Why did I decide to do this?
So you're probably thinking, "why is she so nervous about taking care of her own two children"? I keep asking myself that very same question. Both of our boys are kind of needy. Evan is still a baby but he's very much a mama's boy. He loves to be cuddled and wants to go everywhere mommy goes. Sam is a stinker. When the baby is napping he will get out loud toys and say "this will wake him up". I'm not sure why exactly he wants to wake up a sleeping baby but nonetheless, he does. Sam is bold. He likes to get what he wants. I've read parenting books. I've read online articles. He is just plain high energy, all boy, and does not like to be told what to do. What toddler does, really?
Getting back to the question, why did I decide to do this? I guess I was feeling like sending Sam to daycare every day each week while staying home with Evan (on my days off) was kind of giving Sam the crap-end of the stick. We had originally wanted Sam in daycare to socialize with other children and to learn in an environment that was structured and school-like. Then he started having some issues with defiance, not allowing any children to nap during nap time because he didn't want to nap, himself. Long story short, we felt like daycare was not the greatest option for our Sam anymore. And so my work hours were cut, and the decision was made.
What is my plan?
I figured I'd better have a plan in place. We can't just give the kid an unstructured environment. And actually this will be really good for Evan, as well. A child like Sam really needs to know what to expect. It's just in his nature to become regimen-oriented as well as myself. Each week we will have a lesson. Starting with each letter of the alphabet, followed by numbers. We will color our letters and coordinate with items in the house that begin with that letter. Also we will do art projects according to season/holiday. I made sure I got a ton of art supplies that we would likely use! Now I just have to think about how I am going to get him to sit and pay attention and do the project. He's a busybody.
I guess where I get nervous is when Evan is napping. He has a hard time sleeping during the day if he isn't snuggled. I know it's my fault. I created the monster. But up until this point if I'm home I have no problem snuggling him for his naps. When they are longer naps I am actually able to catch up on some TV! I enjoy holding him but, with Sam coming into the mix I worry that he will start getting into trouble and try to push my buttons since he knows I cannot give him my full attention. Do I utilize that time as allowable "TV time"? Evan's long nap is usually during the time that Sam naps which would actually work. So many things on my mind!!! I just want to be a good mother to both kids. I wish I had kept Sam home sooner than now. But, with Evan being a new baby and had colic..I just needed some time to adjust.
Starting a new chapter
Despite my anxiety about having two little boys at home by myself, I have to say I am excited to begin my new chapter as stay at home mom of two. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to be a mom. It was my dream. Now I have two little boys who mean the world to me. But I feel as though my dream was missing one thing. Sure, it's wonderful to have two incomes. Sure, it's nice to go to work and talk to adults. Sure, sure, sure. But, are those things more important than being home with my children while they grow and learn new things? Nope. I want to be with them, even if it's hard. Because I adore them!!!!!!!!!!! And I am forever grateful to my husband for allowing me to do this with our children! And for not pushing me back into working full time. He is my knight!