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How parents can handle their children or kids temper tantrums and stubborn behavior?

Updated on April 19, 2013
How to deal with child temper tantrums?
How to deal with child temper tantrums? | Source

Dr Ann: How to deal with children temper tantrums?

How to deal with child temper tantrums?

Dealing with child temper tantrums is a tough job for new parents. Children often throw tantrums to get what they want and to do what they like to do. Parents find themselves in a big puzzle as they find it hard to tolerate screams, cries and at the same time, they don't want to let their kid become obstinate or stubborn.

Since birth, babies have an idea that they need to cry to get their parents attention. Although, they don't know how to talk but they know that by crying they will soon be looked and comforted. However, if this crying gets converted to temper tantrums as they grow up, parents need some guidance how to handle it.

Here, are some simple steps to deal with child temper tantrums. Before applying these principles, parents might consult child doctor for expert guidance. Below advice is for information purpose only:

1. When a child throws temper tantrums, we need to look what exactly is the root cause. Sometimes, the cause can be a genuine need like the child is hungry for long time or he or she is badly hurt in an accident. That is a real call for help and we need to fix the root cause and give the child what he needs.

2. However, if the root cause of child tantrums is that the child just wants all the toys for himself or herself and is not willing to share with other sibling, we know that this is not a good habit. In such cases, we need to understand that if we encourage such tantrums, it will be bad for the child and he might become stubborn. So, we need to ignore the child tantrums and let him or her continue with his screams, shouts or any type of temper tantrum that he or she likes to do.

3. Soon, the child will realize that his or her screams, crying is not helping him or her. The child will soon realize that he or she is not getting the desired results. The screams will stop almost immediately.

4. Sometimes, parents get angry when the child is throwing temper tantrums in front of relatives, friends and try to stop it by shouting or other means. However, it might just encourage the child to repeat the behavior. Children are smart enough to understand that parents are embarrassed in front of public and they will give in to their demands. So, we need to be patient and ignore their behavior for some time even in the eyes of public. Although, it is difficult and sometimes, not possible, we need to be patient as many times as we can whether outside or inside home. We will soon see the rewards of our seeds of patience.

5. Children are intelligent and they understand what works. If they soon find that temper tantrums are just ignored and not reaping fruits, they will soon leave them and go for some behavior that is worthwhile and rewarding.

These are simple and easy strategies to handle your child temper tantrums if they are going out of control. Parents can enjoy and have fun while growing up kids with simple parenting strategies. Enjoy parenthood and wish you all the best!

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    • verbalvomit profile image

      verbalvomit 5 years ago

      Temper tantrums are a learned behavior. Children have made the connection that if they 'cry, yell, scream' it serves a purpose. That purpose is satisfying a want. As parents, with busy schedules, you may tend to give into that want more often to make things 'easier' or 'get through the day.' This only intensifies the learned behavior. The best way to have tempert tantrums to stop is:

      1) Find the cause of behavior: usually it is attention or tangible based. I wouldn't consider physical causes temper tantrums - if your kid is sick or hurting, it's probably the better emotion to be crying or yelling than being quiet about the pain.

      2) Once determined, eliminate the reinforcement: do not provide attention (ignore the tantrum) and do not provide the tangible item. This will cause an increase in tantrum behavior. It will no cease immediately or quickly. So be ready to win this battle, a kid can yell and cry for a long long time. Kids who are throwing a tantrum for attention, there is a deficit of attention - so try providing attention whenever you catch your child doing something good - sitting quietly? 'HEY! I LOVE HOW YOU'RE SITTING SO QUIETLY!' ..and if it is tangible - you may need to have rules for leaving the house and going to stores, discuss the expected behaviors, and discussion about family budgets (if old enough).

      Either way - tantrums are learned - so to weaken the connection usually means taking away what maintains the connection.

      Good post!

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 6 years ago from Singapore

      Hi Sabrani44, thanks for your feedback.

    • sabrani44 profile image

      sabrani44 6 years ago

      Great hub, thanks for sharing :)

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 6 years ago from Singapore

      Thanks for your feedback.

    • StayathomeMommyJo profile image

      StayathomeMommyJo 6 years ago from The Midwest

      so true!