Laughter from Children
Kids do say and do the darnedest things. I was an aunt at age 4 and after we got past the rivalry stage and other nieces and nephews appeared, I began to appreciate the mouth of a small child. Today, have a laugh at what a child can say or do and stop an adult cold.
#1 – A six year old child answers the phone. A girl is on the other end asking for her twenty-something brother. The child assumes it is “Amy” and yells into the kitchen that “Amy is on the line. Her brother knocks a chair over trying to get her to be quiet since it is NOT “Amy” on the other end. How was I supposed to know he was dating more than one at a time?
#2 – We were taking a walk when I said something that wasn’t that memorable obviously. But my mother thought it was funny at the time. She said, “You’re full of bologna”. I looked at her seriously and said, “But I didn’t have any bologna today.” She laughed and said, “You’re a character.” I ended the conversation with “I haven’t eaten any carrots, either.”
#3 – My brother is the sole reason my mother has grey hair. He has gone through his nine lives and those of many other people. But hearing the tales of his childhood is always fun. My mother tells of a time that wasn’t so funny to her in which he ran down the stairs crying uncontrollably. She calmed him down. He managed to say that Henrietta was missing. Who was Henrietta? The white mouse he had snuck into the house a few weeks back as a pet. Now she was missing and would be alone to have her babies. For 30 years my mother swore she saw white mice running through the house.
#4 – I was about 19 years old and was home visiting from college. My brother was also there with his small son – about 4 or 5 years old. We had stopped at a hospital for my father and brother to visit someone. I had a headache and laid down in the backseat and my mother began rubbing my forehead. The little rascal was in the front seat playing with some toys, but very abruptly leaned over the seat and looked his grandmother square in the eye and said, “What is sex?” Silence fell across the whole county. I looked up at her and said, “Yes, what is it?” I couldn’t wait to hear this one. She stammered and then proceeded to explain that it meant if you are a girl or boy (the gender definition). I laughed and commented softly that she better be thankful that there was more than one definition. She could have strangled me at that moment.
#5 – The same young boy a few months later decided that he had to make an announcement to his mother. He walked right up to and said that he knew what sex was. She stopped cold and decided to find out what his idea of it was before saying anything further. “It is when a woman takes all her clothes off.” My sister-in-law about had a heart attack at this point. “A man takes off his shirt. They lay down together and they watch TV.” She asked him how he came about this answer. The other nephew a few months older had told him in secret last week. She patted him on the head and said to keep thinking that way for a while.
#6 – I announced that I was getting married. My nephew was about 6 at the time and began to cry. When we calmed him down, he was upset because he was supposed to be my feller. I assured him that he was always going to be my feller. He stopped crying and hugged my fiancé. (Now, I had to verify that I was still his gal when he put the ring on a young lady. I was reassured, too. More like I was depressed that he was old enough to consider marriage.)
#7 – I had children of my own and really began to experience the fun of kids. My oldest daughter was about 5 years old when she was upset about a cousin not dating someone who she adored. We tried to explain to her that people sometimes date many different people before finding the one they stay with. I used the example of the many girls her father had dated before me. She looked at him funny and said, “Why did you date so many?” My husband is a hopeless cutup and had to say, “Because I was a chick magnet.” As only a child can do, she wrinkled her forehead and said, “You were a chicken maggot.” There went any sense of ego that he had.
#8 – We were driving out to an aunt’s house that we had been to many, many times. In fact I could probably get there with my eyes closed. But I had not realized that my children had not driven out there with me when their father was not driving. My son began to ask some questions that made me ask what was wrong. He didn’t believe that I knew the way and that we were going to get lost, run out of gas, and no one would ever find us. I listened to that for 15 miles until we pulled up to his aunt’s house and he announced, “Hey, you really do know how to drive!”
#9 – My daughter was having trouble pronouncing some words as all young children do when they are growing up. My mother was visiting and decided to help me out. When she left for home, I realized some damage control was needed. My eldest couldn’t pronounce “fox”. So my mother was emphasizing the sounds. You can imagine the word that really came out during Sunday School that next Sunday.
#10 – We decided to take a walk as a family and to bring the dog with us. He was a very large golden retriever that seemed to forever be a pup. I was going to take this opportunity to teach him commands. The family went on ahead as I was teaching him to heal. My son stopped to see what I was doing. He asked his father what was going on and when told he replied, “So, how’s it working out for you?” Such little faith in his mother.
#11 – When my eldest child was little, her father had her saying with a cute little dance, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy” to the music of the “Conga Line”. Well, we always talk about it and how cute it was. We were driving down the road and were passing a logging area. My youngest proceeded to say, “Lumber, Lumber, Lumber.” Where that came from, we don’t know!
#12 – The Teletubbies. My oldest child was so adorable when she was just two years old. When the show The Teletubbies would come on, she would imitate everything they did. So when they would run off the screen, she would run out of the room. A few minutes later, she would peek her head around the corner to see if they were back.
#13 – The first snow of the year is so much fun. Especially with a toddler in the mix. My daughter woke up and saw the first snow of the year. She ran into her room and came out in her diaper…….. winter hat, one glove, and her boots. She was ready to go out.
#14 – My father passed away when my children were 6, 4, and 5 months. When I told my children the news, my eldest said something that I will always remember. She put her arms around me, and said, “At least he won’t have any more runny noses.” I keep those words against my heart all the time.
#15 – I had problems with my first child always sticking her tongue out. I couldn’t understand why because she wasn’t in daycare. So where was she picking it up. I began to tap her mouth and reprimanding her. One day I caught her great-grandfather (trouble maker he was) encouraging her to do it. He was the secret instructor. I admonished him and said that if I caught him again I was going to smack his mouth, too. Within minutes he was at it again. I popped his mouth. He laughed so hard. My child’s mouth dropped wide open that I would smack the grandfather. She never did it again.
#16 – We were driving down the road, when my son asked the ultimate question, “Where did God come from?” I was not expecting a 4 year old to ask me this so I was not prepared. How do I answer this where a small child could understand it? I tried a few phrases and it just wasn’t right. But the youngster came to the rescue. “Never mind, Mom. I figured it out. He just is.” Thank goodness for creative minds.
#17 – We were at the dinner table talking about a movie we had seen. Out of the clear blue my son looked up and said, “I like pigs.” And then went back to eating. The movie had not one pig in it. We still don’t know where that came from.
#18 - I was researching for an article on the subject of handwriting. My eyebrows lifted at one of the search results called, "Sex, Lies, and Handwriting." I have to admit that I was curious. I clicked on it and began reading an article on how you can tell if someone is lying through their handwriting. While I was reading, I mentioned the attention getting name to a friend of mine who was there. My eleven year old son looked at me and with a serious look said, "So, which one caught your eye and are you reading about?" We almost wet ourselves laughing at this. He was so serious.
Kids bring humor into your life and makes you rethink a lot of how we live it. Listen to a child today. You might learn a lot.
Take a moment and add your own funny experience with a child.