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How to overcome sorrow when you lose your spouse?

Updated on January 11, 2014

''Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” –Nicholas Sparks

It is a most devastating experience when you lose your spouse and you are shocked by the cruelty of it. Your whole life turns upside down! To lose a person so special and precious to you makes you very dejected and depressed. But life should go on and you cannot keep wallowing in your sorrow for a long time.

Your children need you

Your children depend on you for their emotional needs and they also feel very lost and forlorn at having lost their parent. You should not thrust your sorrow on them and make their life miserable. You should gear yourself up to meet the many responsibilities you have to face as a single parent.

Of course, it takes time for you to return to normalcy, but you must keep trying. Do not keep your sorrow locked inside yourself as your heart becomes heavy with grief. You should cry your heart out and relieve your anguish and agony. You should train your agitated mind to come to reality. Slowly and steadily you should overcome your bereavement to come down to normal life.

It is true you cannot overcome your feeling of‘why has this to happen to me’. You feel that everyone is happy except you. Unless you learn to accept the demise of your spouse, you cannot become normal. You should understand that no one can look after your children better than you.

My experience

I too had been through this phase when I lost my husband and I was shattered to think that my life here afterwards would be without his presence. I would drown myself in sorrow and cry uncontrollably. I forgot I had a daughter who depended on me for her emotional security. It was when I saw her unhappiness did I know I had been selfish. I made myself mentally strong and vowed that I would be a father; mother and friend all combined into one for my daughter and to this date I have been able to do so.

Be confident

If you keep cursing your fate and freeze inside with sorrow, nothing is going to happen. You should be practical and become mentally very strong. You should not cry in front of your children as it unnerves them. Learn to keep smiling and talk confidently when you interact with others. Do not let go your well groomed look as it makes you look depressive and also makes you lack confidence.

You should also understand that you do not become a lesser person because you have lost your spouse. In fact you are more valuable now as you shoulder your family responsibilities alone with great will power. Do not lead a closed life as you become reclusive and secluded. You must mingle with people. When you interact with people, you realize everyone has problems and you are a lot better.

Develop new hobbies which keep you occupied and interested. Do not spend your time alone before the computer or TV and refuse to interact with your children or others. Be humorous and spend lots of time with your children. Your children should never feel the loss of their father\mother.

You should attend to their needs with concern and understanding. Do not fall into another relationship without thinking of your children. They should mean more to you than anyone else. Your work is very important to you for financial and other reasons. Your job makes you monetarily stable and boosts up your confidence level. Your concentration in work can make you come out of your sorrow slowly but steadily.

He\she is with you spiritually

Take your children out and make them enjoy life. Do not talk to them about how much you are sacrificing in life as a single parent and make them feel bewildered and confused. Do not feel guilty that you have forgotten your spouse so soon to lead a normal life. He\she will be spiritually happy that you are doing his\her work with dedication. When you draw reassurance from his\her remembrance you do not become cynical, but become very mellow and mature to face the world with confidence.

© 2014 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      denise, thank you for your care. It was the most traumatic period in my life and by god's grace I overcame it. Thank you again for the visit.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      My heart aches for you! When my husband went into the hospital for cancer surgery 10 years ago, I faced his mortality for the first time. It was a very difficult experience. Our children were deeply affected. We were very fortunate that he lived through the ordeal, and is still with us. I realized, however, that this will not always be the case.