How to Safely Spank a Child Over Your Knee. Putting aside all anger.
Restraint is key in two ways. Restrain yourself and restrain your child.
Spanking and corporal punishment. Child abuse is possible
By today’s standards I was abused as a child. But I can honestly say I only got two whooping that I did not deserve. Most the time I appreciated a good spanking because that meant we were even. I did not have to carry the guilt of having done wrong. It excused my behavior. Think about that, somehow it taught me that two wrongs make a right.
Here is the article my wife sent me: (In brief it is about different states taking different actions in schools and homes. It seems a little odd that we legislate how to treat our children. It seems very odd that a teenage girl can be legally spanked by a grown man)
Abuse. The word is rightly used but poorly understood.
Abuse is the misuse of something. That is all. We make mistakes and misuse our car every time we drive. If we are obese we probably abuse food. If we take a drug instead of exercising for the same ailment we abuse drugs. My youngest constantly is abusing his toys. That does not mean I abuse him in exchange. A very tiny portion of abuse is criminal.
So understand that spanking a child is not abuse by itself. But we can abuse the technique of spanking.
Love and Anger are the right and wrong reasons to spank
Safety and security is what a child needs. Life is hard, don't make it harder.
Over both knees please.
A spanking of a child by an adult who is angry is abuse. It does not matter how hard the spanking is. For spanking to be effective it need not contain pain. What is effective about spanking is the exercising of control and dominance by an adult over a child. It is the art of, in a physical sense, demonstrating complete mastery over the child. Physical restraint must be applied, putting the child in a completely dependent state. It may sound strange that one would hold/hug tightly while punishing. The concept of putting a child over your knee to spank is wonderful. Use both knees. Use only your hand. Never on bare skin. You see in this way you also are restraining yourself, not possible for a mighty swing. So let me explain.
For infants and toddlers spanking is never appropriate. Any spanking of a child before they form abstract abilities to communicate is abuse. Corporal punishment can only be justified when there is clear understanding as to why it is occurring. A child’s greatest friend in early formative years is security. They need to know that a parent has their back and will always be there in complete control (little do they know ;-). That is why full control of the child at the time of administration of the punishment is so important. Corporal punishment is only positively effective when it is done as an establishment of power and hierarchy. If the punishment is done to inflict pain as the goal, somebody needs to see a shrink and it is not the child.
Try simple long held restraint first. Actually try hugging first.
We do not whip or torture criminals. Most of us can even control a dog without violence and the infliction of pain. But we do restrain them and exercise control over them in an effort to bring their behavior into societal acceptable norms.
When and how to spank.
Never before 3 years of age. Never after puberty. Never in anger. Never for the purpose of inflicting pain. Never with out a clear warning. Never as an example. Never with an instrument.
It is this writers experience that two times in the life of a child is enough. Simply putting them over your knees will suffice after that.
As an end note about my own abuse it was horrendous. In one year in grade school I got over fifty swats at the hand of a principal. I was the crowned Swat King. I learned hate, defiance, violence and pride in violating rules and taking the punishment. By fifth grade I was officially a bad boy, and believe me that is a hard rap to break out of. Physical violent punishment of a child is bad stuff. We cannot process rightfully. We do not yet have the tools to put violence in proper perspective. So we might end up doing it wrong, like I did. We should be able to see clearly that while we do not blame society for the mental illness of a person we must take responsibility when it is a result of child “abuse”.