- Family and Parenting
My Teenage Son
My sixteen year old son and I had a very good conversation today about sex, drugs and smoking. I have to say I have truly been blessed with good kids, even though I started out in this job as a teenage parent, it doesn’t get better than this.
This morning my son asks me to take him to his older sister’s house to get something he’d left there the day before. The times when we find ourselves alone together is when we have the best conversations. All parents should find the time to do that.
So here we are driving along and out of the blue he asks, “Mom, when you were in high school, did you ever once try or think about trying cigarettes or doing drugs” Hmm! I paused for a moment, Oh my, what a question. I could honestly say, No, to my son without any hesitation. I told him the truth as I always had and then explained why not. I told him that a lot of my friends made the choice to start smoking as early as Junior High, but I never did. I never thought it was cool, and I didn’t and still don’t like the way it makes you smell. I also explained to him that my mother would have knocked the living daylights out of me. So fear alone kept me from even trying. My son just smiled and said, “yea, I know”. He went on to explain that when he sees other kids smoking and he was curious to know what the big attraction was or is. Ok so we went on from there to talk about the effects of smoking on your body. He sings so talked about how it might affect his ability to that. The conversation continued for a while about that and then we started talking about sex.
You know how they say that boys are supposed to have that “talk” with there dads, well my son actually did, but that didn’t seem to good enough. So here we were my sixteen year old son and I and were having the “Mom and Son talk”. He said mom, I think about all those things, smoking, sex, girls, etc., and when I talked to dad about it, he said it was only natural. My son is now at that age where it’s natural for him to think about girls and the other stuff such as drugs and smoking is around him on a daily basis and those are battles and choices he is going to have to deal with on a daily basis.
I told him, his dad is right, it’s only natural but there is more to it. I explained to him that when it comes to him becoming sexually active, what I would want is for him his to practice abstinence, because of his age and his immaturity. Abstinence is the best way to ensure that he wouldn’t become a father prematurely or contract some disease that he might have to deal with the rest of his life. We also talked about the many sexually transmitted diseases that can be contracted. We talked about the fact that one moment can lead to a lifetime of sickness or even death. That sometimes one moment with a young girl or a young woman he never intended to see again will lead to a lifetime commitment to that person. So when you think about it, abstinence sounds like the best way.
However, I told my son that I am practical. I know I can’t watch him 24 hours a day and that he is going to make his own decisions, some of which I might not approve of. So if becoming sexually active is something he decides to do then he should be smart about it and educate and protect himself against the potential risks.
But you know I didn’t stop at that I explained to my son that a lot of young men use sex as a right of passage and that shouldn’t be. A lot of young men believe that some girls are there for their use. I told him that I didn’t want him to use another woman’s daughter as part of his experiment only to be discarded when he was through. I want him to be respectful of young women and that he should treat them the way he would want his sisters and nieces and the other women in his family to treated.
I explained to my son that under the right circumstances sex should be beautiful and fulfilling even if the first times he didn’t know what he was doing but because he waited and he’s with the right person, it becomes an amazing experience. You might say how do you know he was even listening? Well if you know my son you know he never sits silently unless he is truly listening. So we talked a bit more, then he said, “oh by the way mom, just so you know, I’m still a virgin. I just wanted to tell you what I was thinking.
I believe that moms and dads should be having that “talk” with their sons.