ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How To Raise Great Kids

Updated on October 3, 2011

It's Not About Luck

"You are SO lucky!"

I don't know how many times over the past few decades I've heard that phrase in reference to my well accomplished children. I'm not bragging--but seriously, I hear it a lot. And even though I know that the polite response is, "Thank you so much! We're very proud of her!" and though that is the response I give, what I really want to do is tell the truth. The truth is that luck has VERY little to do with raising a well rounded, happy, stable, successful human being and I wish people would stop waiting for LUCK to step up and do the heavy lifting involved in parenting.

I can't tell people how to raise their kids. But I CAN talk about how I raised mine. So I will.

Stop Focusing On Superficial Details And Start Paying Attention To The Subtlties

There are many totally involved parents out there who are baffled by the the ghastly behavior and or personalities of the children they are working so hard to raise. They are flabbergasted when these kids decide to smoke, do drugs, become teenage parents, drop out of high school, drop out of college, use harsh language, refuse to get a job, refuse to move out, refuse to be nice and so on. They will tell anyone who will listen, "I did EVERYTHING for that boy! I don't understand why he is acting like this!" If I could, I would tell them, "You over-parented your child and therefore under-raised him. So...what to do...? Do this stuff--and start when they're young if you can...

1) Participate. This does not mean that you must or even should sign them up for every activity that all of the cool kids are into and them drive them from event to event, practice to practice all the while wearing a T Shirt with the name of your over-indulged child on the back. What it means is that you should care about the activities he or she chooses and show up when you should. Pay attention and be proud but remember the children need some limits. They need to know that the entire existence of your family unit does not revolve around their personal agenda. Limit those activities that take considerable time away from the family to a reasonable number. Be a family made up of participating members not support team made of personal assistants.

2) Listen. That's it. Super easy. When your child comes home from school or a friend's house or where ever and tries to tell you a story JUST LISTEN. Don't interrupt, don't judge, don't correct her grammar, don't question small details, don't tell her what she SHOULD have done. Don't, don't, don't. Just remember that you are setting the stage for the coming years. You are training her to come to you when she needs to talk, and you really do not want to mess up this lesson. If something comes up during her story that concerns you, make a personal note to address it later--preferably in some unrelated context. Please don't confuse this point with giving your child advice when he or she comes to you for it. Always keep that door open. But when they just want to talk to you, let them.

3) Teach Them To Respect You.You don't do this by forcing them to call you "Sir" and making sure that you always have the last word in an argument. Please. The lesson of respect is made of consistent behavior on a daily basis and it is fraught with subtleties but it is also the easiest to teach if you just do it. REMEMBER: that if you behave as if you are your child's servant, he will see you that way and if he sees YOU that way he will treat other adults that way as well. Don't clean his room for him, pick up his messes for him, clear his plate from the dinner table, make excuses for him, allow him to ignore you when you're speaking to him, allow him to delay when you ask him to do something, interrupt you when you are speaking, etc... DO: assign him chores, require his participation in family activities that are not all about him, have expectations of him...it's not that hard.

4) Think Before You Speak This is huge. Think before you speak TO them and think before you speak IN FRONT of them. That's probably all that needs to be said about that.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)