How To Make Virginity Desirable and Respectable
Focus for a few minutes on the real significance of virginity , and discover a very positive approach that can make it interesting and desirable to the youth.
How young is too young for this discussion? If a young girl can understand the concept of a “private garden” with a No Trespassing sign, she can participate. "Private garden" is the imagery used in the Song of Solomon (4:12) to describe a virgin.
If a young boy can appreciate a garden so beautiful (5:1) that he is tempted to trespass, he also can understand. Both boys and girls can appreciate the significance of something precious and invaluable.
They can also understand the following positive features of virginity (the state of being untouched sexually).
MSNBC reported in August 2010, that a study of 1200 girls from New York’s East Harlem, the greater Cincinnati metropolitan area and the San Francisco Bay area, revealed breast development in girls as young as seven. Here is one good reason to teach young girls about sexuality in a way that equips them with good behavioral principles and at the same time enhance their self-esteem.
Text-book terms and diagrams can be useful in teaching the biology, as well as the spiritual truth that their bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
As early as seven, children can be taught that female bodies are like beautiful gardens to be admired, but not explored:
- That certain female body parts - pouty lips, breasts, thighs, hips—increase female attraction, like the flowers in the garden increase the onlookers' admiration.
- That these same features attract males who want to get close, to touch, to explore.
- That touching gives a good feeling to both the male and the female, and arouses their desire to have sex.
- That the enjoyment of such an experience is reserved for adults who love each other enough to get married.
- That children and young adults who are not ready for marriage would enjoy sexual touching and satisfaction much more if they reserve the experience for sharing with their spouses.
- That in marriage, the sexual experience is like a gardener enjoying his own beautiful, private garden which nobody else has explored.
- That love and sex are not the same; and that there are non-sexual ways to show love.
As the children mature, find opportunities to share the same concepts in greater detail:
- That the first sexual experience should be a great event—like unlocking the gate to a precious garden so the dedicated gardener could enter. True love waits for a sexual extravaganza, in which the gardener takes his time pleasuring the flowers and enjoying the fragrance without being on the lookout as if were a trespasser.
- That virginity is lost when the sexual partners share themselves and move on as though it never happened, either because they were too callous or too young to be committed.
- Virginity is not lost when a husband and wife enjoy each other in a committed relationship that allows them to give and receive mutually.
Sex is an adult event best reserved for the wedding night. (Perhaps rushed, untimely sex is one reason that many children and even adults who suffer sexual abuse are disturbed and angry for the rest of their lives. Sex outside marriage lacks the love which gives it true satisfaction).
The chances of young people adopting and enjoying the garden-gardener concept increase if they are taught to respect God, to respect themselves, to respect others. Because of respect for His Word which says that their bodies are His temples:
- They will choose to maintain their purity and garden-beauty.
- They will reject other destructive practices like drug and alcohol intake which impair judgment.
- They will rely on Him for the strength and courage to practice self-respect, respect for the other person and self-control.
- They will accept His purity principles as the boundaries around gardens and instructions for gardeners.
Because of respect for themselves and others:
- They will count the cost of losing their virginity with someone who is not ready or not committed enough to become a spouse.
- They will consider how their selfish actions can affect their future spouse who also wants a respectable private garden.
269 Polled on TeenHelp.Org
- Abstinence Education for Teens
It's not something most of them actually enjoy.
The reward for virginity is not necessarily an early or a good marriage; and should not be presented as such. That can happen, but there are also other rewards:
- In the earliest years, the reward is the good fortune of escaping a meaningless sexual encounter with the self-worth of the garden and gardener still in tact.
- Later, it may be the extraordinary ability to change gears from the physical to the spiritual in extraordinary, tempting situations.
- Always, it is the joy of being an example and encouragement to another young person who is searching for friendship and moral guidance.
After a late-night date, he walked her to the door. They said their goodbyes, then he tried to kiss her.
“Please, don’t ruffle the petals,” she said, pushing him away gently.
“What petals?” he asked with a confusing look on his face.
She explained that she thought of herself as a rose and did not allow a stranger to trespass in her rose garden; that contamination or loss of her petals left an incompleteness which could never be replaced; that she could not compromise her value by sharing herself with someone she had not yet proven worthy of her. She told him that she was reserving her kiss for a committed love relationship. He knew then, that they weren't going to have sex either.
“I’ve never heard of that,” he said after a while, “but I like it.”
They continued dating, and he actually enjoyed the relationship but it did not last. Their families moved away and they were not mature enough to commit to a long-distance relationship. They parted with no regrets.
The reward was a satisfying love relationship without regrets for the present or the future. Their self-respect and respect for each other outlasted the relationship. Such young people also tower above the crowd with the respect of their peers. They are in great demand!
Virginity becomes desirable when it is presented as a positive, rewarding feature of a happy, productive life.
© 2011 Dora Isaac Weithers