- Family and Parenting
How to Find Mr Perfect
Has It Always Been Like This?
Is it just me or is there a growing trend of males who stay at home with their parents for way too long? I mean surely by the age of say.....35 they should be interested in being more independent. Well I would have thought so and until recently I believed that most males (and females) were naturally eager to leave the nest. Not so!! I have evidence and I am shocked and disappointed and it seems to me that mums are to blame. Yes I said mothers are to blame.
Some of these mothers, with perhaps good intentions at first, do everything for their boys. they make their bed every morning, pick up the clothes from the floor, wash these clothes and have them ironed and in the cupboard before the sun sets. They make all of their meals for them, even snacks. Basically, they spoil them rotten (they probably do the same for their partners as well). Sad sad sad, they might even get enormous amounts of pleasure from this even if it is all taken for granted. Fair enough I say (or used to) if this is what floats their boat then where is the harm?
Think About The Significant Women in Their Future
A friend of my daughter has had a handful of relationships in her 30 odd years and each of these significant others have come from varied upbringings. First there was her first serious relationship when she was sixteen. He came from a single parent upbringing with a violent dad having left when he was barely walking. Then came the slightly older boy when she was eighteen. He at least had a job (unlike other prospects) in fact they met at work. There followed a few others not worth mentioning until this recent boy/man. Lets call him Pete.
Pete is 23 and lives with his mum and dad and older brother (John) who is 29. John has no intention of moving out in the near future despite having been engaged twice. His fiancees got tired of waiting for the relationship to move forward and so moved on. Unfortunately younger Pete seems destined to follow his brother down the same road. And really who could blame them? Their lovely mother (and she is lovely...I have met her) does EVERYTHING for her boys. They just have no idea what is involved in providing their every need as mum takes care of it all. Her motive it would appear, is to keep them forever.
Recently John talked (i'm sure hypothetically) about moving in with some mates. Their mother had burst into tears on hearing this. And you know, I have thought about this situation and I do believe that I hope these boys never leave their comfy little home because I fear terribly for anyone unlucky enough to have to live with them. You may well laugh but how would you like having to pick up after someone like that and make all their meals, wash the dishes, clothes etc. I personally do not want that for my daughter.
Prepare Them For Their Future.....Please.
If you are reading this and you think you may be even a little bit guilty of having trouble cutting the ties. Please consider your boys future. You won't always be around to do everything for them, to protect them from life. You can break away gently, give them confidence, teach them skills to survive and get their father involved as well or a male role model. It has recently been discussed on radio and television that boys and men these days don't have the general skills taught to them. Things like being able to fix a dripping tap, repair a hole in the wall, change a tyre, these skills are being lost. What are the alternatives for these males? live on take out and pay to have all repairs done? hire a housekeeper? or simply find a female who is willing to do it all? Our future needs good solid men but the numbers I fear are dwindling.
Listen to the Lyrics- Mother
I chose this song because the lyrics by Pink Floyd are quite relevant. Please take a moment to listen if you are not familiar with the song. A boy is asking his mother if she thinks his girlfriend is good enough and will she tear "your little boy" apart and mother will she break my heart? And she replies that she will check out all of his girlfriends for him, she won't let anyone dirty get in and she will wait up until he gets home.
A clearly obsessive relationship with her son