- Family and Parenting
Introduction To "How To Deal With The Negative Ex"
Ahhh, so you have a ex, as most of us do. Some of us have better ones than others. Most of us have the horrible bad mouthing ex, or the meddling ex who won't get a clue, or all in all just a negative shadow of a ex. However, there are a select few of us who have wonderful glowing ex's who we were just not able to work it out with romantically but can still be civil with or even friendly with. (Hats of to those few!)
What we are going to discuss is how to deal with the unfavorable ex who just won't quit. The ex that continues to try to pull you into arguments or manipulate you even after the relationship is over. This behavior on your ex's part can be for many reasons. Maybe you share children, maybe they are just unwilling to let go. Whatever the reason maybe we will address some do's and don'ts here.
Does your ex try to bait you?
Well you are probably asking yourself "Bait? Oh what do you mean?"
Does you ex constantly call you or text you still regarding past incidents? Does your ex constantly try to contact you about things they may have left at your home or try to meet up with you to drop something off?
Yes? This is a bait! Your ex is baiting you. The ex will try to do whatever they can in order to try to force you into a interaction or conversation. This can be a text conversation, email, face to face meeting. They are hoping you will take the bait whether it is a old shirt, a old quarrel, etc. They want your attention whether it be good or bad.
What to do?
If you have already told your ex it is over and they continue to push communication and this goes for you doubly if you have started a new relationship.....IGNORE THEM!!! Ignore, Ignore, Ignore!! Some people may not agree but if you have shared with the ex that you wish to cut off communication with them or explained that it's over you need to ignore them. Ignoring people may not seem nice, but anything else can seem like you are leading them on and that's really not nice.
Take a page from the hit book He's Just Not That Into You. The book recommends that even if you would like to maintain a friendship with your ex that it's best to cut off communications for at least 6 months when processing a break up. Why? Because it takes time to heal. No matter how mutual a break up may seem, it's an emotional event and both parties need time to heal. So if you ex is constantly contacting you it's time to cut off communication.
Also if you moved onto a new relationship it's important for your significant other to feel confident that you have completely moved on. Allowing a ex to keep communicating with you or harassing you can be damaging to a budding new relationship and damage the confidence your new romantic interest has in the relationship.
So DO ignore your ex if they will not stop unwanted comminications
Let's just be friends?
Do you stay friends with your ex's?
ENGAGING IN HOSTILE BEHAVIOR
Dealing with a ex can be frustrating. Some ex's will go out of their way to make you flip your lid. DON'T give in! Don't stoop to their level. it's hard to take the high road in these matters but if you do, not only will you feel better about it in the long run but you will avoid much unneeded stress.
There is no need to take your ex seriously when they try to engage you in a argument refer to Do #1 Ignoring, then just simply state that you won't engage in said behavior. Don't respond to any petty gestures. If people ask you about any mudslinging your ex is doing around simply say it's untrue. Let people know it doesn't bother you because it's untrue and just because he or she maybe upset the relationship has ended doesn't make such things true.
In the long run people will respect you for not engaging or retaliating. They will see you as even temepered and civil and the other as just plain scorned and crazy.
So DON'T #1
Don't engage. Your ex wants you to engage with them, yell at them, do or say something stupid, so he or she can go around town telling everyone.