ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Family and Parenting»
  • Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice

Parenting after divorce

Updated on August 11, 2015
FitfunNflashy profile image

Mom of 3 that has adopted a new lifestyle. I am fit, fine, fashionable and turning 40. With this milestone ahead, I'm blogging for fun.

Instead of asking yourself if you are wrong for feeling this way...

Sometimes in divorce children are the glue that keeps the parents together. Once this glue dissolves and the structure is left exposed we begin to see that we have to deal with a relationship that no longer exists. Suddenly we are vulnerable. Divorce can bring about a series of negative emotions.

We all have our shortcomings and you have to accept that you are not solely to blame for your relationship's demise. Let go of problems that are beyond your control. Enter into an agreement with yourself and understand that you must live in the present. You can’t control your future. What is happening to you will happen regardless of whether you want to be a participant.

You must decide to be an “active” participant. If you allow yourself to self-destruct, you will have to enter into the process of re-building yourself back up. During this life change you will function at a less than ideal level. It is acceptable that you will not give your best to every situation. Some of your encounters with others will feel as if you have checked out and be less than optimal until your heartache subsides. Divorce is a journey and a complicated relationship that you are forming with your past, present and future, Reliving good memories does not help you to detach yourself from your former life. Dealing with your emotions in a healthy way takes time. This unexpected life event is not like a wedding or a birth. It is not always greeted with happiness. Although triggering events might validate the decision to separate and force you to see why your lives can no longer be joined, it won’t make coping easier.

Remember, positive self-talk is important and will truly help in coping with divorce. Embracing the concept that there is no model for divorce is helpful. If you focus on this fact, it will be easier to see that you do not have to play a role. You also don’t have to involve others in this conflict. It is possible to avoid common power struggles and arguments. One of my favorite quotes reminds us that divorce today doesn't have to mean constant sparring. You can raise the flag and surrender. “Surrendering does not involve preparing for a soft landing, it means just landing on hard, ordinary ground, on rocky wild countryside, once we open ourselves, then we land on what is.” Even if one of you is having a difficult time disconnecting entirely from the relationship, it is ok to create distance. You will never outgrow this situation and will forever be dealing with this phase of your life in some way. Instead of asking yourself if you are wrong for feeling this way, remember no diagram exists for how you should be feeling.

© 2015 FitfunNflashy

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is used to quickly and efficiently deliver files such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisements has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)