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My Life of Survival Continued!

Updated on January 3, 2012

My life of survival continued

Throughout my life I've suffered nothing but trama, one right after another. Since I was very young, from my earliest memory. I still don't know the purpose as to why it was happining to me. My parents were very sick people. They must have been to have to do the things they did to me. I witnessed many horrible things done. My mother left me one night with the neighbor while she went out drinking and my father was drunk. At the time I didn't know it was the fact that my body was purchased for $ 200.00 to party with. He raped me all night long over and over. I was 7 years old;he was 16 yrs old. All I knew was it hurt and I didn't understand why he kept hurting me. When my mom came and got me she found me sitting in his lap. He had me mounted on top of him forcing it in and out. I was so tired, I was in so much pain. I was a bad girl. My mom grabbed me off, took me home, calling me a slut. After she got me home she and me dad beat me and put me to bed. I cried myself to sleep. I don't know how long I was asleep before my dad came in my room and my mom was passed out drunk.My father raped me and told me he was trying to show me what all the men in this world would do to me.It was my destiney.I was born only to pleasure men. All I knew was I didn't want it and it hurt. I lost me and didn't want to live any more; but for some reason I lived threw it. But if this in my life helps just one, then my life and the pain that I've endured hasn't gone to waste. I eventually learned to reach deep in my self to find the love I needed,but at the time I didn't know it was love that I was feeling. It just kept me alive. I knew that I hated myself and felt so low about myself ,at the same time loving myself,but not yet knoing it. Why does every one want to hurt me? Is every one like this? Is this normal? I constantly asked myself these and other questions. Would I ever find a friend? Does any one care?memories

I am cutting this short for now, because it is very painful to recall these memories.


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    • indanila profile image

      Inda Blackwell 6 years ago from Hampton Roads

      It is very painful to recall memories of abuse, I feel your pain and pray that you can heal, as I have and realize your self worth. We don't know why we go through these terrible things but I know they make us stronger. Be encouraged!!