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How to cope with children growing up-letting go

Updated on September 1, 2012

Watching my children grow

As parents we want only the best for our children. From the time they are born until they start developing their own personalities, sometimes it gets hard in letting them grow up. For me, I have found myself trying to hang on to my son as long as possible in terms of letting him have his space and going out and being around his friends. Wow, did I get a wake up call or what? My son has reminded me on several occasions that I was holding on too tight because I had this fear of something happening to him. He was right I must say and I had a hard time admitting that to myself. I have learned that sometimes we can hold on to what we love so much that we can drive them away. I really do not mean for that to happen. I guess I'm just so overprotective of him.

Now that my son is grown, it's my daughter's turn. I tell you, just watching her grow up is like seeing a flower blooming in the springtime. I can remember when she used to watch her favorite cartoons and I could hear her laughter and that brought so much joy to my heart. Now that she's in high school, I cannot say how much fun I'm having with her. As I listen to her tell stories about her classes and classmates, she has me laughing so hard that my stomach sometimes hurt. But there are times when we have serious discussions about various topics and she's somewhat reluctant to hear certain things. I have to remind her that she will have to face these things, whether she's ready to or not. Right now, my daughter is into having the latest fashions. She likes all the name brand clothing and shoes; she's also into fixing up her hair into different styles. My daughter is also very good in school, her grades are wonderful. But I sometimes constantly remind her that she needs to stay on top of her work. She thinks I'm being a bit too pushy. But what is a parent supposed to do?

My feeling is that if we as parents don't show our teenagers the right way to go, then who else will do it for us? I try to be straight forward and honest with my children as much as possible. Hopefully, based on what I have told them, they will be able to make informed decisions when it comes to certain situations that may arise for them. Our teenagers today face so many challenges; there's the peer pressure, teen sexuality, drugs, drinking, smoking. When I was growing up, I faced those very same issues. But today, these issues are so "in your face" and advertised everywhere in the media. But I believe that we can help our teens deal with these issues by constantly talking with them. They may not like what you have to say, but later on they will appreciate your efforts in trying to help them along the way. Yes, they will make mistakes and we have to let them learn from them. As a parent, I need to step back and let my teenage daughter continue to grow into the person she is to become; my daughter knows that I will always be there for her. My son also knows that his mom will be around to help him to get through whatever problems he might encounter. That is what parents do.

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      Bolanle 2 years ago

      I am going through the same phase now.My twelve year old son is beginning to resist and challenge everything.My husband doesn't want to hear it but I'm trying to pray through it.I get really scared sometimes as I know he will be going through peer pressure now.What advise can you give please in dealing with this stage?

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      nina64 5 years ago from chicago, Illinois

      Mekenzie, watching my daughter grow up is quite amazing. It seems as if she goes from one phase into another. We are close; but I do believe in giving her space but not too much. I sometimes feel like she is slowly slipping away from me because she wants to be with her friends. I understand her wanting to be with her friends, but there is so much peer pressure out there. Hopefully, the values that I have instilled within her will influence her to make the right choices for her own life. I do thank you for reading and commenting on my hub. Blessings to you and your family.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 5 years ago from Michigan

      nina, I can so relate to what you write here. I had a horrible time letting go of my teenage son as I watched him spiral out of control. I wrote a hub about that process and what God taught me through it.

      When our kids get to be teens the coaching days are pretty much over. We pray that they will apply the foundational truths we have taught them as they grew up.

      As you noted communication is key ... and listening to them without reacting negatively is imperative. If you can keep your connection during the hard time .. it will still be there when they come back.

      God Bless you are you strive to be what your children need during these years. Put on your seat belt ... it's quite a ride of faith and trust in God.