Effective Parenting

How to parenting effectively is probably the most difficult, yet the most rewarding job that we have in our lifetime. Even a 1 year old child begins to develop self-esteem as they see themselves through their parent eyes.

Your children are acutely aware of your tone of voice, your body language and the expression on your face. Raising a child for even a small accomplishment is an effective way to build his or her self-esteem. Using comments that belittled the child will make them feel worthless particularly name-calling, such as Stupid.

I was in the grocery store the other day and a mother was pushing her grocery cart with a screaming child that I would guess was about three. The mother was yelling at the child, which only enhanced the screaming and the child looked exhausted. It made me wonder if the child had eaten lunch and why she wasn't getting an afternoon nap, since it was about 1:30 PM. It is impossible to reason with young children when they're hungry and tired.

As a parent it is important to have a routine for your child where they eat and map roughly at the same time each day and then plan your errands around that routine.

Most people want to be good parents, but parents often make many mistakes as they expect the children to be perfectly behaved at times when they're unlikely to be successful. One problem is parents are often too negative, yelling at them to: "Stop pushing your brother", "Pickup those toys right now" and endless other commands are repeated frequently.

Hitting or slapping a baby or toddler is not effective as they are unlikely to be able to make the connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They do not have the ability to reason until they are a little bit older.

Children need boundaries, as it makes them feel safe, and they will be better behaved when they understand their limits. If the parents say “no” too frequently the children just become immune to the word, so it loses its power. It is best to reach the heart of your child, rather than use just rewards and punshments.

It is more important to tell children what they should be doing, than it is to tell them what they shouldn't be doing. Focus more fully on telling your children how you would like them to behave. A good example is “We don't touch the top of the stove or the pans because they burn fingers” rather than yelling, “No touching the stove.” When children are behaving it is good to offer praise to reinforce the good behavior.

It takes a lot of patience by parents and repetition for the children to learn to handle themselves appropriately. Teach your children to come to you if you called their name instead of staying where they are and yelling" What".

This will help your child learn self-control and sometimes they have to give up what they're doing in order to do something else. If you start early communicating with your child in a positive fashion they will eventually get the message.

Parents often assume that their children know more than they do. Children have poor impulse control when they are young. If you have your child in a restaurant and they are yelling it is embarrassing, and all you want to do is shut them up.

Instead of threats speak softly to your child telling them how you want them to behave by saying something like, “I'm being quiet in the restaurant so I don't bother other people, and if you want to say something to daddy or me you could whisper it."

Demonstrate this behavior by whispering to your child, and they may even think it's a game, but they will often quiet down quickly. Giving your child a paper and a crayon to color on while waiting for the food is a great distraction and it usually works.

If you're driving and another car cut you off and if you get mad and call the driver of the other car some rude name your child is listening. If we are people that yell, then our children are probably going to act the same way.

It's not that we can be perfect all the time, but we can shoot for most of the time. If we are having a bad day and yell just saying, “I'm sorry” shows your child that you are accountable for your actions. Plus, if the child is old enough, you will have a chance to talk about why you reacted the way you did.

It's common for parents to intervene and shout when their children are simply annoying, like chasing each other around the house. You can choose to ignore them if safety is not an issue, or if they're being too rowdy did you give them a timeout.

The three types of attention are: positive attention, negation attention or no attention. It is so important to give your child positive attention when they are behaving properly.

Sometimes children are acting out just to seek attention. For instance, if your six-year-old is playing his recorder with load noise you might try ignoring him for a few minutes as if you don't react quite often they will just stop, and you will be a lot calmer if you avoid a shouting match with your child.

It is important to set limits with your children, and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game.

The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent, because if it's wrong this time, it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining, because when you do that there will be more whining next time.

It is important to set limits with your children and there should be consequences when they don't follow the rules. Homework or chores should be done before watching TV or playing with other toys. Just turn off the TV or the video game. The most important thing about setting limits is to be consistent because if it's wrong this time it needs to be wrong each time. Good parenting is always consistent, clear and firm. Once you say no is best to stay the course and not give in to begging or whining because when you do that there been a big and wine even more next time around.

Some children are more difficult to train then others. If you send your three-year-old to his room for hitting his brother and he starts hitting his head on the floor in a rage it's time for you to step in. Try using a time-in rather than a time-out, which is meant to be a chance for a child to calm down, and is not a punishment.

Since you want to teach your children how you want them to behave, this would be a time where you sit quietly with your child and hold him to get him settled down. Once he is calmed down explain why his behavior is not okay. If you are too angry to comfort him, take a short timeout and calm down before you try talking to your child.

You could ask him or her, "What can you do instead of hitting your brother when he grabs your toys?" Hopefully this will make him think about hitting his brother and what he can do differently. Listen carefully to what your child has to say, but be firm about the fact that having a temper tantrum and banging his head on the floor is completely unacceptable.

If your child is one that whines frequently it is best to get down to their level and explain how his actions need to change, and that it is very important to you that his or her actions change. If this doesn't work you will have to come up with an alternative plan, which may be not allowing them to play with toys until the whining stops or they may go to their bedroom and not come out until the whining stops. Whining is one of the most annoying things that children can do so it's good to stop them when they're very young so it doesn't become a habit.

Since all children are different at times, you have to try different discipline techniques sometimes. One child might respond to a verbal reminder about what is acceptable, while another may throw a temper tantrum.

The punishment should always fit the crime. Parents should decide what the boundaries are for their children, and parents should be consistent with the each other. The goal is to raise children that have a good self-esteem, know how to behave in such public and at home.

The copyright, renewed in 2018, for this article is owned by Pamela Oglesby. Permission to republish this article in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.