I am me, I am a Mother
Motherhood and Identity crisis
I am me, I am a mother.
This life will be spent,
You and me together.
I am me, a mother,
A daughter, a friend.
They say womanhood is not complete until you become a mother. When I learned I was pregnant, it was as if everything has changed overnight. My priorities have changed. I was not a “me, myself and I” anymore. Everything was for the coming baby. When I went out shopping, the first thing I looked for was the infant’s section. Everything that I wanted to buy was for the baby. When the baby came, a thought had crossed my mind. Was I still me? Did I lose my identity?
The thought came not just out of nowhere. Because everything suddenly changed. Added to that, husband, my relatives and my friends, all of them have their attention to my baby. Suddenly, I was just the baby’s mom. I felt angry for a time. With anger towards everybody for treating me that way, I focused on taking care of my baby. This continued for almost two months. I took note of the changes that my baby was undergoing, observed her actions, looked at her face that I sometimes saw what looked like a smile. Suddenly I realized I was happy. The anger was gone, the old me was back!
When we become mothers, we do not lose our identity. Rather, that identity is strengthened. Our character is improved. It’s our priorities that have changed. Maybe psychologists would not recommend what I did: shunning everyone out. But it worked for me. It made me realize that I had a new purpose: being a mom, and a good one at that. And I can proudly say I am.
This identity crisis is one of the normal phases a pregnant woman undergoes, together with shock and euphoria. Psychologists would say you just have to accept that your life has changed and embrace this new life with all your heart.
My daughter is turning 15 next month. All those years, never once did I miss the time when I was single. Never once did I feel any regret. Days were spent with happiness and contentment, with gratitude that I was given this chance to be a mother and a friend to my daughter.