Momedy: How I Met My New Neighbor by Mooning Her!
Life as mom should really come with its own laugh track. Because if you aren’t laughing at yourself as a mom, you are surely going to be crying! And crying, that only works for babies and toddlers - not grown women!
The other day I came home from work after picking up Little Bear (2 yrs old) from day care. I’m sure other moms can relate that coming home from work with kids inevitably means unloading both your stuff and their stuff from the car. And now matter how long or short the walk from the car to the door is, at some point you wonder, where in the world did all this STUFF come from? If you are "lucky" enough to have a younger child then you are either carrying them or attempting some sort of circus-type cattle maneuver towards the door while juggling all this stuff and the car the keys and closing the doors. Oh, right… after releasing the crying / squealing / shrieking (IS there a difference) child from the very much required child safety seat. Mind you, these skills must all be accomplished near simeoltaneously within the span of 90 seconds or less. Why? Because that is the length of time you have before A) your child can run their amazingly fast chubby legs into the street OR B) your muscles will give out and you will drop everything, precious child included (if you don't yet have a running age child). With Little Bear being my second child, my side-show circus tricks rival those of the most distinguished moms (Michele Duggar notwithstanding, she is a whole different level). I beat even my own record that day, getting a rambunctious child, his day-care bag, half-eaten bag of snacks, sippy cup of water, my coffee cup and lunch bag AND a sack of groceries inside the house in well under a minute… in a gorgeous dress and new platform heels. BONUS! Now would be a good time to mention I have recently lost 12lbs and DANG, I looked good!!
Well, I noticed that the house next to us was finally being occupied. It is a rental and we were very sad when the previous tenants left. We loved them! They were a young couple with a new baby and the wife was originally from another country. Since my husband also hails from another country, we could completely relate with the entertaining cross-cultural dynamics and they were so nice and funny. They were awesome, simply awesome! Alas, they moved and the house has been empty and we have been sad and praying the new neighbors would be normal and not crazy. There have been not one but two sets of neighbors in a rental three houses down that left in the middle of the night. Weird, right? What a relief to see a woman about my own age moving some boxes into the house. Finally! Someone is moving in!! I no sooner get in the door and set down the various items I am precariously balancing, when Little Bear decides he is really excited to meet the new neighbor too! Except I don’t know this plan. And since he has a tendency to attempt a mad sprint anywhere he can once the fresh air hits his face and the street is just off our short driveway, his dash out the door scares the freckles off me! With my ninja-like mama reflexes I am out the door after my renegade runner! Entirely UN-like a ninja, I completely forget I am wearing my fabulous new platform heels and dress and slip on the grass which is still quite wet from the day’s earlier rain.
With my devil-grinning, infectious-giggling toddler attempting to get into the house just as the new neighbor is exiting and myself - dress up in the air, bum exposed and my feet attempting some sort of curious half side-laying split, I look up to check my toddler is safe, brush my hair out my face with my slightly muddy hand, then wave and say “Hi!” as brightly as I can manage. There is no graceful way to get yourself up from that position, especially with a giggly 2-year old and stunned neighbor staring at you but I did the best I could after tossing the bottom of my dress over the “moon” I had just given her. Then I proceeded to limp over to her porch and introduce myself, saying it wasn’t quite the way I had planned to say hello and I think I apologized about ten times both for the display and my boy's attempt at breaking and entering her new home. I finally did secure my little monster-child and walk him back inside our house. I am sure our new neighbor isn’t likely to forget meeting me and for all that I was worried about having “crazy neighbors” looks like the crazy neighbor is ME! And I am sure my devious toddler is plotting his next adventure as I type! Ah, to be a mom!