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Nurturing and just being a loving parent

Updated on January 6, 2013


To love and nurture your child

I was always a shy kid and I preferred to live in my own world where I could be myself and I could feel hopeful and where I could experience happiness and accept myself even if I was different. I never felt I was different because I was just being me and I always felt that it was right to accept and be myself and the times I had to myself were the times I expressed the real me.

I had wonderful loving parents who were always there for me and raised me well. I have so many fond and happy memories of my childhood and of my parents. They were my support system and they always put my needs as well as my sister's ahead of their own needs. They were very loving and caring parents and they were always involved and committed in our lives. I am a better person because of my parents and I will never forget the wonderful times I had. I sometimes cry as I reflect back to those days because I truly miss my parents and all they stood for.

In a perfect world we would all have no problems and no secrets but we don't live in a perfect world so I did have a major secret that I never shared with anyone until much later in my life. I never shared my secret with my parents or my family. I was too afraid to and I did not know how my parents would react and growing up in the 1960's it was not understood the feelings I felt which always remained with me and will always remain with me. Although my parents were always so supportive I just never felt comfortable sharing my transgender identity with them so it remained my lifelong secret. I always felt as a child that if I was lucky enough to become a parent one day I would always want to accept and understand my child and I would vow to listen and advise them and to always be their support system like my parents were for me. I would never want my child to feel sad or feel alone or feel they can not share their feelings.

I am a father and I have a beautiful son who means the world to me. I am a much better person because of my son and I want more than anything to help and guide him in his life and teach him to love, honor and respect himself so he can do the same for others. In order to make a friend you have to be your own best friend and the only way you can achieve this is to have loving and nurturing parents who promote feelings of security and who encourage and teach confidence and self esteem. We all need to work on our confidence and our self image. We must always remain true to ourselves and we must love ourselves because that is the only way we can make it in our life and find happiness and contentment.

Having a son with special needs poses many challenges and growing up with challenges of my own I know and completely understand the fears, the difficulties, the insecurities and the isolation a child feels when they know they are different. I don't view my son as being different. I just view him as a wonderful child who has challenges and must learn how to deal with them. He is a remarkable boy and I know he has so much potential that i want him to know and live to tap into. I always felt I could make a difference in some way and I know my son can too. We all must believe in ourselves and we all need to have good influences in our life. It is essential if we ever want to find peace, love and happiness in our life. We also need to achieve and perform and to be attentive to all we do. We must learn to focus and to find the things we are good at. When I was a young boy I loved mathematics but it did not come easy for me in the beginning. In fact i got failing grades as a young student because I had a difficult time grasping the work in school. My mom recognized this and so did my 1st grade teacher so they helped me develop confidence and guided me in better understanding the concepts so eventually I would excel in mathematics. Over time my favorite subject in school became Mathematics and I was so happy to finally "get it" that I found doing the assignments quite fun.

I know we sometimes try to compare our lives to our children's and we really can't because we grew up in vastly different times and things change over time. I believe we must allow our children to be open and never feel afraid to talk or share their feelings. It is essential that we involve our children and nurture them and teach them about life and about the world. We only know what we live and experience so that is our gift to our children. It is so important to allow your child to feel comfortable, happy and free. We must let our children explore and learn and never feel afraid to open up and express themselves. I sometimes feel my son has many difficulties and i am not always there to help him as I wish to. i am a working parent and I also have my own issues which I am trying to integrate carefully into our family dynamics. It comes with challenge but my main goal is to not only find my own happiness but to teach my son to also find his and to never give up. My son has many good qualities to share and I want him to always know this and I want him to always focus on what he is good at so it will build his self esteem and teach him to love himself.

I have promised to help my son with his writings as he has expressed an interest in also maintaining a blog and writing and sharing his views on life as he sees the world in his own eyes. We all want to do something creative and if we can teach our children to appreciate this and help guide them then maybe they can do something they truly wish to. We all can "move mountains" if we truly believe in ourselves and we find it within ourselves to accept and appreciate who we are and what we believe in. I will share my blog and my son's blog and I will always continue to write and help my son too also. I feel as part of the nurturing process we must spend quality time with our children and involve them in things they like to do and wish to do. I became more interested in writing later in my life as a way to express the feelings and pain I lived with all throughout my life that I could never share with others face to face. As I write I have no barriers. I have no fears. It is just me and my thoughts and who I share my feelings and ideas with. We all want to find love and acceptance in our life and possibly to help others with the main focus on our children and our family. I also write because I need an outlet and I need to document my thoughts and my feelings as I feel it is better to be open and honest rather than closed up and deceitful.

I have hurt others because I was not open and honest and it was not my intention. I just was afraid of rejection and for my safety. It is not easy to reveal a part of yourself in a way that others can understand if the world is ignorant. Many are ignorant and don't want to understand differences or change. I feel otherwise. I think differences should be celebrated and widely accepted and we all should never live in fear. My son understands me and I understand him and that is what our lives should be about. It should be about understanding and acceptance because we are all wonderful in our own ways and we must always harness our beauty and our individuality if we truly want to make a positive difference in our lives. If we live in fear we can never achieve this but if we grow to understand ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves then we will never have "barriers" and the sky will always be the limit! In fact there will be no limits! I am a firm believer in hope and I will always maintain hope in my life, in my son's life, in my wife's life and overall I will have a good feeling about my life and who I am so I can be the best I can be for my son and deep down that is all I can hope for with the grace of God.

Peace to all of you and to my family especially.

Love you Matty!


Nurturing children

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My Transgender Life


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