How to use harsh language and what to do if it causes crying. Bullying children is wrong.
I have never used classic "Drill Sargent" techniques though I have been trained in them.
Harsh language should be used very judiciciously
Harsh language can cause serious damage. Harsh language can scar a child. The result of it done poorly can scar a parent forever. Crying is not always a truthful response. Crying in youngsters needs to be gently weened like the breast feeding, the bottle and potty training. It is a natural response that is innate so that they can get what the want or need before much structured thought. But crying at harsh words is either their fault or yours. Pay attention. Bullying a child in certain instances is a crime of abuse and it is a sin. Period. End of story so make very sure you do not do it.
I am a big burly man. Where others where I speak need a microphone - I need to tone it down a notch without one. To say I have a booming voice would just be being nice. I am trained as a court room lawyer and as a preacher. If I cannot bring a jury or congregation to tears I am no good at what I do. (thankfully I gave up practicing law) I am very empathic. If someone is not paying attention I feel their feeling before they recognize them. Especially those in denial as children are want to be.
So I am well trained and gifted in getting in your head. With children it is easy for me.
Therefor over the years I have developed methods to keep myself from abusing my "gifts". LoL they are burdens.
This song is a little hokey pokey but I have loved it since when it came out.
Think hard on this and if even close -- change now! Get help if you cannot. And make amends
Have you ever even come close to bullying a child
First what not to do.
A controlled loud voice is a tool. An angry screaming voice is a weapon of massive destruction. Stand in front of the mirror. Turn your phone on to record audio at least. And practice both. If you are not psychotic you will notice the difference. Practice both so you recognize both so that you can control both. Practice until it feels right sounds right and looks right to you. Speak through your voice but listen through the childs' mind.
If you think that is silly or not worth your time. At least take a good look at yourself in the mirror and hopefully change your mind.
I was coaching my sons' Hotshots soccer team one day and spoke harshly to a little 4 year old. He bust into tears and I had to hold him the rest of the practice. About broke my arm. I was very concerned I had acted wrongly and dutifully told his mom when she picked up and apologized and promised I would work hard on being more gentle. She cried and hugged me with Ryan in between. And told me they thought about keeping Ryan home that day because his beloved Grammy had just passed away. Boy did that day put the fear of God in me. But Ryan came to the game that weekend and kicked some butt.
I do not care what a dictionary says bullying is causing harm to another for no good reason and/or lack of self control.
bullying a child with harsh words -- hey for that matter anyone -- is just wrong. If your harsh words cause crying because of remorse or obstinacy or just to get their way. You are doing it right.
If a child wants to do something and you decide he should not do that, some anger resentment is in order. Or sometimes just plain old sad then a cry is in order. For the parent I say "Mom UP" get tough. Do not give in.
Back to too harsh. If you are angry with a small child there is something wrong. Probably your frustration in having to take the time to deal with it. A distraction from something you think you need to do. Get over it. What you need to do is put down what you are doing and spend the time to raise your child. End of story.
Think about it. If you get upset because you cannot do what you want to do...... Well what are you teaching your child, and believe me they get smart fast.
Now this boy needs a whoopin! I told him no more cookies. hihihihi
3 to 5 strike rule.
Depending on comprehension level. The first two scoldings about being disobedient are calm and loving. Take the time to explain. I know you think they do not understand at 3. Well you would be wrong for most children. They can tell when you take the time to speak firmly and let them no what they did was wrong that it is important. That third time must reveal some sign of the suggestion of consequence and your upsetness at their behavior. Not so gentle and cold an prickly not warm and fuzzy. 4 & 5 you are escalating your tone and becoming harsh. Do not threaten except to say -- that makes daddy very upset and angry. Remember you have already practiced in the mirror and on recording. Number six maybe time for super harsh and punishment. I like time outs and taking something away. But I also come down very harsh. Harsh enough to make their eyes get big and cause some serious distress.
(these are not regarding safety issues -- There you simply remove the danger and gradually bring back as they are maturing)
Lastly. You have to earn the right to be harsh.
If you do not have the time for hugs and kisses and games and reading regularly. You got no right to be harsh about any thing. If you choose the path of non-involvement and non-dedication you are abandoning that child. If you cannot do good at least do no harm. Abdicate the job to someone somehow.
Single working moms. Let the danged house get dirty and fix insta-meals. Ask for friends help. Heck ask for strangers help I swear that I single half hour a day spending "quality" time with your child is worth at least two hours sleep. It just is. Brain chemistry reacting to love and the good feelings or something. I spend three months a year where my son only sees his mom for about a half hour in the morning 5-7 days a week. I think I am exhausted and five hours of sleep is not enough. And then that boy sits on my lap and somehow explains in the book that the caterpillar is eating that dinosaur and stacks ten blocks on top of each other and all I do is concentrate on him. And I am revived and ready to write into the night after he is asleep.
Stop the danged multi-tasking. Turn the danged phone off. Put on happy music and eat some comfort food with the child. Try it you will like it.
Make the time to just do something fun like ten minutes of stuff like this together and talk. Your child needs the security first and discipline second
As is this authors' want hear are some closing thoughts and a fun pic.
I have Deja Vu to my earliest childhood, it happens when I am very happy.
I remember the warnings my Dad gave me clear as a bell, but I cannot remember the punishments
I knew I had done wrong long before my mother did
I left home twice as a kid, but always on an adventure not running away
If you have spanked your child 4 times by the time they are 5 it is time to get help --- no no no not for the child for you.