ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Updated on April 13, 2013

A Parenting Classic

"The parenting bible" is how the Boston Globe describes How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. As I read parenting books, and even taught parenting seminars, this book was the one that came up over and over in quotations and recommendations. I wish I had read it sooner because this book is wonderful! The co-authors, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, are parents themselves, excellent yet humble writers, and clearly experts in their field.

The book helped me to recognize some ineffectual (okay destructive) communication patterns I had with my children, like lecturing and nagging, and to replace those patterns with more loving, effective ones. The authors offer practical suggestions, thought exercises, role plays, and answers to frequent questions and objections. I recommend this book for all parents, teachers, and caregivers. The communication principles transfer well to other relationships too--spouses, adult relatives, and coworkers.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk is an excellent communication tool kit based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Faber and Mazlish (coauthors of Siblings Without Rivalry) provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your house. The "Reminder" pages, helpful cartoon illustrations, and excellent exercises will improve your ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. The book can be used alone or in parenting groups, and the solid tools provided are appropriate for kids of all ages. (from the amazon.com review)

A Tip from "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen" - Give Children Their Wishes in a Fantasy.

Lisa VanDamme shares about putting a principle from How to Talk So KIds Will Listen into practice.

Your thoughts

What do you think about How to Talks So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk?

"I was a wonderful parent

until I had children."

Table of Contents - for How to Talk So Children Will Listen and LIsten So Children Will Talk

The quote above is the first line of the book. Fortunately for millions of parents, the authors' worked on their parenting skills and shared what they learned. Here's the table of contents for How to Talk So Kids Will LIsten and Listen So Kids Will Talk. There is also an afterward with reflections on the book's twenty-year history, letters from parents, and suggestions for further reading.

  1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
  2. Engaging Cooperation
  3. Alternatives to Punishment
  4. Encouraging Autonomy
  5. Praise
  6. Freeing Children from Playing Roles
  7. Putting It All Together

Between Parent and Child - The Inspiration for How to Talk So KIds Will LIsten

The authors of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen repeatedly acknowledge a debt of gratitude to Haim Ginott, the noted expert on communication with children. His workshops, which the authors participated in, provided much of the material for their book.The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach from the wikipedia article Haim Ginott:

  • Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
  • Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
  • Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room."
  • Attach rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
  • Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themselves what they can.
  • Children need to learn to choose, but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
  • Limit criticism to a specific event-don't say "never", "always", as in: "You never listen," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
  • Refrain from using words that you would not want the child to repeat.

Magically Improve Yourself as a Parent

Of course it takes more than magic, but if you could get rid of one bad parenting habit, what would it be?

See results

How To Talk: Audiobook CD

Are you a busy mom or dad who doesn't have time to read? Listen to the book while you are working around the house. Pop it into your car stereo or synch it to your iPod and listen while you are out and about.

Professional authors and speakers on parenting are wonderful, but it's also great to hear from ordinary parents. (Extraordinary parents are welcome to comment too.)

Share your parenting parenting tips and advice. - Or just what you think of this page or the book.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      HennieN 

      6 years ago

      Parenting is a journey that we take. The biggest lesson I have learned in life was that I set the way my children grow up - Children learn by example. If I do not listen, my children will also not listen.

      This has opened my eyes and made parenting a much easier task.

    • JoyfulPamela2 profile image

      JoyfulPamela2 

      7 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      It's just plain difficult to be a parent at times. I'm glad there are people who are able to express their successes to those like me who are learning more every day. : )

    • MisterJeremy profile imageAUTHOR

      Jeremy 

      7 years ago from Tokyo, Japan

      @Virginia Allain: Yes, that's a good one! It's based on her poem of the same title. The chapters of the book are actually titled with the lines of the poem. See the table of contents.

    • Virginia Allain profile image

      Virginia Allain 

      7 years ago from Central Florida

      I'd also recommend the book by Dorothy Law Nolte called Children Learn What They Live.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      I have noticed that entering into a bit of fantasy thinking and talking has been very helpful now and then to have a peaceful and fun day with my granddaughter. We have the power to change! Well done, Mr. Jeremy!

    • mythphile profile image

      Ellen Brundige 

      7 years ago from California

      I suspect this book would work for talking to adults as well.

      Psssst. Check your lens title!

    • jp1978 profile image

      jp1978 

      7 years ago

      Great tip on the Youtube video! Must remember that next time.

    • ZablonMukuba profile image

      ZablonMukuba 

      7 years ago

      nice one

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      Lovely lens. 5 stars.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      Great start on your first squidlit lens.

    • CCGAL profile image

      CCGAL 

      7 years ago

      Communication is important, of that there is no doubt. Trusting your instincts has a place, too. Babies don't come with instruction manuals, and each one is a miracle and unique. One size does not fit all.

    • Linda BookLady profile image

      Linda Jo Martin 

      7 years ago from Post Falls, Idaho, USA

      I used to read a lot of parenting books -- back in the day. My kids are all adults now.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)