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A Mother’s Day of Reflection
Three Mums With Their first Child
May 3rd Mothers’ Day My Reflections
I was going to write an article on Mothering Sunday its history how it got its name, when it is held and why. I looked around the web and see many have done this already so I have decided to do a much more personal approach.
Today in Spain is Mothers Day and today I was presented with a little hand made gift by one of the children in the church along with all the other females in the church. The giving of a small present or a flower is common in churches all over the world on the day they choose to honour Mothers in their countries. But this is not what I have chosen to write about.
As an English woman living in Spain with a daughter living in America I have three dates available to me on which to celebrate Mothers’ day. Today as usual on a Mothers’ day my thoughts begin to wander bringing up all sorts of emotions.
First I am aware that my daughter lives thousands of miles way with her husband and children and on a day like today when I see mothers and their children celebrating it makes me aware of what I am missing. I ache with longing to be near her and her family. My daughter is the baby being held by her great grandmother in the four generations photograph.
I know that I am fortunate because in this day and age I have email, Facebook, Skype, voicemail, and the telephone with which to keep in contact with my daughter and my son also hooks up the computer sometimes so that my daughter and I can see each other as we talk.
However, as good as all this is it is nothing like spending real time together doing ordinary mother daughter stuff. I saw my daughter in the flesh at Christmas but with the financial crises in full swing in Spain, I am not sure when we will be able to see one another again. So today on this special day there is a real longing in my heart for my daughter and the family.
Next my thoughts go to my mum who died just over fourteen years ago and the older I get the more I have grown to appreciate what a wonderful woman my mum was.
When I was a young mum I was sure I was going to do a better job than my mum in bringing up my two children, I had a not so little list of things that I wouldn’t do and mistakes I would not make based on my opinions of where my mum had come up short and where she had made mistakes.
When I look back at those times I by am embarrassed by some of the judgments that I had made about my mum. I had no idea of the hardships she had to overcome, the sacrifices she had to make to give us the childhood that we enjoyed. I am ashamed at how much I took for granted as normal the things her sacrifices bought us, and as a child never thought to thank her for them.
What I wouldn’t give to sit down and have a cuppa tea with my mum and tell her how much I appreciate the all the things that she did for me and my brother as we were growing up.
I was fortunate that a few years before my mum died our relationship grew much closer and I actually got around to telling her how much I loved her but oh there are so many things that I never got around to saying.
Those of you who are still blessed enough to have your mum still around please do leave these things unsaid, tell her how much you appreciate her and how much you value what she has done for you and gave up for you.
I cannot believe how selfish and self-centered I was and I regret the time I wasted judging so many things that I knew little about. The young can be so arrogant I thought I knew it all, I am so sorry mum for all the hurtful things I have said and done, I would be proud if I could be half the woman you were mum.
Finally my thoughts go to my Birth Mother and wonder if she is still alive and does she ever think of me? It is on my birthday and on Mothering Sunday that my thoughts turn to my birth mother and I think of how hard her life was.
She was just twelve and a half when she gave birth to me, her father and mine being the same so I guess we are also half sisters and my dad is also my granddad. According to my mum my birth dad was put into prison for incest which obviously came to light when I was born.
I cannot begin to imagine the horrors that my birth mother had to endure at the hands of her father. I would love to be able to let her know how I turned out and about the two wonderful grandchildren that she has. This would not take away from the horror of the things that were done to her but at least there is something good that has come out of it.
I never spoke much to my mum about my birth mum, in fact I didn’t learn what I have just told you until I was around thirty years old and had two children of my own. We only spoke the once about it and I never brought it up again for fear of hurting my mum by wanting to contact or get to know more of my birth mum it seemed to me that it would have been seen as an ungrateful thing to do after all mum had done for me.
Mothers’ Day has passed once again and I realize how much I have had and I have. I had a mum and family that loved me and gave me a wonderful childhood sometimes at a sacrificial price.
Mum worked two jobs most of her life to make sure we got the best she could give us. Also I have been blessed by having a wonderful husband forty five years now and still going strong plus two of the greatest kids in the world.
I hope that you have enjoyed coming on my Mothers’ day wanderings, thanks for staying with me to the end.