ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Am Your Parent Not Your Friend

Updated on March 29, 2015

My Hero

Why is My Child Making Bad Choices

Since becoming a mother 24 years ago, I have had this reoccurring idea. If I knew where to begin, I might actually follow through with it. We in the US, require mothers to take Lamaaz classes before giving birth. This is to teach women and men what to do during the birthing process. If we can require mothers to take classes on birthing, then why can't we require them to take parenting. No matter how great of a parent you are, you don't know it all, that includes me. So, why would I not be open to picking up a few things that will guide me in the process of becoming the best parent I can possible be. Our children didn't ask to be born. They deserve the best chance of leading a successful life. It is our responsibility to make sure they have that. Since they are not born with a handbook that gives us all the information we need and we are not all-knowing, we need to be open minded to the fact that maybe someone can give us what we are missing even if it seems like we have it all!

So, this is where I begin. When my daughter was born, I was 19 years old and ill equipped to be a parent. No offense mom, but I only knew what I had been taught. My daughter had night terrors until she was approximately 6-7 years old. I had no idea how little patience I had until our first experience with these constant waking, screaming, non-stop for hours middle of the night episodes. There really is no cause or I should say, no one has a cause that has been proven. Needless to say there is no proven cure. I cried because of the lack of patience. Then one day she had a tantrum in the bathtub, and this time she was awake. I lost it! I spanked her so hard on her wet bottom that I left welts. This was a wake-up call that I needed help! I signed myself up for parenting classes.

Now what does this have to do with being friends with my child. The fact is that when I took parenting classes, not only did I learn what to do when I was losing patience. I also learned one of the most valuable lessons of the course. I am not my child's friend. I am her parent. It is my responsibility to teach her how to be responsible, to keep her safe and how to make the safest choices she can. This is not just physical safety, it is emotional, spiritual and mental safety. That is the nature of our relationship.... I have a different relationship with my friends than I do my daughter. And, because this is my baby girl, my cub, my job.... it is!!! my job to keep her safe and teach her. If I don't then who will? And, seriously do I want anyone else, do I trust anyone else? Plus the simple fact of the matter is... I chose to bring this innocent child into the world and keep it. It is my responsibility to make sure she has the best possible chance to have the greatest life she can and be happy.

I am not her friend! This use to make her mad when she was younger. At the same time, I could see in her eyes the relief that someone was there to protect her. That someone cared for her enough to keep her safe was what truly mattered to this innocent little girl. But she was a child and just like all of us, we want what we want and we want it our way. So, when my daughter came to me with a want, I had to ask myself some simple questions. Not what did I want to do because it would be convenient for me, or give me freedom (I was young). The first question was always was it safe? Did I know where, when and who she was going with? Was it appropriate for her age? To me, an 8 year old is not old enough to make proper decisions to keep themselves safe at the mall no matter how many there are. Was it appropriate and conducive to her daily schedule? If she was going with other people, did I have all their information? Did I trust their decisions? I watched people constantly with their children, their interactions, their responses and their demeanor. If I didn't think that they were responsible enough to keep their own children safe, I would not send my daughter. No matter what looks they gave me, what crying evolved, what a bad mother people thought I was, it was my responsibility to keep her safe. I mean can you imagine, making a decision to let your child do something because you didn't want someone to view you as a negative parent, over strict, that was going to scar their child or whatever else people think. Then God forbid something terrible happens to them. Who has to live with that decision for the rest of their life? Not the person who was judging you! You do!

Children are not born with the knowledge to maneuver through life safely, with compassion for others, and regards to the fact that they are not the center of the universe. I think of it this way. My daughter was born as a blank sheet of white paper. She had resources standing by to become a person, but no written instructions on what to do. I was the primary resource whose job it was to help her decide how she was going to use those resources if she chose to use them. My job was to guide her to fill up her blank paper with experiences, and help her make the right choices about the experiences she wanted on that paper. I as a mother wanted as many positive and safe experiences as possible. If they were negative I wanted them to be something she would learn from so next time, if there was one, it would not be negative.

This is one of the most important lessons I learned as a parent. Today my child is not perfect, but she has resources to live life and be happy. She has a job that will keep her financially secure enough to do whatever she wants in life. She likes her job. She is a wonderful woman. I love to be around her. And, most importantly, she knows that it's ok to not have all the answers. She knows there are resources out there that she can use to help her find the ones she doesn't have.

My daughter is my hero! I look up to her! I watch her make decisions and overcome fear to be the person she wants to be. Now she is 24 and although she is an adult I still give her guidance. Today not only do I guide her, she is such a strong person that I learn from her decisions as well.

Hair Design by Uncle Morgan


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)