- Family and Parenting
5 Things about being childless
I support every woman's motherhood choice. I just don't see myself as a mother.
There is a time in one´s life when invitations for parties get replaced by invitations for weddings. And what is worst, pink or blue invitations for baby showers or toddlers’ birthday parties.
There is a time of one´s life when everybody around start talking about diapers, formula brands, the new gadget to watch kids while they sleep (and you don´t), kindergarten options, first steps, first words and so on.
Don´t get me wrong. Is not that I hate this happening around me. It is just that I don´t seem to fit in it. I don´t understand what all that is about.
I am professional woman, 30 now. I have a stable relationship, I own a company. I love travelling, go to concerts anywhere in the planet, go up and down hills, exercising, photographing, tasting every kind of food and drinks that come close to my hands, love sleeping and resting. I enjoy very much my life; I just like it as it is.
Around 10 years ago I decided that marriage wasn´t something that I was aiming for. I didn´t understand it in my 20´s and I don´t understand it now. Some people may say that I am immature, or that I haven´t found the love of my life yet. While some others would say that is just who I am.
Couple of years ago, recently actually due to the biological tic toc and lots of baby showers around me, I decided that motherhood wasn´t for me either. There are a lot of women that enjoy being mothers and I fully support that decision. It is just that I don't see myself as a mother.
Facts and trends...
There is late maternity trend worldwide. In 1960, the fertility rate in US per 1000 women of childbearing age was 120, while in year 2000 the rate fell to 67. In Japan after WW II there was a baby boom with a rate of 4 kids per women. This rate declined to 2 kids in 1957 and 1.54 kids in 1990. Source
There are number of factors that influence these changes: increase in female employment, rising education levels of women, opening up of career occupations once dominated by males and changing in social attitude.
Marriage rates have also contributed to this phenomenon. Since 1970, late marriage has been the primary contributor to the decline in fertility in Japan. For the age group 25-29, the proportion of women married decreased from 81%in 1970 to 59% in 1990. Source
Maybe is about time to re write the biological life cycle that we all learned in science class. The birth-growth-reproduction-death path might be getting obsolete.
The birth-growth-reproduction-death path might be getting obsolete
Well, here are 5 things I would like people to know:
1. No, I am not immature; I am in my 30´s so I more or less know what I want for my life. Don´t expect me to open my eyes one day and go get pregnant.
2. No, choosing to be childless is not selfish. I´m actually being very considerate about someone else's life by recognizing that I might not be good at parenting. And if being childless is selfish, isn´t it selfish to have kids so you don´t have to grow old alone?
3. No, I won´t regret myself not having children because I don't perceive motherhood as an accomplishment in my life, I don't believe being a mother is a must, just because I was born female.
4. No, I don't fear growing old alone because even if I had kids, they will eventually grow up and make their own lives, leaving me alone. I have already made peace with my loneliness, so I don't fear it. I am surrounded by people: co workers, friends, family. So why would I feel alone?
5. If I need some childishness in my life, I can always count in my friends' and family's children. The best thing of it is that I can have a great time with children that I love, but when I get bored and tired, I just have to give them back to their parents and go home to get some peaceful and quite rest.
© 2014 Jhoanna Rosales