How to keep your spouse interested in your life
Symptoms of lost interest in each other
- Nothing to discuss at the dinner table
- No inclination to greet each other in the mornings or seeing each other after a few hours.
- Not feeling excited about going somewhere together
- Not finding the energy to dress up nicer for each other
- Inclination to watch late night movies or anything else rather than spending time in each other's arms
- Feeling irritated when the spouse comes over to talk about something, interesting or otherwise.
- Fearing being stuck in the house during the weekend with family
All relationship gurus will mention that marriage is about nurturing the relationship, just like a plant needs water and blossoms with care. In reality , between bills and babies, the nurturing of marriage is the first thing to go out the window.
There could be a thousand items to list in how to keep the spouse interested in your life . whether to be mysterious or not be too mysterious. whether to be involved or not be too involved. Questions are endless. but let's just concentrate on some of the main ideas.
Exploring new things for yourself
If you shut down the outside world, you will get stuck in a rut. This applies for both Man and Wife. New hobbies, volunteering with new organisations of interest, a new language class, a new form of physical exercise, a skills developing initiative for minorities in your area, whatever it is, being involved with others gives you fresh perspective and new things to share with you partner.Its better if its an activity or association outside your comfort zone, exploring the unknown that it. It gives you confidence in conversation, diversifies your knowledge, contributes to your children's early exposure and natural learning, among other things. At the same time, it provides you access to a network of people and organisations who may or may not come in handy when either of you face some trouble in life. This can go a long way in creating a foundation of respect and trust and continued interest in what is next in your choice of explorations.
Know when not to overdo it. If , in your adventure of adding intrigue in your marriage, you start to prioritize these extra curricular activities over quality family time, we have a whole different issue altogether now don't we!
Now we all know that we spend hours on Facebook just to find out how many people liked our latest profile picture and who had nice comments on our status updates. Human beings are social and need recognition in a positive way from others. More so from their life partner. If you take interest in your spouse's activities and talk about how proud you are of his or her achievements whether at work, as a parent, or a volunteer, or as a neighbour, your partner will feel more interested to share the details of his or her day with you and open up a window for conversation.
It's very easy to take a jab at your spouse for the myriad of stupid thing they do during the day. You don't have to do it like that. Its easier to share ideas of how You would do it , if you were in that situation and express dislike with dignity - no need to resort to yelling.
Most importantly, do Not give advice when advice all the time, specially when it is not sought. At opportune times, you can decide to have a open conversation about how to help each other with the way things you do and try to make wiser, better choices.
You can introduce fun challenges to see who gets more stars in the house in parenting points, grocery points, cleanliness points and include a special intimate gift at the end of the challenge.
Acknowledging each other's presence
If you've seen a recent Tommy Lee and Meryll Streep movie, you will know what a big difference a simple Good morning Honey, a 'be back soon' hug or kiss on the forehead can go.
It may be you have had a disagreement the night before and would rather throw something at the other, but before going off to each other's own way for the day, forget everything and just reach out in a simple way , and in a genuine way. Make it a practice, don't hate.
Silent treatment, You don't exist right now and Talk to the hand treatment, may feel right in moments of frustration and anger but it creates a distance that makes you float away from each other like a continental drift.
Don't give the drift a chance. Don't go to bed angry. Don't leave the house angry, it will make you take terrible emotional decisions and shut down certain parts of the heart and will be difficult to amend.
Acknowledging presence also means understanding that the spouse may need time to themselves as well. Peering over what he or she is typing away so ferociously into the computer for, 'why are you always watching this boring show', and 'why do you have to go meet with those folks every sunday' may be very counterproductive. A person needs time to themselves. Alone time - discuss when you want it to be just you and what you enjoy doing during that time. A dismissive, 'what I do and who I meet is my business' leads to mistrust and creates distance and nonchalance. Every so often, invite in the spouse in your 'alone time' projects, friends or places. It will feel like a special honour for the other to be let in and the fact that you want the other to experience your joy, that is invaluable.
If your children get in the way of 'alone time' for the other ( specially for the mother) volunteer to take the kids out by yourselves for a fun activity. This will not only make you a fun parent to your kids, but also deepen positive emotions in your spouse seeing you as a great parent.