Pedophiles - Secret Lives and Lies-part one
The Innocent Child
Hidden In Plain Sight
Pedophiles and child molesters are hiding among us in plain sight. You might think this is an exaggeration, you may even think you would be able to know one if you met one. The telling of my experience might change your mind about that.
My ex husband was, and probably still is a very likable man with a great personality and sense of humor. He had lots of friends when we were together and some still chose to be his friend to this day. He once was a member of the Lions Club here in Australia and had a steady job. I was his second marriage and when we met, his two girls were young teenagers. He told me he did not see them any more because they lived too far away, his ex wife had re married and had issues with him complicating her and their children's life. He said he missed them terribly but felt he would make contact with them when they were older. I did think this was a little odd but didn't press him about it as he seemed distressed by any conversations regarding his children. We married and have one daughter together and she became daddy's little girl. I felt happy that at least he was able to see one of his children grow up. I believed we would be together forever. He was the love of my life.
My daughter was a very unsettled baby and didn't sleep well in general, even as she became older it was not unusual to to get up in the middle of the night and trip over her sleeping beside me on the floor. She told me she was scared and having bad dreams and after finding her there on many occasions, I left her there and thought she would eventually grow out of it. Apart from that she seemed to be a happy, well adjusted kid.
She was generally spoiled by her dad and would get surprise gifts given to her but he was more critical of her general behavior and did not offer compliments easily.
When she was twelve years of age she and I were alone and watching television, she turned to me and said, out of the blue, "Mummy I have something to tell you...but you won't believe me"
I don't remember much else because what she said next sent chills through me.
My daughter cried silent tears as she recounted her tale of being visited at nighttime by her father who would touch her indecently and in turn demand to be touched. I asked her how long it had been happening and she said "for as long as she could remember". On later questioning her I discovered his visits had started from when she was about three after she told of a particular camping trip where they had gone looking for firewood. This was one of the first occasions.
Who was this man I had married? Was I that bad a judge of character? And I suppose you would like to know why I did not for one minute disbelieve my daughter?
Well, the answer might amaze or even shock you.
I had received a phone call from his ex-wife not long after we started going out. She told me he had been to jail for molesting their two girls, but when I confronted him with this news he said, quite calmly, that he expected this sort of thing from his ex as she secretly wanted him back and that it was an absolute lie.
I believed him, I trusted him, I loved him. It was, in hindsight, much easier to believe him than his ex who was known to be a little vindictive. I certainly could not believe that a man like him could be capable of doing these evil things to young children.
And so as my daughter was telling me what he had done to her, I remembered the phone call and knew in my heart that his ex wife's warning was indeed true.
Beast of Burden
My daughter felt so much relief from telling me that she stopped talking about it altogether and would not allow me to tell anyone. This may have been because she felt ashamed, and although she denied feeling ashamed or embarrassed the silence continued. I saw the wall go up and I feared that one day it would be knocked down and she would be forced to confront the issue.
Before she went silent, which was to last about eight years, I asked her why she had decided to risk so much in telling me. She told me he had threatened that if she told anyone their secret she would not be believed and would be taken from both of us and never see us again, whereas if she kept their secret and allowed him to play his games she would be given gifts. She told me that often she could not sleep because she worried he would come to her bed anytime and had taken to sleeping beside me until he made her go back to her bed. Thankfully most of the time I insisted on letting her stay.
So she had a lot to lose in risking telling me but she had reached a point within her relationship with her father where he expected her to go to the next level. He had shown her pornographic video and dirty magazines in order to explain what was now expected of her. She became very scared. Scared enough to risk everything.
I thank God she found the courage to tell me and I thank God I had the courage to listen and the sense to believe.
But she swore she would never tell another living soul. And said she felt safe now that I knew and quite bravely said that she just wanted to forget it had happened and get on with her life. I on the other hand felt the burden of knowing what he had done and helpless to do anything about it let alone stop it from happening to anyone else.
Fight or Flight
I knew we had to leave but knew it would not be easy. I knew from past disagreements with him in which he always won his way, that if I confronted him with what I knew, he would talk us into staying. He had such a way about him that is difficult for me to explain. He had charisma and charm and I was weak. I now understand how he probably targeted me, a shy young girl of sixteen living with my single mum. He managed to charm not only me but my mother as well, she told me many times how much she liked him and that I should marry him. I was very nervy and lacked self confidence and he was my first boyfriend where other girls my age had been dating for a while. I was not world wise and did not know what pedophilia was. This was the man I thought I would live forever with.
A part of me however still loved him despite what he had done and I knew that I could be disgusted with him and hate him but the minute he walked in the door I would weaken, listen to his lies and want to believe that he would stop. So we fled interstate to be with my family, after having left a letter for him explaining what I knew and telling him under no circumstances was he to contact us.
PART TWO IS NOW PUBLISHED