A Mothers Grief - The loss of her Child - Includes Original Poem
Mother's Day Grief
On Mother's Day, I was fully engaged with my children and grandchildren. Suddenly, my thoughts went to Kelly.
What was she experiencing this Mothers Day? Kelly just lost her second baby due to a genetic glitch. I could not wrap my head around this horrific loss and incomprehensible grief.
This was supposed to be Kelly's first Mothers Day with baby Elijah, but instead, it was a tormenting memorial to another unthinkable and tragic loss.
Before I tell you about baby Elijah's short little life, let me take you back to Kelly's first full term pregnancy which ended with just a few precious moments with her angel baby.
When Kelly became pregnant with Aurora, her heart swelled with anticipation of the day she would swaddle her infant girl in her arms and revel in the joy of being her Mother.
The pregnancy was going well just like any regular pregnancy.
As the weeks passed her heart was bursting with excitement and anticipation.
But when this exuberant Mother visited her Doctor, for her twelve-week checkup, she was not prepared for what he had to say.
As sad eyes greeted Kelly that day she felt her insides turn, her knees grow weak and the blood drain from her face.
Kelly noted her physician's drooping shoulder's and his hesitancy. He rubbed his head before speaking.
Kelly tried to hear what her Doctor was telling her but inside she was screaming "NO, NO, NO, this cannot be true!"
The doctor explained there was a genetic glitch. Kelly's head was spinning, she was suffocating in confusion. The baby was alive but did not have kidneys. He explained her pregnancy would most likely terminate before the baby was born.
Kelly's head was reeling, and she felt like her heart split into a thousand pieces. How could she face this unbelievable prognosis? The weeks dragged by, and the world seemed to stop for Kelly.
At her fifteen week checkup the Physician told Kelly that there was a very slight chance her baby girl might live through the birth; but if she did make it, her precious Aurora would die soon after.
He gave Kelly a choice; to abort her baby girl and avoid the pain of waiting, or she could continue the pregnancy to term.
This baby wouldn't live so why not spare herself the pain? ... but this was not an option for Kelly;
You see, she already loved her child within, and she resolved to go bravely through the rest of her pregnancy, just for the chance to hold her and study her tiny face.
Aurora Skye lived about an hour after her birth and before she took her last breath. Her mommy clung to her and hungrily studied each delicate feature and beautiful curve of her tiny face. It was a time of loss, anguish, grief and mourning like none she had ever known.
A memorial for little Aurora took place. I remember the fight I had within my heart; I did not want to face the pain of this brutal reality. I could not imagine how Kelly and Seth could get through it. As I walked into the greeting room, I lost all control.
My eyes fixed on an eloquent and stately bouquet of White Cali Lilly's; I knew they were Kelly's favorite flower, she carried them on her wedding day. On a white wooden display were tiny reminders of a little life no longer among us.
There was a delicate little infant dress, pastel stuffed toys, who seemed to subtly hide the pain behind their jolly faces. There were angel figurines prominently set amongst the items as a memorial to Aurora Skye. All of these mementos, they were supposed to be Aurora's! The tragedy was too great to bear.
Beautiful tributes took place during the service; one of the tributes was written by Kelly and Seth. I was amazed as I watched Seth stand before us and read it himself. This beautiful tribute held amazing, expressive and creative writing.
The love and devotion those words conveyed pulled back the curtain of their hearts to reveal the raw, pain-wracked grief of these precious parents. The memorial Seth read painted a vivid word picture with skill and great artistry.
Loosing Elijah Praise
Later Kelly would, tragically, face another loss. It was the loss of her second child, an adorable baby boy, who had also acquired the genetic anomaly.
Through special treatments, Elijah was born with a hope of life. The hope of his future lay in awaiting new kidneys but in a tragic scheme of events, Elijah died before that hope was fulfilled.
Imagine the nurturing, loving and bonding that took place over those months. Picture the process of getting to know every line of your baby's face and laboring to memorize every cherished expression.
Envision Kelly and Seth treasuring and celebrating each and every milestone their baby boy reached with each passing month.
As they grew closer together as a family, the niggling fear of losing Elijah Praise haunted any joyful moment they tried to capture.
They drank in his hugs, smiles, and sounds as they breathed in the unique scent of their baby boy there was no one like their own Elijah Praise.
As the time drew near for Elijah's hope of kidneys, an illness turned to tragedy. Elijah got sick and developed a temperature. In their effort to get him to the hospital, they rushed their little boy out the door but on the way to the car, Elijah made his way from Earth to Heaven. Though Seth worked desperately to bring him back, It was too late.
Kelly and Seth felt blindsided and crushed. They lost their precious Aurora, and now Elijah was gone too. The two grieved like most cannot come close to comprehending.
The Church for Elijah's funeral filled with many caring people who stood beside this family and prayed with them on their inconceivable journey.
A video (Actual Video Posted Below) starring their baby boy, Elijah Praise, brought his little life right into the room, as big as life and in living color. People were weeping all around me as we watched poignant moments in this brave little boy's life.
The video was filled with precious moments spent as a family. At one point, in the video, we watched as the faces of mommy and Elijah Praise covered the screen. We listened to Kelly singing to her baby boy, her one, and only child. The gut-wrenching emotions and pain coursing through the room were palpable. We were all witness to so much love and intimacy between the three they called family.
Throughout the video were songs. They ripped open the vulnerable parts of my heart; the tears were gushed as I sought to control the sobs. We mourned and grieved the loss of Elijah Praise and his short-lived life. The funeral service was a shake-up of what we call reality.
In the dark days that followed, grief over the loss of their baby girl and baby boy consumed Kelly and Seth.
Faith to Believe
As the days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Kelly had hard decisions to make. Should she try again and risk her heart being ripped apart again. Or should she let go of her dream of being a Mother?
When most would have regressed into the fear of such torturous pain (understandably so) Kelly went forward in Faith believing she could birth a healthy child.
Amazingly Kelly's desire to be a Mother came to be. Today Kelly has a healthy little cherub boy and a healthy beautiful girl. I can't tell you how much I admire her for her courage and her refusal to give up on hope.
It is to Kelly I have written and dedicated this Mother's Day Poem of bereavement and loss.
Mother's Day Grief
Lord, a young woman, weeps on Mother's Day
In darkness, she sits numb and afraid
She longs for JOY from that empty room
Now it speaks only of death and the tomb
The distinct scents of her children persist
A constant reminder of a future missed
The passionate quest that once filled her breast
is buried with her children, in the tomb it rests.
Memories keep racing through her mind
Such awful agony like no other kind
The pain so raw she can hardly bare
Oh dear God it just doesn't seem fair
Her babies' so completed her life
but now her heart is filled with strife
Lord today she needs a touch
from the hand of the Father who cares so much
Her hope rests in Heaven
where her soul will find joy
As she finally embraces
her baby girl and baby boy
Susan Jill Ream
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© 2009 Susan Ream