How to parent our children during difficult times?
What a difficult situation, as a parent, to guide our children through times of strong resistance. Do we nag? Do we suggest? Do we insist on trying to protect them from the pain of failure?
There are no real answers ~ at least ~ none that work across the board. There is not just one solution which has worked for me, 100% of the time.
"Pause when agitated" is my motto. It has been a great tool to still the body and give my mind time to reflect. When we give our mind time to get quiet, it permits us from saying things too quickly. And, for me, usually it keeps me from saying things which I may later regret.
By pausing and thinking, we are able to ask ourselves "What would we need, if we were in the same situation?" Amazingly, if we give our children space, and an opportunity to get centered on their feelings, their actions may surprise us.
Giving our children time to go within, teaches them self reliance. Helping them to "go within," is about finding faith and establishing self confidence. To let our children know that we trust that they can handle situations, gives them confidence in themselves.
This is empowering for both the parent and a child. This process takes time, practice and courage. Try it. You may be surprised, that the right answers will come. I've found that by listening and being a sounding board, our children are less reluctant to feel that they can't come to us with their problems.
We do need to give our children the opportunity to grow into mature and independent adults. Just for today, pause, and say absolutely nothing. Listen. I have found that this works for me. It works in almost all of my relationships.
Usually, when I quiet myself and open a channel, to listen, people will speak. How many times do you feel motivated to try and "fix it?" Unfortunately, it's not always easy to wait, while we see someone emotionally suffering.
The "pausing when agitated," actually has saved me a lot of times. What is most interesting, is how simple, this rule actually is. It has been instrumental in allowing my daughter to come to me. It has encouraged her to put her arms around her own feelings. And, when she is ready, she can discuss it with me.
I've found that by allowing my child to think things through, it has given her the confidence that I trust her. Trust and respect seem to be extremely invaluable tools, which help all relationships grow. By creating a little space, before reacting, the communication is much more affective.
"Pause when agitated!" It is worth trying. I'd love to hear back from anyone that agrees or disagrees.