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Is Family Life Worst than it used to be?

Updated on April 21, 2018
DDE profile image

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

The changes in family Lives

Family Stress

The death of a brother at forty-two is a stressful time in a family.

He was remembered for a decent man and saw wrong and tried to write that.

The man saw suffering, and tried to heal it, and saw war and tried to stop it.

The Family

A family is set of intimate and personal relationships.

These relationships may be legal as in a marriage or extralegal as in communal family groups.

You speak of a family, of friends, fraternity brothers, sorority sisters, and kissing cousins.

Use family-related terms to communicate the intimacy of these relationships.

One of the functions of a family is to govern societal control of reproduction, and child-rearing.

Though there are some marriage partners who do not have children by choice or anatomical condition.

Children should be raised within a family structure.

A family can take many forms, and some single women choose to conceive children.

The social expectation is still that a child will be born to a married couple.

The effective family

What makes a family effective?

There is someone around whom other family members cluster.

They have a switchboard operator

There is someone who keeps track of what all the others are up to.

They are much to all their members but everything to none

Family members are encouraged to be involved and to have some of their needs met by people outside of the family.

They are hospitable!

They recognize that hosts need guests as much as guests need hosts.

They maintain a surrounding of honorary family members.

These guests become additional support systems for family members.

The deal squarely with directness
When trouble starts in a family life when the occasional trouble is unavailable.

It is dealt with quickly and openly and is not allowed to threaten family bonds.

They prize their rituals.

They observe holidays together, grieve at funerals together, and in other ways encourage a sense of continuity and connection.

They are affectionate.

Family members hug, kiss and gingerly shake hands.

They are quick to demonstrate love and caring for one another.

They have a sense of place
There is a house, a town, or some other place to which they feel connected.

Even families who have moved away from their home place.

They can feel connected to the place.

They honor their elders.

Grandparents and other elderly relatives are respected, and taken care for as should be in many families.

Their experience and wisdom and they, themselves are valued.

Sometimes parents are abusive toward their children.

A few family members are separated from each other, and some people are impoverished, financially, emotionally, or morally.

That is the last thing on their minds is helping to satisfy family needs.

There are single-parent families, blended families, and dysfunctional families.

There are families whose members just don't know any better.

Those who are busy providing some of the needs.

For example:

Economic support, that other needs go unmet like love.

However, when the family is effective, it can be such a major influence that nothing can compare with the effect on their total existence and future.

The Dual-Career Family

More women are married and have young children are working outside the home than ever before.

A woman who works outside the home experiences stresses about juggling all her responsibilities.

She is also bothered by what she is missing.

Having to deal with a babysitter is very painful.

All you can see is another woman holding, loving, and caring for your new baby.

You are paying her to do all the things you wish you could be doing.

Now enter the husband, who must adapt his life to the new family style involving his wife's work.

He must assume a larger share of the household and child-rearing responsibilities than before, and these changes are stressful.

Finally, in this question, the child must also adapt to Mother's not being around as much.

The child must cope with a babysitter or day-care staff and learn to be sufficient at an earlier age.

All of this is not to say that women should not or need not work outside the home.

A woman who is trained for a career and not pursuing it could experience more stress than that associated with combining mothering, home keeping, and a career.

If she feels more stress, the chances are that so will her husband and child.

However, that dual-career families are potentially stressful should not be denied.

Children

A friend once warned me that children are geometric, rather than arithmetic, stress.

What that person meant was that a couple who has a child has added stress equivalent to two extra adults.

A couple with one child who has another has multiplied.

Their stress by some number other than one or two, and a couple with two children.

Children are wonderful but are stressful.

It is understandable since stress involves adjusting to change.

Although you are changing, children are changing more rapidly, repeatedly, and dramatically than mature adults.

Children's bodies are changing, their minds developing, and their social skills and life-space expanding. To expect such change not to be stressful is unrealistic.

Furthermore, when children change, so does the family.

They are able to assume more responsibilities, take on more jobs, become more self-sufficient, and hold more firm opinions than when younger.

These changes affect other members of the family.

For example:

When children become old enough to drive the family car, the parents no longer need to make themselves available for carpools.

They must take on other stressful moments.

For example,

''Will your child and the car get home in one piece tonight?''


It leads you to those notorious teenage years.
Parents who see their children approaching ''teenage-hood'' sometimes find their knees knocking together, their hearts racing, and their headaches visiting more frequently.

Teenagers may get involved with drugs, sex, vandalism, shoplifting, automobile accidents, or truancy.

They may be possible to discipline, talk, with, or get to see very often, or they may have problems with their teachers, their friends or their bosses.

On the other hand, there may be companions, helpers, and interesting to talk with; they may be brilliant, and committed to causes.

The willingness to persevere to achieve goals, and they may be someone of whom you are very proud of.

A sobering piece of evidence of this is the number of teenagers who are stressed out and attempt suicide.

Other years of growth may be stressful for parents and children, too.

The parent-child relationship has been described as three-phased:

Bonding

Detachment

Reunion

During the bonding years, the child learns to love, approval, and acceptance from the family.

The detachment years is when the child learns independence and relies less on a family.

The reunion years occurs after the child is independent and is secure enough to re-bond with the family.

Bonding is a preteen phase, detachment a teen phase, and reunion a post-teen phase. Each of these phases has its own stress and its own joys.

Parenting skills have changed and for some parents it has become tough, using old traits can change things for the better at home or make things worse.

Children have a mind of their own and when they get older they decide for themselves.

Family life has fewer conversations with children. Modern technology has occupied family.time.

Parenting ideas are modern and free spirited

Many Parents find their Roles Extremely Difficult

Parenting skills

Were you or are you Stressed-out by the Changes of Parenting skills?

See results

© 2013 Devika Primić

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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Benjamin Chege thanks for the vote up, useful awesome and beautiful and for sharing your thoughts here have a good day

    • profile image

      Benjamin Chege 

      4 years ago

      Hi DDE. Useful and beautiful tips you have given here on how to maintain a healthy and effective family unit. Voted up, useful, awesome and beautiful.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      CrisSp so much has changed not every individual respects anyone nowadays. thanks for commenting

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 

      4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very educational! Sadly, the phrase "honor their elders" doesn't seem to be very effective anymore as in the olden days. Good job in laying out the dynamics and importance of a family it the society.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nell Rose Great to read a comment from you and nice to see that you are still writing. Thanks very much for stopping by

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      4 years ago from England

      Hi DDE, fascinating read about the dynamics of family life, and yes I remember it well when my son became a teen, we had all the worries and problems that do change how we interacted. The effect of looking after our older relatives has been talked about a lot over here on tv. It seems our care homes are terrible with looking after and respecting our elders, something has to be done and done quick.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      midget38 thanks for commenting on my hub Is Family Life Worst than it used to be:

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      4 years ago from Singapore

      This was really interesting DDE. Great tips for observing good family life!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Faith Reaper you are right about the dinner part most families don't sit down together for dinner so it is difficult to more of a family member well said, thanks for votes up and sharing so kind of you to come by.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      hi Jackie Lynnley thanks for your valuable input here so true raising children today is really challenging

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      4 years ago from southern USA

      Excellent article, full of great insight. Yes, I believe the downfall of the family started when we simply cut out having dinner together, yes, just having that one meal together makes all the difference in the world.

      Up and more and sharing

      Hugs, Faith Reaper

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I would certainly hate to be raising children today. I do think way too many have children since many just set them free to do whatever and never take any responsibility or provide guidance. Great subject to approach. ^

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Is Family Life Worst than it used to be, FlourishAnyway, you are so kind to stop by at my hubs on a daily basis thanks for very much

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Thelma Alberts thanks for taking part in this hub discussion and sharing your opinions

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      4 years ago from USA

      I like how you pointed out the various functions of a family. (And sometimes the chief is a chief princess.) Parenthood and family life certainly does change as kids grow and adapt. I like your example about the teenager driving the family car. So much can happen, so much is at risk but yet we have to let go.

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 

      4 years ago from Germany

      No, I´m not stressed out by parenting skill. Family is very important to our society and it is the basic fundament of it. Thanks for sharing this insightful hub. Well done!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      CraftytotheCore you always stop by and so kind of you thanks for sharing your views here

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Romeos Quill I enjoy reading your hubs you are talented writer Thanks very much for the insightful comment on Is Family Life Worst than it used to be I appreciate you stopping by and have a good day.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      sheilamyers thanks for commenting so nice of you to stop by

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      epbooks so glad you came by and share your views thanks

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 

      4 years ago

      Very insightful Hub DDE! The dynamics of families have certainly changed, and I do believe it's more stressful today than ever before. I love how you frame all of these perspectives in this delightful-to-read explanative topic.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 

      4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      It seems like you have it down to a fine art DDE. The Wisdom behind the inception of a properly functioning family - perhaps it is an ideal for most, but nevertheless, your article is informative, useful and educational.

      A father is needed to administer proper discipline, as children naturally do stupid things and need steering in the right direction for a healthy, wealthy and fulfilling life. They are also the essential fulcrum that others need to turn to when the sh!t hits the fan in matters of finance and essential life issues, by exercising experiential knowledge in that family unit, and also as being the protector of such - the polite thug who becomes the lion to destroy all attacks on the family.The role of grand parents is often overlooked, but they are often pivotal in the family.

      Thank you, and enjoy a marvellous evening;

      R.Q.

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 

      4 years ago

      I love this hub. I really love that you talked about families respecting their elders. It seems the older I get, the less of that I see in the younger generation.

    • epbooks profile image

      Elizabeth Parker 

      4 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Very interesting and well-written hub. You did a great job outlining the functions of family.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi MsDora yes so true about how complex and enjoyable a family can be thanks very much for coming by

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Quite an insightful review on family dynamics. The various scenarios remind us of how complex and yet how enjoyable family can be.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello billybuc you are right and thanks for sharing your views here

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      To answer your poll no, this does not stress me out. All I can do is educate through my writings. I cannot control the parenting skills of millions of people....having said that, the premise that family life is worst than it once was is quite accurate if viewed over the whole of society.

      Very interesting and some great points made.

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