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Part 1: Is There Hope for A Dysfunctional Family

Updated on March 12, 2011

Starting over

WE still have eachother
WE still have eachother

There will alway's be new beginning's

Disfunctional Parents don't realize the long term effects that their behavior has on their children. The effects can be devastating and can damage a child for life. Their reality takes on a whole new meaning. Trust becomes a major issue.

Their values have been compromized. There is a constant war raging inside from their past. And love? I don't think they ever learn how as long as the disfunction is present. Having a good relationship is almost impossible. As siblings they can't even look to eachother for help or love because there is usually sibling rivalry due to the effects. Taking it all out on eachother when eachother is who they really need.

Many children are ignored and made to feel they don't exist. This happens when there is a lack of communication in marriage and with their children. The feeling of non- existance causes depression and anxiety. As siblings they can't depend on eachother because there is no trust. They try to do it alone and alone they shall be for a long time. They create a distance between eachother when that's the last thing they need.

Can anyone relate to this? Are you living with or have you lived in a disfuntional family? How does one move past it? How does one begin putting it all back together when they themselves are falling apart. How does one even know what to do when they don't know where to start? When all they experianced was the total opposite of love. And without trust there cannot be love. Is there hope???

Whether you believe it or not there is hope! There is always hope! Sometimes you have to take a chance. Is there risk? There is always risk but there is something better and that something I'm certain is better than doing nothing.

One needs to step out in faith and hope. Take a chance. Maybe it will be worth it. Maybe is better than not. Right now there is not to love, not to trust, not to hope. Not to do anything but to be stuck like this for the rest of our lives.

To change is to step out in faith and begin concentrating on hope. Nothing is impossible unless we make it impossible. We can achieve the impossible just by setting our minds on the possibilities. The courage is within us. We just need to start being couragious.

Nothing worth having is ever easy and the rewards are endless. The rest of our lives are at stake and we have the power to change it. Let us begin now and stop hurting eachother as siblings and start helping eachother. If anything we've learned how to fight. Don't you think it's time we start fighting for eachother? We're not only fighting for eachother but we're also fighting for our own unique identity as well as our future. Take that chance. Break down those barriors. It's never too late. Chance could be a whole lot better...if we try.

Here are two wonderful hub links to help heal and avoid the cycle of abuse. I suggest you read them for there is much needed imformation here. You can stop this cycle and give yourself and your children hope. God bless you!



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    • profile image 7 years ago

      This is in regards to the first comment on about this post. In the biblical story of

      ‘Sibling rivalry” between the twins, Esau and Jacob, the dysfunction that was created came from the parents. As in the sample below:

      The boys displayed very different natures as they matured. "Esau became a hunter, a man of the field, but Jacob was a simple man, a dweller in tents" (Genesis 25:27). Moreover, the attitudes of their parents toward them also differ: "Isaac loved Esau because game was in his mouth, but Rebecca loved Jacob".

      Clearly the parents did not demonstrate good parenting due to the favoritisms and the cycle continues. The hidden message in this story lies on the part when the mother of the twins was given a message before the boys were born that they were going to fight when their older. Since she was told this information from a prophet in that, she believed it and thus having negative assumptions rather than positive. She then became overprotected and favoritism screwed up the twins. It seems to me that “prophet” who gave the mom the information on the boys was not a good one. The parents chose to believe the negative.

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Time Hello sister. I can certainly relate to dysfunction. WHO is not or was not in some sort of dysfunction? Kidding. Knowledge is key because the chain can be cut. It is work but with Jesus all things are possible. Dr. Jesus can redeem all that was hurt, missing, null and void. It is very hard on the family and my heart so goes for the little ones. God intervenes. That is the hope we have in HIm. We live in a world of dysfunction. Our fallen world. God is on the Throne. Great hub time, many need to hear about hope and you have laid it out. May God continue to Bless your works sister. Up and awesome. Many Blessings this year to you and yours. In Him

      Love You timehealsall!!

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you heart4theword, barriers can hold us prisoner and it's almost impossible to move forward. Someone needs to break the ice. I know from experiance that as long as I allowed those barriers to keep me from the one's I loved I was miserable. I try now to set a good example to my siblings and in doing so we now have communication and a hope for love.

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 8 years ago from hub

      No barriers is a good thing:) So much peace comes, when we can get rid of the walls around our hearts! Encouraging Hub:)

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you coffeesnob. I like the way you said "the way families function". That would make a whole other hub. That's very interesting how you can see what has gone on through generations. I would like to know more about that. It's really sad how this continues on and on. God can change this cycle and give new hope for generations to come.

    • profile image

      coffeesnob 8 years ago

      I did an genogram once on my family. A genogram show not only a gernerational family tree, but also the emotinal ties as well. These were which were always equivelant to the way our family funtctioned. In other words I could see that there was abandonment in my family by the fathers from 2 generations that I know of, then that of my daughter's father made 3 generations. Seeing this on paper helped me see what emotional ties I had to those and it gave great break through. But I would never have had the breakthrough without the guidance of the Holy spirit who helped me see with eyes that longed for change and heart that was willing to follow the Lord. Great hub!

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      I agree with Quill as well. I took my father to the doctor which gave me time to talk with him and I ask him how his relationship had been with his parents and he said he was severly abused. In fact his mother left him as an infant. He carried this anger, resentment and bitterness throughout his lifetime.

      And you are right Unchained Grace that most abuse does go unnoticed. There is so much going on behind closed doors that we will never be aware of.

    • Unchained Grace profile image

      Unchained Grace 8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Quill, you are absolutely correct. What you have said has been proven on so many levels. However, in my experience it takes God's intercession to break it. The thing is, we need to reach out to Him for that and there are so many who keep their issues "inhouse" until a tragedy strikes that we often don't see it until there's a need for a "clean-up" crew.

    • profile image

      "Quill" 8 years ago

      Over the past few generations especially prior to ours we are finding generational sin being passed down and assumed by the next. If one of your parents were indifferent or abusive verbally and had trouble showing or teaching love there is a very good change one of their parents were the same and back it goes.

      I do believe it is a learned trait and yet the power of God and the willingness of those who suffer can break the chain.

      The true key is recognizing it is present and taking authority through Christ.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you Unchained Grace. I so appreciate your insight. I rely on Jesus for my strength through it all. I don't think I would have come through it without his love and guidance. My hope is to reach others and give them hope and courage as well. May God Bless you my friend!

    • Unchained Grace profile image

      Unchained Grace 8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      TimeHealsAll, as both natural and spiritual children, we begin with a relative clean slate. Jeremiah, in the beginning, thought himself to be a child as did Solomon (I Kings 3:7).

      We begin life needing examples to emulate. When these examples are in fact unequally yoked and/or unstable in their ways, this sets the stage for the dysfunctionality which is spread not just through the immediate family but can become a "manmade" generational curse, if you will.

      Absolutely there is hope for the dysfunctional family and like Blind Bartimaeus, it takes the realization of where you are and the motivation to "get off the curb" and seek the healing power of Jesus. Please accept what I am about to say not as a promo for my Hub but as a sermon I did entitled "The 7 Key Steps to Deliverance." Families who were once confused and distraught came together on the altar that Sunday.

      Put it all on the alter. I did. I had to. The bitterness and hatred inside of me was too deep for me to begin looking at. It does require you "throw aside your garment" so to speak. Let not those things of the past get in the way of the healing and miracles only Jesus can bring about.

      We see it every day while dealing with the homeless and reuniting families with their loved ones. So, what I'm telling you has a very firm basis in the reality of success!

      Reconcile with Jesus if you find yourself distanced. Look towards Hosea 14. Please.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      I lived in constant fear growing up until my parents finally divorced. That was the happiest day of my life. It's sad when that is a good thing. My mother built us a strong foundation in Jesus Christ and I believe that is what kept us alive. All of this made me a stronger more determined person even though I didn't know it at the time. I love having you as a brother no body and thanks for your message of hope.

    • no body profile image

      Robert E Smith 8 years ago from Rochester, New York

      Growing up with on again, off again love is no fun. But the Lord God is always the same and will always love us. As we love Him and let Him love through us we become consistant in our love toward others. We will trust more because it is God who secures us. Others will trust us more because they see something in us that inspires trust, God. Thank you for being my sister, TimeHealsAll. I love being your brother. May trust form between us until the bond ever unbreakable takes us into the kingdom of which there is no end.

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you peacenhim! I so want to minister to dysfunctional families and by sharing I feel this may help a great deal. My life was tranformed through Jesus Christ and I will forever be thankful!!!!!!AMEN!!!

    • profile image

      peacenhim 8 years ago

      This is a wonderful message of HOPE AND FAITH!! I too know all too well the hurts and wounds of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Too many egos warring one another when so many children are involved from other marriages. Even today, after more than thirty years, there's still certain tensions within a few family members who want to hold onto past hurts. The best thing anyone can do is to lay it all before the foot of the cross. Ask God to take it all, give it to Him, as He is truly the mender of souls, "I will mend the broken hearted." He said....and those who are peacemakers, meek and humble will received the gift of God's transformation. Which is a New Heart, a heart of love and flesh, not a heart of hurt and stone. God bless you TimeHealsAll for sharing your own story and taking the step of Faith.

      God is Great, and greatly to be praised! Amen!

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Thank you RevLady. We can overcome all things through Jesus Christ! Amen sister!!!

    • TimeHealsAll profile image

      TimeHealsAll 8 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      I love you too!! If one's experiance can help someone else it's so worth everything we can do. Yes we now have a new life in Jesus Christ for he has always been our unfailing Father. Trust can begin in him and last throughout our lifetime. All things are possible with him. I am so thankful that there is hope in him and healing. Praise his Holy name!!!

    • RevLady profile image

      RevLady 8 years ago from Lantana, Florida

      Well, from my perspective TimeHealsAll, as a world created by God, we are all His children and did not come from a dysfunctional parent but chose to be disobedient. Thus, dysfunction (sin) is inherent in every family. Our hope is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

      Thank you for this wonderful hub provoking thoughts on the struggles of families.

      Forever His,

    • Judah's Daughter profile image

      Judah's Daughter 8 years ago from Roseville, CA

      I sometimes think about prisoners, each having committed a crime (while many are innocent and just got caught up in circumstancial evidence). Each comes from some sort of dysfunctional family and thus become a 'family' in prison. They must always wonder if they can trust each other. All throughout the Bible we witness sibling rivalry, even to the utmost: Cain killing Abel; Joseph's brothers selling him into slavery; Jacob taking the birthright from Esau, etc. Truly, when anyone is sincere in his/her walk with the Lord ~ those in the Lord's family trust each other. The dysfunction is weeded out by God's love in us. He is now the Father of the family, praise God! Our hope lies in Him. I love you!!


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