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My ten year old saw me having sex... What!?
Twice divorced. Double the pleasure.
Not that I am trying to catch up with Liz Taylor, I've been divorced twice, and have a boyfriend for some three years now.
I'm used to being a single mom. During my first marriage, my husband was barely there or present. He even took a one week trip to Dominican Republic once. I was so naïve I never thought anything of it. I figured he was never going to jeopardize what we had as a couple.
Needless to say, that marriage was a roller coaster, with unnoticeable sex. Yes, one shouldn't marry for sex or money so, why marry now? "To share memorable experiences in life, to grow old together, to face the good and the bad...", sounds depressing, really... maybe I am just not meant to be married, sigh... It just seems so right to me to live my moment... and I do not promote promiscuity, geez... I mean living the moment. Loneliness portrayed as something bad is a phony, I know a lot of lonely people that have been married for years, and what's wrong with loneliness anyhow?
Anyhow, he left me for a blue-eyed, fair-skinned woman, who in turn left him for some hooligan... It was 1995, and that was a turbulent divorce. I was set on never marrying again.
I remarried in 2000. My second former husband was (is) a very good man, hard working, good parent, great provider... missing the husband though... Truth be told he had to let me go. Seems like I can be a bit too much to handle.
Now I was truly set and all for living on my own. With my set of three wonderful children, I had this plan on living a "Witches of Eastwick" kind of life, without a man to tend, clean after or cater to.
Until he came around. Passionately furious he.
A fool among fools
I am a sucker for romance, as you've already figured. My boyfriend and I met at a bar. He asked me if I would give him some Salsa lessons. I brushed him off with: "School's closed" but he didn't fret. I didn't even take a good look at him. Handsome guy, but I wasn't interested. I just did not want any more complications. I wanted (want) to Live, Love, Laugh.
After a few months he showed me all three.
Now he's like part of the family. My children don't call him "Daddy" or anything like that, but they have grown fond of each other.
One day, my boyfriend and I sneaked out to my room, have left the children watching a movie in the living room. He wanted to show me once again what's that that comes right after "Live"...
My ten year old daughter, conniving little she, saw our move and decided to stand behind the door, where she heard her mommy kissing both Santa Claus and Toy Soldier.
How did mommy find out? Daughter told her younger brother all about it. Younger brother told his mommy. Mommy is speechless.
Let's Talk About Sex!
What to do?
In another hub of mine I state how I go for the Mary Poppins approach : "I don't explain anything." I know, is tough. Let me lay it out for you sweet mommies out there. Those that think you have to put your life on hold for the sake of your children. Those that view living as almost a sin. This is my frame of mind, most absolutely:
1) Sex is not a sin in any way or form. Sex is not bad. Sex is natural. Yes, like that George Michael song/sex anthem. Sex is the reason why we are here. If sex was not meant to be, we would've had the reproductive system of plants. We are meant to have pleasurable lives. Life should be a pleasure in itself. It is my right to be happy and sex is certainly part of that right.
2) Mommy has a right to live her life. As long as mommy fulfills her duties as a mommy, she is entitled to her free will. This free will should never go against or negatively affect her duties as a mommy because a great portion of her free will is to do a good job as a mommy. I am meant to be happy and to share my happiness with others. I am entitled to be sad as well as have a right to all of my emotions, but I do not have the right to make others miserable.
3) Closed doors mean privacy in effect. Mommy is especially entitled to her privacy. Absolutely under no circumstance should anyone be standing behind a closed door, particularly one that leads to mommy's room. If you are standing behind the closed door that leads to mommy's room you better be knocking that door the next second.
4) Under no circumstance is Mommy to apologize for exerting her right to be happy, aka for having sex with her boyfriend. In fact, she is owed an apology for having to endure anybody (especially her daughter) reduce that moment to mischievous gossip, which is absolutely distasteful.
I went on to explain my daughter how a body is ready for sex way before the mind or the spirit is. On some other occasion, I related to her how sex is more a sport for boys within a certain age group, whereas for girls means a great degree of compromise, love and affection. Being this the main reason she needs to safeguard herself for when her mind/spirit/soul have matured enough. Say, when she leaves the house and gets a job... mommy's wishful thinking.
No need to growl in order to discipline
All of these words, pieces of my mind and advises I gave to my daughter that afternoon. I did not hit her... As mad as I was I did not scream at her. I let her know my mind, woman to woman. Even though she's ten there are moments when you have to toot the adult horn to them pre-teens. Just like the court system will try some children as adults depending on the gravity of their crimes.
You might think is harsh, call it what you will. I'll tell you this, you can take my children to your house anytime and bring them back with a smile for the good time you had with them. It's called education, but we lost track of education. Like medicine, it can be sour, blunt... but in any event is effective and its side effects can lead to a lifetime of happiness.
Most important lesson my daughter learned from me that afternoon was to stand your ground. In another hub, I'll relate how she very well put such lesson into practice and, like Mommy, emerged triumphant.