I learned a lot from my parents and siblings at a young age. I learned I am the middle child, the one with the middle child syndrome. The black sheep of the family, the mad as a rabbit. The failure, disappointing. I have been labeled. How can they, the family, expect anything less than just that of me. They pray for me at night to walk the straight line, to find what I am looking for, to be at peace and happy. I wish they pray for forgiveness, forgiveness for judging and labeling me. "Dear Lord we pray that you forgive us as parents that we are judging our daughter."
Mind floss, I want to just sit with every emotion that arises and embrace them all.
Anger- yes I was angry, angry with my mother, that was many moons ago. I have realized and accepted that a parent only do what they think is right for their child at that moment in time. I have packed the anger in a box, locked it up and chucked the key.
Grief- yes I felt grief, I grieved for not feeling loved, I grieved for not feeling good enough, I grieved when gran died, I grieved when I had to marry, I grieved when I divorced, I grieved when my child died. I grieved when my best friend committed suicide. I learned to make peace with the way my life is. I am trying to reconnect with my whole center.
Hatred- I don't feel hate, I show more love and forgiveness towards others. I am struggling to show more love and forgiveness to myself. Maybe that is why I am mad as a rabbit.
Shame-Yes, yes and yes, I don't want to explore this one yet.
Blame- I believe that I am responsible for my own actions, doings. Baby brother thought me "every one for themselves". I don't blame anyone for the choices I make in my life.
I have learned a lot, have come so far. Any single emotion provide different lessons. I am letting the judgements rise and fall. The reality is that I have discovered that judgement is necessary for my own growth as a spiritual being.