How to Show Love to a Child
Who is explaining what? To whom?
Words are not enough.
Show your love to a child and they will learn to show love in return. Treat a child with love and they will feel loved. Love a child without showing it and they will learn not to show their love. Love a child like an adult and you have serious issues. Love a child as you would want to be loved - if you were that child. Lessons learned are loved if we can own them ourselves.
Just how silly can you be? Try to be too silly for a 4 year old. It is easy to be too silly for an 8 year old. You would be surprised how much most 17 year old children love silly (in privacy of course ;-)
Just how generous can you be? No not with your money but with your time. Is the game or are chores more important. Can you live with a not so perfect house and spend cleaning time making it messy time? Is it really that important that a child learn to pick up everything as opposed to you doing it part of the time? Much of kids' stuff is boring and childish, can you be bored and juvenile?
Lessons? There are two types of lessons: One we must learn as lessons of life and the other as lessons to become proficient at certain skills. Can we as adults make both of these painless? No we cannot, but by showing the love we can make them both less painful. Think empathy and reward.
Us against the world! Can you be a team player rather than just the boss? Can you be the captain instead of the commander? One part of us needs to just be the buddy you can count on to have your back.
Have you ever told a child that they were the wind beneath your wings and that they lift you up, to be better than you can be?
There were two men.
One was an adoptive father and the other the son. The father had 2 Phd's and an MD. The son only a doctorate. The father an accomplished professional and the son a man struggling to find his way.
Before the father died at 90 years old he wrote his son a note and mailed it off. It simply said "You are the best teacher I ever had", Dad.
Please write that note off today before you are 90.
Sometimes a hat and a shirt creates a hero
It is darned hard sometimes to laugh at childish humor. It is hard sometimes to play the clown and the slapstick sidekick. Sometimes you just do not feel like puffing out you cheeks, closing one eye and pulling your ears toward your forehead while standing on one leg.
Tickling a little monkey until they say quit -- and then a little, not too much but a little more takes gentleness and a loving hand. Adults do not like to be tickled. They lose control and giggle and squirm so they do not like it at all. How sad a commentary is that? But little ones have no control to lose and love squirming (it is something they do best) and all kids love to giggle. Seems like a little thing but what better way to show love to a little one.
Have you ever heard a child giggle all by themselves? Of course you have, but have you stopped what you are doing to go find out what makes that giggle? Try it sometime you may find an excuse to giggle yourself and you may find out some more silliness to help you show your love more. Remember we are trying to be empathetic here.
Alright maybe I went too far with my three older ones.
Are you too hung up on being an adult?
Can you make a silly face and laugh at yourself
Spend your money over there, spend your time over here.
It just takes time. As a parent plan on hearing at least 300 really boring stories in your year. They say a child can ask 3,000 questions in one day, let us see: 12 waking hours in a day. 60 minutes in an hour. That would be 720 minutes so would require about 4 questions a minute. Take my word for it that is easy to do! And that includes answers.
(on a recent hike this author noted 5 questions and 3 declaratory statements in one minute, try it, it is easy.)
This takes about thirty seconds: Why do birds fly? Are bees birds? Why is grass green? Is that a jet or an airplane? Is that a rock or a stone? That is a big stick. I want that flower for mommy. I can run faster than that lizard.
If you cannot deal with this then perhaps you cannot show your love. It takes time and patience. And great effort to show them. Just Do It!
Initial try at hide and go seek.
As stated earlier there are two kinds of lessons. Study lessons and life lessons. Let us say this first and foremost. Let your child own those lessons. Let them be their accomplishments and not yours and tell them so. This is huge for the big "let go" and even huger (if that is a word) for self esteem. Yes sometimes you must enforce the suffering. But let go and let the accomplishment be their own. Let them own it and praise them for learning the lesson.
Most of us live in a community property state which means husband and wife both reap the benefits of the other's hard work. Children should learn about that concept but they are just starting to see themselves as themselves and need to outright own some of their own hard work or the bruises of a lesson learned the hard way. Give it to them. They deserve it.
This is sometimes tough love, yes, tough on your own ego. But give it up. "You did that all by yourself" are five great words to hear for anyone.
Note the next section seems opposite so understand there is a balance.
Even you can fake it until you make it!
Are we a team or what?
Sometimes we just want to feel a part of. Be a team player, suffer with the suffering and rejoice in the newness of success. Get into it. Be a part of the feelings that can change in ten seconds. Celebrate happiness and success. Tear up in failure and distress. Be part of the team that is your child's world. When they come home after a friend has hurt their feelings -- darn it fix comfort food and give hugs in abundance. After all the friend hurt your feelings also. Do not always be Mrs. fix it. Sometimes just share the defeat or the joy.
We do not always have to be the director, the producer and the actor. Sometimes we need to involve ourselves in someone else's drama and accept it for what it is.
Hey there inside.
If you read this all the way to here, I love you for it. It builds my self esteem and makes me happy. Thank you and have a great day!
It cannot hurt to read this book
This ain't no boilerplate
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