I Forgave My Abuser Long Before I'll Ever Forgive My Mother for Allowing It, and Excusing It
She not only defended him, she did everything she could to make me a liar.
My own mother sat on the opposing side of the table at the deposition. She not only denied every accusation I made, and claimed I could have seen the birthmark on his penis from the shower (I was 12), she made false entries in my journal to insinuate I was some whore, some lolita who slept with grown men and lied through my teeth about everything I ever spoke of.
She literally set out to destroy me, to obliterate my credibility, and to put me on record as a liar and a promiscuous pre-teen. To defend him. To allow him to remain in the home, while sending me into a group home.
No matter how many years pass, I cannot find it in my heart to forgive her. Not even if it means the difference between drowning or swimming, myself. I will not let go of the hatred I have in my heart for her.
She has repeated it in years since, further proving that in her heart, she blames me instead of herself
I cannot fathom looking my child in the face and telling them they are a liar, that they fabricated accusations of abuse, that every incident they described was a coincedence, or a outright lie to cause upheavel in my life.
Knowing now that she is a narcissist, and absolutely incapable of truly loving another person should help, but it doesn't. I firmly believe that she knew what he was doing to me, and she allowed it. She not only stood idly by, but when I spoke up in defense of myself, she actively campaigned against me.
Worse still? Her mother of the year routine she loves to play in front of strangers. She truly is a sociopath. I cannot emphasize that enough. She is absolutely without a true emotion, unless it is for her, about her, and benefits her.
Years after his death, I can say I have let go of most of the hatred
I have. But only for him. As far as my mother is concerned, I hate her absolutely as much, if not more, than I did the day she stood against me and chose him.
I once tried to forgive her. I no longer do so. She not only hasn't earned forgiveness, she has never apologized. She holds one place in my life: An example of what type of woman I never want to be.
He may have molested me, but she defended him, and gave him access to me. He never owed me anything. She was supposed to be my mother. She missed that mark by a mile. I will never forgive her. I will despise her just as much on the day she takes her last breath.
Of that, I have never been anything less than positive.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 MsMacon
Comments
Ms Macon, thank you for sharing your oainful experiences with us...it horrifies and appals me the number of women ive met who have been physically or sexually abused...or both, we men gave to do something to respect our mothers,daughters,sisters, and equals...
As you yourself said...your mother is a sociopath...im not asking you to forgive her horrible crimes...after all im a stranger to you...but please release that hate...to unburden your own soul...I was with a bi-polar sociooath for 8 years...they are hirrubly toxic people who live in their own reality( im speaking of those who dont treat it, of course)
Anyways you touched mt spirit...God bless and how can we as a society treat our ladies better? Maybe you or someone has ideas
You owe her nothing and she deserves nothing from you. Although many would refute this, personal experience has taught me that forgiveness doesn't always bring peace nor does it allow you to let it go.
Some things are just...unforgiveable.
Forgiveness just means you're "letting it go".
You're no longer going to dwell on something anymore.
Just because you forgive someone does not mean they have to remain in your life! You can forgive your mother and never see or speak to her again. Simply close the chapter on that part of life.
Life is a (personal) journey.
You get to (choose) who you spend your time with.
The opposite of love is NOT hate. It's "indifference".
Eliminate the emotional connection and she becomes a stranger.
You'll never be "free" until you let her and the hate go.
For your purposes she's dead! There's no point looking back.
Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.
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