How to Have a Harmonious Relationship with Your Mother in Law
Is it possible to have a loving Mother in Law & Daughter in Law relationship?
If you conduct a survey, most of the married men and women would keep the domestic harmony or peace in the house as one of the top five priorities, if not the top priority.
Everyone wants to come to home which has a peaceful and welcoming vibrations. It is the harmony in relationships among the family members which is one of the pillars of a good domestic life. It is the sweetness of the relationship which makes the house a home.
One of the important yet delicate relationships in a family is the mother in law and daughter in law relation, closely followed by mother in law and son in law relation. The next in hierarchy and perhaps less bothering are the relations with father in law. Naturally it is the relations with mother in law which needs to given more importance.
About the Author
Sundeep Kataria is a wellness consultant and astrologer. Till now he has counseled many individuals, couples and families in their general life improvement with his expert services like Astrology, Career Counseling and Executive Coaching.
His services are sought by people from all fields and from all over the word.
The contents of this hub are straight from his years of professional experience.
The secret to maintaining a sweet and harmonious relationship with Mother in Law
Remember that the mother in law is also a human being.
She too has her own set of strengths, tastes, preferences, weaknesses, likes and dislikes just like any common person. Any methods or techniques which you have been successful with while dealing with others can give you effective results if applied with a genuine approach and sincerity to deal with your mother in law.
It may sound like a tip straight from the book “How To Win Friends and Influence People” but it is effective and practical. No person can resist the magic of being praised and more so if it is done in the public.
But the trick is to be genuine in your praise rather than being artificial or mechanical.
How can you do that?
Well here is a tip. She being the elder than you definitely has more experience in life.
Any idea what you can praise her for?
Well if you watch her, talk to her or listen to her, there will be plenty of inputs. Her actions, thoughts and will have very genuine intentions, prudence and maturity. Your mother in law could be one who makes best pickle or has a secret mouth watering recipe. She has knitted a lovely sweater for your baby. All these and much more needs to be noticed and acknowledged by you.
The recognition of personality and respect accorded to her is one of the most important prerequisites to win her heart and ensure a harmonious relationship.
Consult your Mother in Law
If consulted with respect, your mother in law will not only give you right advice but may even offer to do it for you (if case be). This will increase the mutual trust. She will always be around whenever you or the family needs it. Needless to say she can be most effective trouble shooter.
It pays to involve the elders such as parents and parents in law in major decisions of the family such as buying a property, settling abroad etc. This way not only you ensure a good rapport and good relations but also earn their support and blessings – which are so necessary.
Must Watch! The Mother in law and The Daughter in law
Give her time
In most of the households, at this stage, the elders have either played their career innings or are near the finish line. Whereas, you in sharp contrast, may be too busy building up your career and perhaps have little time even to be yourself alone. Thereby there are separate set of priorities with almost nothing in common between the two lists of priorities. This is the root cause of the trouble because there is basic difference in opinion.
The best solution is to consciously plan to spend some quality time with your mother in law every day, especially if you are a daughter in law and live in a joint family. In case you live separately then being with her at least once in a week should be must in your time management.
This will kill two birds with one stone. The mother in law will have no (or less now) complaint about you not giving time to her. Secondly, the time spent together will be well utilized to build the rapport, leading to good relations with her, especially if you practice the tips given here.
Don’t drag her into your fight with your spouse
The husband and wife fights are not uncommon. There would be many issues which are between two of you and no way have the parents in law had anything to do with it. Such situations should never be brought up with your mother in law as it would unnecessarily cause mental anguish.
I get cases for consultation where there are tiffs between husband and wife over very intimate issues and the parents of both sides are pulled in. This is not right!
Sort out your own issues wisely and amicably but don’t involve them please.
Learn to express yourself clearly but respectfully
At times you may find that your mother in law is speaking in favor of her daughter or son. Don’t react !
This is not an automatic license for you to be rude to her.
This is time to analyze that why she is doing so. Perhaps she does not have full or correct or complete information. You may like to explain the situation and facts to her which will help her see the things in the right perspective. Using harsh words or resorting to arguments will benefit no one.
Always keep in mind that the elders are very sensitive and even one small act from you can keep them very disturbed for long. Check out: Why it Hurts More When Harsh Words Come from the Loved One?
On the contrary, acknowledging her presence in the house, respecting her position in the family will be immediately noticed by the mother in law and it way go a long way to build up very good relations.
Know what she wants
The children are very spontaneous and clearly tell what they need or don’t need. But as we grow old we feel increasingly restricted to express ourselves clearly due to a number of factors.
So when you are with your parents in law and specially mother in law, it would be a good idea to ask if they need anything or they prefer something to be done in a particular fashion.
Believe you me, you will get tons of blessings from her for this act of yours. Once again it will build a strong bond between two of you.
Small gestures go a long way
Small gestures like wishing your Mother in Law in the Morning, or saying things like:
“I am going to the market, do you need anything”
“Is the air conditioner in your room working alright?”
“I am sorry, I think I put some extra salt in the soup by mistake”
will go a long way in building an excellent rapport and harmonious environment. You will be amazed to see that what your mother in law can do for you now!
Must Watch! Why to respect elders?
Respect all elders
The nature seeks balance. Just like in a workout you give exercise to all parts of the body and not just your biceps or shoulders, similarly don’t aim to develop a harmonious relationship with your mother in law alone.
In fact, respect your father, mother, father in law and seek their blessings too. This tips is effective for building better relations with not only your mother in law but with all the elder members of the family.
Try these also:
- Give your mother in law your company and be her friend.
- Trust her
- Respect her
- Teach your children also to respect and love their grandparents
- Be a good listener
- Don’t argue when she is angry.
- Don’t come in between her son or daughter ( your spouse)
- Understand and appreciate and her point of view also
- Don’t complain to her about her family of which you are a part now.
- Don’t blame her for the family’s past
To have a blissful family life you must succeed to develop a strong relationship orientation in your behavior. Gain the trust and a friendly rapport with not only your father in law and mother in law but also mother, father, spouse and children. Please see “I have wonderful parents, do I need to seek God?”
A Happy and Loving Family
A check about your equation with your mother in law.
How would you see you relations with your mother in law?
Other hubs which might interest you:
- Roles and Responsibilities in the Family
There are primary and secondary roles and responsibilities within the family. Primary are biologically based according to male and female; whereas secondary are divided among family members.
- The Role of Traditions in Establishing Family Unity
We often think of tradition in relationship to holiday celebrations. A tradition is also a regular practice we incorporate into our family life that promotes meaning, purpose, and unity.
- Visits With Mom
A colorful description of my mom's frequent visits. Don't worry.She's read this and has approved, probably because she knows it's true. It's a tribute to her-one that I think you'll find comical.