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I need a Pensieve!!

Updated on April 15, 2013

"I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.... At these times... I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure." - Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter, in The Goblet Of Fire.


I wish I had a pensieve too. The thousand and one thoughts running through my head could then be removed, giving some relief to my well-worked mind. How in the world am I supposed to tell my brain that I don't want to think of something? Doesn't that lead to my thinking of exactly the thing I was hoping to avoid? Hubby dearest, have you ever tried doing it, for all the times that you have told me to try it?


Post marriage, I found the need for a pensieve to have increased. Pre-marriage, I did not have many requirements. I was well looked after, Aai and Baba treated me like a princess, I had a good job which paid all my bills and allowed me to save enough, and absolutely no cares in the world! Then came reality, in the form of marriage, and suddenly, I had to start paying bills, keeping an eye on expenses, taking care of the house, etc etc. Suddenly, all kinds of thoughts started popping up - did we have enough for insurance, were we prepared for the future, was I doing enough for both my families? Wanting to keep someone happy is a full time job, one that I probably never expected myself to do.


Just 2 years of thinking about the future, and I had reached a stage of burnout. At times I used to feel like my head would burst open with the amount of thinking I was doing. I always used to wonder at how easily my friends S & A, would pen down their thoughts. I would marvel at how all that they used to say all the things I wished I could say, either to my parents, or my hubby, or my friends. A then suggested that I start writing down my thoughts. I scoffed at her, saying I'm not a writer. But slowly, I found myself thinking, as if I was reading my own thoughts, and I found myself to be a calmer person.


Today, I decided to start writing. As I have penned down the above words, I can feel myself thinking about all the phases of my life, and how each one of them have made me the person I am. As I write, I appreciate all the people who have stood by me, especially my parents and my hubby.


As I am writing, hubby is probably rolling his eyes at me thinking,"What's this new thing now? Isn't it enough thinking about it, that now she wants to write about it?". How does it matter luv? At least I am not expecting you to understand each and every thing I think about. I have a list in my head, about all the things I want to talk, learn, or write about. And slowly, I'm sure, order will arise from chaos!


Till the next time,

M.

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