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Mommy's Lessons Learned - Mommy Guilt
It is amazing to me how prior to motherhood so many aspects of my life seemed so effortless. Decision making was so much easier and no matter what choice was made it was never covered with guilt, never questioned and worried over constantly. But it seems a whole new world is uncovered the minute that little infant is placed in your hands taking over life as you once knew it, never to be the same again.
Firstly, I would never in a million years change my status as a mother. I truly believe it is one of Gods greatest gifts and callings. To be trusted to mold a life and make a contribution to society is a blessing and a privilege. But with that privilege as the saying goes “comes GREAT responsibility”. As Sofia Loren so eloquently once put it, “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” Each day begins and ends with the question….did I do everything I could possibly do to teach and guide my children?
Every mother battles with Mommy guilt. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself countless times. Should I work? If I do then how much of their lives am I missing? Should I stay home? If I do then what happens when they are grown and leave the nest? Are all their needs taken care of? Am I passing along the values of love, family, friendship, compassion, respect, commitment, responsibility and independence?
At times I question if I’m even qualified, I’ve made many painful, personal mistakes along the way….how could I possibly consider myself a good example? Even with them thriving through a divorce and remarriage I carry guilt, thinking I was wrong for looking for my own happiness…maybe I should have put myself on the back burner…waited for them to be grown and then thought of myself. Then giving it greater thought, I realize that more harm would have come from seeing their mother live a lie for the sake of appearances and I’ve come to understand…in my imperfectness lies the greatest lesson I could ever pass on to my kids…..no one is perfect, people make mistakes but through those mistakes we grow and become better people and through it all the heart NEVER loses the capacity to heal, move on and be filled with love once again.
Motherhood/Parenthood is such a difficult yet equally rewarding experience. The proudest moments and sweetest memories of my life have always been accentuated by my children. I look forward to their lives unfolding into the greatness I feel they will achieve for they’ve been blessed with many opportunities in their young lives. As far as I’m concerned, I have to literally remind myself to not be so critical of everything I do and the choices I have made, for every step I’ve taken has always been driven with my children's happiness and well being in mind.
In the end it seems that’s all we can do, start and end each day with full awareness of the love we have for our children, show them that unconditional love coupled with lessons in patience, understanding, faith, humor, compassion and forgiveness. Then, exhale….let go and enjoy every moment you share for it passes in a flash.