This helps your teen develop a strong sense of self, leaving them less likely to have a void or lack of happiness that they’ll try to fill with another person or with sexual relations.