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How to Build Trust in a Relationship Using Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?

Updated on November 24, 2017
Nitika Mehra profile image

Nitika is a psychologist and has been working with an NGO, a school and two online counseling platforms.

The fear of the unknown haunts us sometimes.

Sometimes we find it difficult to trust our significant other. It might be due to mistakes in past, our own insecurities or complexes or just a pattern of thinking. Having trust issues affects the romantic bond in a negative way and mental peace of both individuals in the relationship. Researches have shown that when a partner feels less trusted by his/her significant other, he experiences a low esteem and often feel embarrassment when this thing is evident to the people related to them.

Some indications that there may be a trust issue in your relationship.

  1. One or both partners try to snoop into the phones of each other or keep check of the belongings of the other.
  2. Cross question their partner on various situations in which they feel that he or she may not have behaved according to their level of expectation.
  3. Reading/browsing articles like,” How to know your girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating?”
  4. Discussing about their partners behavior with others.
  5. Experiencing anxiety when your partner is unreachable through phone or late from work.
  6. Getting jealous when he or she compliments other person of the opposite sex.
  7. Doing loyalty tests on them, by texting them from unknown numbers or hiring someone else to do that.

All these signs show you may be a victim of high insecurity or lack of trust on your partner. I will share simple tips which will help you step by step to build trust in your relationship and confidence in self.

Take good care of self and indulge in nature. Let go all your insecurities and walk towards the happier and peaceful way of life.

The Essential four

  1. Cultivate high self-esteem. Sometimes we lack self confidence and keep comparing ourselves to others and hence see every good looking person as a threat to the relationship. We should have love for ourselves and should have trust that our partner has been with us in a relationship and not others.
  2. Do what you love. "An ideal mind is a devil's workshop", hence instead of cultivating thoughts that involve illogical doubt and anxiety over baseless matters, we should keep our mind busy in activities that keep us happy and offer a sense of self worth and accomplishment. We felt delighted when we are appreciated for our skills and hobbies and sometimes it leads to a rediscovery of ourselves. If I express my opinion as a teenager I had many problems and conflicts in my life which kept me anxious and annoyed most of the time. This didn't give it time to do something new and constructive. I felt falling in a spiral of dysfunctional relationships and killing of time. As I grew up, I realised that either we can play the unadvantaged one in our own life and circumstances or can take control and turn the situation around. From that point I have experienced immense growth and real happiness in life and I continue to learn new things and excel in some of them. So it be it a guitar tutorial or a baking class. Spend time doing something you love and be creative with your abilities!
  3. Learn to let go things and see the results. When we suspect our partner, our natural reaction is to confront them from time to time and keep finding proofs so that we can prove ourselves right. But I want to tell you that many of our fears and suspicions in our life never happen in real. Instead what happens is that, the quality of the relationship keeps decreasing. Until we have a solid proof that our relationship/parent is not trustworthy, we should not talk to our partner in a condemning or confronting tone. We can talk our feelings out that we are having this kind of insecurity or tell them to clear our doubts.
  4. Accept the fact that if somebody has to cheat then our restrictions or cross questioning won't stop them from doing so.I have witnessed several relationships in which the partner try to control each other and they think that they will be protecting their relationship like this. But we all know in our heart that it is not true. A human cannot remain in boundation for long if he does not really want to

So in the end I would like to conclude that we should not let this fear of losing someone or being cheated by someone overpower us. We should know how to trust and should also be strong enough to move away from a relationship which is really not meant to be trusted. Till that point we should be happy and content with our partners and always try o focus on the good in them.

You can't love anyone else completely, unless you love yourself.

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© 2017 Nitika Mehra

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