- Family and Parenting
Jaycee Dugard....................my Heart Aches
My heart aches
As I look at the new picture of Jaycee Dugard, a happy smiling young woman, in the new People magazine, I can't help but feel heartache. I can honestly say I hope neither mother nor daughter reads this hub, because I just want to pour out my heart concerning this situation.
I won't go into the particulars about the case, because they've been covered well enough. But here's what I'd like to say.
Looking at all the photos of Ms. Dugard, nothing betrays the heartache and pain she, nor her parents went through, and I'm glad. However, my heart aches..................it aches when I think of all the years she and her mother were deprived of each other. I have two adult daughters and I can remember all of their memorable moments, between 11 and the age they are now. Jaycee's age is between both of their ages. Because I am a mother's mother, I shared all of my daughters moments between 11, and the present, as I feel Jaycee's mother would have done.
For instance, to put it delicately, when both my daughters, physically became women, these were precious moments for us to share. As they began to develop womanly bodies, we shared these things, both with delight, and dismay at times, but we shared. I must leave this part now, as they are going to be mortified that I even mentioned this. My heart aches, for the Dugard women because they missed this time in their lives.
Let me interject at this point. As I said, I don't want the Dugard women to read this, however, those of you who have daughters 11, and over, and go through life nonchalantly, giving no thought to the everyday happenings in their lives, STOP NOW! Take a second look, make uneventful moments, eventful. What did she do today? Did she run in from school with some new gossip, a good grade or bad, or even a broken nail? Make it an event. Oh, most mothers celebrate big events, birthdays, proms, first boyfriends, etc, but some of my most memorable moments with my daughters were none of these. You see, the seemingly mundane events are to be cherished just as much or even more.
Some memorable moments with my daughters
I have loads of pictures, from our 35mm camera, but I don't know how to import them to the computer at this time, but when I do I'll insert them in this hub. I digress.
Could Jaycee have been a spelling bee champ? I remember one of my then 11 year old daughters, I'll leave names out at this point, won the spelling bee championship for her school. The moment I heard about it, I ran out, had a banner made, and had a family party ready when she arrived home from school. I say I heard, because I could not go to the finals, because I was too nervous to go, I sent my husband. I had been with her all the way up to that point, and almost gave us both heart attacks. You see Jaycee's mother will never know that moment, so that's why I say my heart aches when I think of it.
I got to see one of my daughters, who's now in the medical profession, begin that career in high school. I would take time to visit her, and sometimes "do lunch," with her, where ever she was volunteering during her training..........in hospitals, doctor's offices, etc. Those are some cherished moments, that I can clearly recall. Could Jaycee have been a nurse or even a doctor? My heart aches for them, you see her mother will never have the pleasure of such moments.
When my daughters graduated from junior high school to high school, I even remember what each of them wore, without looking at the photos. Thinking of the Dugard women, my heart aches, for they can never say that. I feel Mrs. Dugard would have gone shopping with Jaycee and picked out that special dress, and both would have celebrated, when they found it.
Oh, how many times did I have to go to school because my daughter talked too much, as my mother had done with me in years past, for the same thing. How many times did I attend school assemblies, even if they only were just clapping their hands, or singing some silly song, in a silly costume on stage, it didn't matter, I was there. As, I feel, Jaycee's mother would have been. You see why my heart aches for them.
I was booster club mother for both of my daughters...............memorable moments. I was room mother, I went on field trips,( I was self employed at the time, so I made my own schedule). I could go on and on. I feel Jaycee's mother would have done these things with her, now that time has passed. My heart aches for those times that they'll never know. If I took time to pen all of the uneventful moments we made eventful, it would be a very long book, boring to some, but nevertheless, a book of our special moments. This is not to massage my ego, or to build myself up in the eyes of others, no, I'm simply, reminiscing and sharing my feelings, of the moment, on the much discussed subject, of Jaycee Dugard, and her years away from her family.
As usual, I'd like to offer my unsolicited advice to all mothers of daughters of any age, but in light of what happened to the Dugard women, my advice is especially targeted to the mothers of daughters beginning around 11 years old. To begin with, 11 is the typical age of a sixth grader, and in most school systems, the transitioning from elementary school to junior school.
There are so many opportunities to make memories of seemingly uneventful events. For instance, there's that dress that you two can purchase for the graduation. Also, those school assemblies, where she might have a small part, or just want you there. Being that this is the beginning of the transitioning period in her life, share some of your experiences, anticipate questions, by remembering what you felt like, or some of the things you did, or would like to have done, with your mother. Talk, share, do whatever...........make memories. Try to think what Jaycee's mother would have done, with Jaycee, had she had the chance. Try to appreciate the unique opportunity that is afforded you at this time, and don't pass it up, in search of what some refer to as "my own thing." (I'm just saying). Your time will come again, to, "be your own person," so don't blow this once in a lifetime opportunity to be a memorable mother to your daughters. Read everything you can, when Jaycee and family break their silence, and see if they don't, echo some of these very same thoughts.
So, make memories, make memories, make memories, and not to sound dark, but this could be the only thing you, or your daughter will have to hold on to, in the event of a similar situation.
Something to ponder: How many Jaycee's are out there at this writing, or will be in the future. (I'm just saying)?
© 2009 Alfreta Sailor