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How to continue saying "I do", when you feel like "I don't"

Updated on October 4, 2015

We often hear of couples who have been married for over 50 years, and think "That's beautiful", and think when we get married we'll be just like these couples. Well, that is until you get married yourself! We see couples all the time that are happy or at least appear to be, and wonder why some of our marriages are not like that. Now, I'm not going to spend a lot of time getting into the thick of the why's and the why not's. What I want to focus on is the what it could be's!

Statistics show that the divorce rate is almost 50% , according to the U.S. Census for 2015. I wonder why? Most people when they get married consider their mates as being lifelong partners, and some have even dated for many years and know each other very well. But what about the changes that happen after you get married? You know, the changes. I mean, we say "I do" out loud in cathedrals or in private locations, but when we "jump the broom" things change. Toilet seats mysteriously get left up, and undergarment items get left on the floor, meals are often prepared or not, purchases are made with or without his/her knowledge. All of these things that make us say "I don't" (and I'll allow you to finish those thoughts in your head).

All of these changes make us crazy inside and out, and eventually we start to bubble over. But it doesn't have to be that way. With that being said let me introduce my (5) "could it be" list to challenge your "I don't" theories that can and ultimately will lead to divorce if not addressed.

1) You don't Remember who you are. This seems very simple, right? Well, not exactly. When people get married, sometimes they forget who they are and what they wanted to accomplish in life. Ultimately, it would be ideal for you and your mate to work towards this goal for yourself, but don't wait on it to happen. It's important for you to remember who you are and stay true to you, which is why he/she married you in the first place. This can only make your marriage better by promoting good change and allowing your partner to get to know you everyday all over again.

2) Everything's so serious. Life is serious enough, and trust me and everybody else; life is going to happen regardless. However, everything doesn't have to be so serious all of the time. Most things that happen are just not that serious. If clothes on the floor bother you, get a laundry basket and place it in the area the clothes are mainly tossed. If the toilet seat is left up most of the time, go ahead and leave it just like that when you get finished using the bathroom. (I guarantee that will offer a new beginning once your mate takes a dive in the bowl!) Keep your marriage fun, keep it interesting. If spending is too much, make a budget. Keep planning, keep changing until you find what's best for the both of you.

3) Your conversation doesn't address your needs. Couples are notorious about talking about other couples. Well, if we focused more on our relationships and not everyone else's; we would make it much further in our happiness with one another in our marriages. So many things happen to us on a daily basis that mold and shape our lives, and we need to be able to share that with someone. Why not, share it with your mate? It's been proven time again that good positive communication brings us closer to one another.

4) You play the blame game. It seems important to identify who and what went wrong with your mate most times, but most of the time it's just not that important. Mainly, because most of the time when we try to approach this "It's your fault and not mine" conversation; we are already frustrated. So this does us no good in any situation. It can leave someone hurt or even worse feeling unworthy to you or themselves. And when you start to get into emotional instability, this can cause a world of trouble.

5) You don't light your "Love's Spark". What is your "Love's Spark"? It's that spark you first had when you fell in love with your mate the for the first time. That feeling you get when you go on a date or stay up all night long laughing, making love and reminiscing about special moments. It's that moment in the "I don't" that keeps you looking at the "I do" at the end of the day, reminding you that it was all worth it from the beginning.

So when you get caught up in the "I don't" moments in your life, try to remember that you are the key element in your marriages future. Times get hard and the roads get rocky, but the other side is worth so much more if you stick it out and work together through it all. Wishing you happiness and love!


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    • LJolivette profile imageAUTHOR

      Lee Jolivette 

      3 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Thank you so much Denise. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this hub!

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I like your final paragraph indicating that we are the key element in our marriage's future! There is much that we can do to change what is happening in our homes, especially in those "I don't" moments! Our attitude and what we choose to focus on will make or break our marriages. Great hub!


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