- Family and Parenting
How to Parent as a Team
Parent against Parent
Parenting is a difficult job and it is always best to sit down with your partner before you have kids to discuss how you would like to raise them because once they are there and you have different ideas on how you would like them to grow up, this will cause problems within the home and the children will eventually be the ones to suffer.
Parenting is not a job that is done from opposite sides and as parents you need to both be a team that has a strong bond so that you can work together to ensure your kids have a future with solid family values, morals and a good foundation that the both have you have built for them to go out into the world and recreate what you have taught them.
If you do not have the same views and ideas about parenting and you are at each others throats about how to raise your kids then the children will find a gap to manipulate one or the other parent into doing what they want and that means that you have lost your battle in being the parent of the home and your children could end up running your household with very serious problems to deal with in the future.
Some people believe that discipline is needed and others feel that kids should have the freedom to roam around doing whatever they want but at the end of the day as parents you need to be a team that stands together as one in order for your children to have a balanced life.
Often one parent will go against another parent by ignoring a punishment or something that the other parent has told the child to do and if this happens often enough it shows a lack of respect and this will be mirrored by the children towards the other parent, which can make life vey frustrating for everyone in the home and the parent that has been disregarded will feel inadequate and helpless which will either make them feel despondent as a parent or they will eventually lose interest in parenting and this will take its toll on the children.
Parents need to stick together as parents and children need to see that mom and dad mean business and that they have a bond that cannot be broken. If a child can find a gap in the system then they will use it to their advantage and you will have a divide in the home and children learning to manipulate you in order to get what they want.
It is very important to be parents together and if there is a disagreement or a difference of opinion it is always best to view these thoughts away from the children so that they cannot hear that mom and dad are in a debate about parenting.
The number one rule about parenting is to be parents together and if you have rules in place then both parents need to stand together as a team so that the children can see that mom and dad are serious and that they need to pay attention to the rules.
Kids need to know that they have two parents who have a strong bond and this builds a good foundation for them. They need to know that mom and dad are a team and if one parent says something then the other parent will agree so they cannot play one against the other. If they see that this can be done then they will find a gap and your home will be run by your children and lets be honest; children cannot lead parents as this will just be anarchy.
It is very important to ensure that you have rules in place for your children and that they understand that there are rules to follow and that they have to obey them. You do not have to be extremely strict to have rules and it doesn't mean that you are a bad or mean parent if you have rules because this teaches your kids that there are rules and they need to follow them to avoid any kind of issues in the future.
Schools have rules, work has rules and in life there are certain rules to follow so it is best that they learn this at home before they go out into the big world and get into trouble because they ignored rules.
Chores are important too as this gives them some responsibility and they understand that they can be rewarded for good and punished for bad.
It is very important to set some moral values and let your children know that you both have certain ideals in life that you need to ensure that they continue with when they are older.
Teach them humility, kindness and love so that they can pay it forward when they are out on their own.
Faith is extremely important too as they need to believe in something whether you do or not, they need to have faith.
Make sure that as parents you both stand together with the same values and morals so that the kids can understand that the foundation which you are building is a strong one that gives them a clear picture of how life should be when they grow older and have to face the world on their own.
Stand together as one because if there is a break in the authority and one parent goes against the other then your children will have no respect for either of you and they will never listen to a word that you say.
Parents to do List
Parents who have grown up in different homes with either parents who were too strict or parents who were not really concerned will naturally have a different view on parenting. In order for children to listen and respect you both parents have to have the same views and ideals as well as the same instructions for their children. Punish them when they have done wrong and reward them when they have done well.
Parents need to discuss how they are going to raise their kids and whether they want to instil discipline in the home or whether they would like to let their kids roam free and run their household.
There are a number of things that you need to decide on before you have your children.
You need to establish what kind of parents you are going to be and you both need to agree on that before you bring a child into the world.
Parents who cannot agree on parenting methods will have a difficult time being good parents as you will have a divide which will not be healthy.
Make a list of responsibilities or chores for the kids to do and come up with rewards and punishments that you both agree on.
Building a foundation for your kids starts with parents being mature, respectful and loveable towards each other so that your knowledge can build a solid foundation for your children to remember and carry through one day. Establish how you intend on teaching your children moral values, life lessons and the meaning of life so that they have a foundation for when they are growing up.
Establishing right from wrong is so important and you need to instil this into them at an early age because leaving it too long can take a serious toll on your children and damage their future.
You need to put away the irresponsible streak and think like a grown up and a parent so that your children can learn from you.
The effects of two parents on opposite sides can be damaging to the children and they are the only ones that suffer at the end of it all. Having two parents who cannot agree on anything can make a child extremely confused or it will take away the respect that you should both gain from your children.
Without respect you have no relationship and this is not just for the parents but for the kids too. Fighting against another parents decision or bad mouthing a parent to a child can allow for the child to assume that they do not need to listen to or respect that parent which will cause frustration and a battle to get your child to stay on the right track.
You do your children no favours by disrespecting the other parent as they will learn to manipulate you both into getting what they want and they will see you as weak and when they are old enough, will be able to control your home.
A child without rules and a solid foundation is a lost child that will end up being a bully or being bullied, getting into trouble at school which will eventually lead to them being isolated from their peers as nobody will want to be friends with the child that lies, cheats, steals and manipulates their way through life. At the end of all of that once they are teens, you will be so sorry that the both of you did not team up together to give your child the necessary foundation and security that it needed as you either have to spend your time at the school principal or at a prison bailing them out.
The choice is yours to make and you do not have to be extreme but you do have to focus on being parents and giving your children a balance that is needed for them to grow up in a healthy way.
Parents that are on opposite teams will have no respect and you will never be able to handle your children in a good and healthy way.
Why Parents Argue about Their Kids
Sometimes it is guilt that makes a parent weaker than the other and they feel that if they have not spent time with their kids than it is easy to be able to just let them do what they want. It can also be that they themselves were raised in a home where nobody cared about what they were doing and so they repeat the behavioural pattern of their upbringing or it can be that there was too strict a parent and they refuse to have any sort of discipline for their own children.
A lot of the time it is just an inactive parent that gets manipulated by a child by "crocodile tears" and huge amounts of guilt thrown onto them by the child, which allows the parent to feel bad and fall for the child's manipulative behaviour.
It can also often be that one parent fears the other one is getting more love and respect and with this they feel threatened and so they try to give in to the children to win them over. Homes that this happens in are usually divorced or widowed homes because in most cases parents who have raised the children together as their own have no competition.
At the end of it all you need to understand that your children learn from you both and what you project they reflect. A good home needs peace and love so that your children can grow up with a solid foundation.
Before you think about raising your voice to your spouse or reprimanding them in front of your kids, think of the effect that has on your family and if should you feel threatened by a spouse in some way.......GROW UP!!! After all you are an adult and a parent that is looked up to by little people following your lead.
How to Change the Dynamics in Parenting
If you have been at each others throats about your kids and it has gone as far as your children never listening to either of you, doing badly at school with discipline issues and your children have become isolated without friends, then you have taken it too far and to gain back the dynamics of balance in the home, you will have a lot of work to do.
The first thing that you need to do is to sit your children down and explain to them that things have been stressful in the home and that Mom and Dad are going to work harder on family matters together.
Don't assume your kids are fools because they know exactly how to manipulate you and they can also see and feel when things are not right, so sugar coating it is not going to help you.
Take a stand together and lay down the rules of the house so that your kids understand what they can and cannot do and that both Mom and Dad are working together to stand by the rules that they have created.
They need to know that you are not going to go against each other in any way and that if one parent says so the other will agree and there is no changing the dynamics in the home.
Love is also important and your children need to see that Mom and Dad love and respect each other. If a child talks badly about your partner then you need to reprimand them so that they know you will not tolerate disrespect and that you respect and love each other.
Practice what you preach and allow some space for error but when a child is naughty they need to be punished and if they are good then they need to be rewarded.
Family Means Everything
Tips on Parenting
Sometimes your children might know how to manipulate a parent and that is a parents fault as they have allowed it to happen.
Firstly remember that your children need discipline and a foundation where morals and rules have been instilled in the home so that they know that there are boundaries. Kids with no rules or boundaries will never know consequence and they will get into trouble more often then not.
Reward your children when they deserve to be rewarded and this means that if they have excelled at school or they have done all their chores then they can be rewarded. Never reward them as a bribe.
Love is what all children need and they need to see that mom and dad love each other before they can understand love.
Read them stories and give them at least a half hour of your undivided attention each day.
Have dinner at the table and listen to each other and speak about the day so that you know what is going on in your children's lives.
Why Children Act Out
It is easy to act out as a child if parents are on the opposite side as the children can see that there is a divided home and there is a space for them to act out and find the weakest parent to play on.
They also feel unsafe and insecure in a home where parents disagree and argue all the time.
Acting out is a sign that something is wrong and they do this to get the attention of as a parent so that you can react in some way.
Being on opposite sided of parenting will confuse your children and they will not understand right from wrong, leading them to steal, lie and cheat their way through life because of the confusion that they have at home. This also makes them insecure as they feel that mom and dad are arguing about them and that the fighting is because of the children who will feel that they are unloved.
Teach Love and Respect
Love and respect each other and avoid arguing over your children in front of them as this will teach them that you do not respect each other. A divided home is an unhappy home.