- Family and Parenting
Is Family Life Worst than it used to be?
Parenting has Changed Over the Years
The changes in Family Lives
The death of a brother at forty two is a stressful time in a family.
He was remembered for a decent man and saw wrong and tried to right that.
The man saw suffering and tried to heal it, and saw war and tried to stop it.
A family is set of intimate and personal relationships.
These relationships may be legal as in a marriage or extralegal as in communal family groups.
You speak of a family, of friends, fraternity brothers, sorority sisters, and kissing cousins.
Use family-related terms to communicate the intimacy of these relationships.
One of the functions of a family is to govern societal control of reproduction, and child rearing. Though there are some marriage partners who do not have children by choice or anatomical condition.
Children should be raised within a family structure.
A family can take many forms, and some single women choose to conceive children.
The social expectation is still that a child will be born to a married couple.
The Effective Family
What makes a family effective?
There is someone around whom other family members cluster.
They have a switchboard operator
There is someone who keeps track of what all the others are up to.
They are much to all their members but everything to none
Family members are encouraged to be involved, and to have some of their needs met by people outside of the family.
They are hospitable
They recognize that hosts need guests as much as guests need hosts.
They maintain a surrounding of honorary family members.
These guests become additional support systems for family members.
The deal squarely with directness
When trouble starts in a family life, when the occasional trouble is unavailable.
It is dealt with quickly and openly and is not allowed to threaten family bonds.
They prize their rituals
They observe holidays together, grieve at funerals together, and in other ways encourage a sense of continuity and connectedness.
They are affectionate
Family members hug, kiss and gingerly shake hands.
They are quick to demonstrate love and caring for one another.
They have a sense of place
There is a house, a town, or some other place to which they feel connected.
Even families who have moved away from their home place.
They can feel connected to the place.
They honor their elders
Grandparents and other elderly relatives are respected, and taken care for as should be in many families.
Their experience and wisdom and they, themselves are valued.
Sometimes parents are abusive toward their children.
A few family members are separated from each other, and some people are impoverished, financially, emotionally, or morally.
That is the last thing on their minds is helping to satisfy family needs.
There are single-parent families, blended families, and dysfunctional families.
There are families whose members just don't know any better.
Those who are busy providing some of the needs.
For example: Economic support, that other needs go unmet like love.
However, when the family is effective, it can be such a major influence that nothing can compare with the effect on their total existence and future.
The Dual-Career Family
More women are married and have young children are working outside the home than ever before.
A woman who works outside the home experiences stress about juggling all her responsibilities.
She is also bothered over what she is missing.
Having to deal with a baby-sitter is very painful.
All you can see is another woman holding, loving, and caring for your new baby.
You are paying her to to do all the things you wish you could be doing.
Now enter the husband, who must adapt his life to the new family style involving his wife's work.
He must assume a larger share of the household and child-rearing responsibilities than before, and these changes are stressful.
Finally, in this question, the child must also adapt to Mother's not being around as much.
The child must cope with a baby-sitter or day-care staff and learn to be more sufficient at an earlier age.
All of this is not to say that women should not or need not work outside the home.
A woman who is trained for a career and not pursuing it could experience more stress than that associated with combining mothering, home keeping, and a career.
If she feels more stress, the chances are that so will her husband and child.
However, that dual-career families are potentially stressful should not to be denied.
A friend once warned me that children are geometric, rather than arithmetic, stressors.
What that person meant was that a couple who has a child has added stress equivalent to two extra adults.
A couple with one child who have another has multiplied.
Their stress by some number other than one or two, and a couple with two children.
Children are wonderful, but are stressful.
It is understandable, since stress involves adjusting to change.
Although you are changing, children are changing more rapidly, repeatedly, and dramatically than mature adults.
Children's bodies are changing, their minds developing, and their social skills and life-space expanding. To expect such change not to be stressful is unrealistic.
Furthermore, when children change, so does the family.
They are able to assume more responsibilities, take on more jobs, become more self-sufficient, and hold more firm opinions than when younger.
These changes affect other members of the family.
When children become old enough to drive the family car, the parents no longer need to make themselves available for car pools.
They must take on other stressful moments.
For example, ''Will your child and the car get home in one piece tonight?''
It leads you to those notorious teenage years.
Parents who see their children approaching ''teenage-hood'' sometimes find their knees knocking together, their hearts racing, and their headaches visiting more frequently.
Teenagers may get involved with drugs, sex, vandalism, shoplifting, automobile accidents, or truancy.
They may be possible to discipline, talk, with, or get to see very often, or they may have problems with their teachers, their friends or their bosses.
On the other hand, there may be companions, helpers, and interesting to talk with; they maybe brilliant, and committed to causes.
The willing to persevere to achieve goals; and they may be someone of whom you are very proud of.
A sobering piece of evidence of this is the number of teenagers who are stressed out, and attempt suicide.
Other years of growing may be stressful for parents and children, too.
The parent-child relationship has been described as three-phased:
During the bonding years the child learns love, approval, and acceptance from the family.
The detachment years, is when the child learns independence and relies less on family.
The reunion years occurs after the child is independent and is secure enough to re-bond with the family.
Bonding is a preteen phase, detachment a teen phase, and reunion a post-teen phase. Each of these phases have its own stressors and its own joys.
Parenting skills have changed and for some parents it has become tough, using old traits can change things for the better at home or make things worse.
Children have a mind of their own and when they get older they decide for themselves.
Family life has less conversations with children. Modern technology has occupied family.time.
Many Parents find their Roles Extremely Difficult
Were you or are you Stressed-out by the Changes of Parenting skills?
© 2013 Devika Primić