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How To Win Friendship With Your Step-Children/In-laws?
Tips: How to Get Along With Your Step-Children/In-Laws?
Before I met my husband, I had been through a very hard life. I never thought that I would find somebody who will love me as I am. A man who will respect me and will listen to me and will cry with me. A man whom I can lean in times of my trouble.
My past life had taught me a hard lesson never to trust a man again. But guess what? Just a click in the internet and my life was changed forever. I was not even thinking seriously of marrying again let alone a foreigner. Besides, I thought of myself as very plain. That is the reason may be why the father of my children wanted to find an attractive woman. That was what I thought because that was what he told me that I am no good. It was not even a real marriage because, it was a bigamous marriage. So, I was very skeptical about men.
Here comes a friendly hello from a guy, who has a very beautiful nose. Well, at least, in my eyes my husband's nose is very beautiful. That reminds me of a famous saying "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." You can also say that it is because my nose is not as beautiful as my husband's nose. That is typical anyway of my being a Filipino with the exceptions of those mixed blood.
If you sow love, you will reap love
But that is not what I am trying to say why I wrote this blog. The reason is I want to give some tips to stepmothers like me.
When I married my husband, we laid everything on the table. So before our marriage vows I already knew what I was into. My husband has 2 children in his first marriage, a daughter and a son. And I also have two sons. Even during the early days of our marriage, I was worried that my step-children might not accept me. But here is the wisdom that I am going to share with you:
*Adopt a positive attitude and trust God to give you love and understanding toward the possibility of being rejected, just in case.
* Think and consider your step-children as your own. I know it is difficult but if you remember the famous saying "Love begets love,” it always works you know. I have a testimony to that.
*Give due respect. That is the golden rule anyway. Do unto others what you want others do unto you.
* Do not be selfish or mean, be genuine and true to yourself. It is not good to pretend to be nice, when you are not. It will not help you. It will only create friction and mistrust.
*Give love without expecting any return and God will bless you more a hundredfold. Those kids might not be your own, but they are also children of God like you, therefore they deserved to be loved.
*Do not be jealous. It is a poison to a good relationship.
*Do not push yourself. Let them know you as who you are. Be a good listener. Be a good friend.
*Do not be impatient either. If you have shown a genuine attitude towards your step-children according to the virtue of a good mother even if they are not your blood and your own... that kindness and congeniality will merit respect and friendship.
*Do not compete with the affection of your husband against his children. That is a kind of insecurity. You have their father's love. The more you give love, the more you will be loved in return. One thing I am so sure, you will gain respect and friendship. That is all we want, right? Step-mothers are not supposed to replace the role a real and natural mother of their husbands' kids. But just to be accepted, respected and be a friend as a part of the family. Who knows, you might be lucky to be treated like a real mother.
Your situation might be different from mine, but the bible says in Romans 5:4 "And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation."
It always pays to have a loving and truthful heart that only comes from the Lord. It will open doors of healthy relationships in marriage and in our family circle, even in the outside world.
My daughter-in-law was a testimony of that relationship. I even lead her to Jesus. She was already my friend before she married my youngest son. We developed a friendship that is more than a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. She is more than a real daughter to me.
My friendship with my step-daughter and my step-son was a real blessing. Though we seldom see and talk with each other because of our distance, but we are like old friends. At least that is how I feel. They respected me and treated me as a real family. Generally speaking, they are really good and nice kids. They are sweet and loving kids. They are also very successful in their own life and fear God.
I am proud of my step-children. I thank God for them. They are one of my wonderful blessings being the seed of the man I love unconditionally.
I just thought of sharing this experience to step-mothers who are trying to get along with their step-children and even their in-laws.
Some people might say, nothing could come in a broken family--- but the truth is, it is how we accept things and try to live in it with our complete trust in God. It is the word of God that says, "Without me, you can do nothing." (John 15:5)