Pa, the Foundation on Which Ma Build a Home
A home made
It takes compromise and patience, on top of love, to make a relationship work. Though I've not been in a successful relationship, I have observed this in many of the relationships I consider to be working just fine. I highly doubt any good and lasting relationship has gotten to the point it is without much input from either party. Looking at my parents, who have been together for well over 30 years now, it became evident that they each had a particular role that made it possible for them to actually not only build each other up, but also build a home. This, from my point of view, has also been made possible by their respective personalities and overall perspective on life.
Ma has always been strong-willed, creative and very optimistic. Pa, on the other hand, has always seemed to find a way no matter the situation. This was particularly evident when my brother and I were younger and my parents were struggling financially. The humor between them, which I now truly appreciate, has always added so much to their relationship with each other, something that their friends have noted from time to time.
Back to individual roles in a relationship, it seemed to me that with everything Pa brought, Ma used her creativity to gradually build a home around us. Therefore, while Pa supplied, Ma developed. This, however, is not to say that there were no discussions and compromise on the way forward. It was interesting to see them argue about something, and later reach an agreement, even though Pa obviously had to give in most of the time :)
Financial stability is important in any home and definitely makes life easier. This, however, is not the only thing Pa strived for. Seeing him bring simple things like a pair of socks or a sweater for Ma from work and making her smile are some of my greatest memories of them. Despite walking for a long distance to and from work, he never forgot to make sure she was happy. It is such moments that made their struggles easier to deal with. On her part, Ma always made home feel like home. Despite having a small business, she was always there when my brother and I came from school, fixed us little snacks, assigned us small tasks and many other little things that made each day special.
Looking back now, it is interesting to see how love flowed down from them to us. What is more interesting for me, however, is how well Ma used everything that Pa brought to build a home. The love, care, and support that Pa always showed were in turn used to build a strong foundation for a relationship that has lasted for over 30 years. These seemed to be the components that Ma needed to take care of everyone in the family. While there were disagreements and some arguments, it is my opinion that the components on which their relationship was founded made it possible for them to make it through most issues.
For some of my friends, I have seen similar traits and can't help but appreciate how well they are doing in their own relationships. It's always great to see two people love, care and support each other in almost everything they do. While love may bring two people together, it seems, at least to me, that it takes cultivating this love by showing care and support to actually make the relationship work. The foundation, therefore, must continually be strengthened if two people who love each other are to make it work in the long run.
Whatever ones' role in a relationship, supporting each other has to be the most important role each member can play in a relationship. Leaving one member to do all the heavy lifting might eventually lead them to feel like their efforts are not appreciated/valued or needed. The last thing one wants is for someone they love to go out and find support (that they should have provided) from some other person. But then again, I have not been in a relationship that actually worked and all this is what I have observed in the relationship of others :)
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Patrick