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- Advice & Tips for Parents of Teens
Oh no, my teenage daughter came home at 03:30 last night! This is my strategy plan to prevent future occurrences!
So, now it has happened! After a long time of constant arguing over what time is the proper time for her to be home at night, the one thing that wasn’t supposed to happen, has happened anyway. My little darling, our beautiful daughter came home at 03:30 last night! And believe me, it’s really not okay! And now, what remains, is to try to understand why it happen and to develop a strategy plan to prevent it from happening again!
Why did it happen now?
That and many other horrible thoughts is what cross my mind during the long hour’s terrible hours in the night. Up until a few weeks ago, I have always felt that I could trust her. She has been where she has said she should be, (or at least I have thought so). And even if she has been out at evenings she has always come home on the time that was agreed or shortly after time. My daughter have always been careful, thorough, kind, careful to be fare, managed to keep track of her homework without help etc. And I am afraid that she is a little bit spoiled by us, she does not help that much in everyday task. Her only task is to keep her room tidy, and that isn’t a problem. Other than that, she does her homework, keep up in school, plays soccer, which means training two nights a week and a match at the weekend. She also attends fitness training ones a week and goes to confirmation class one night a week. Because of her busy schedule we have thought that it is quite enough. Personally, I think it is to much activity, but she has chosen it herself.
But the worst part is that she and her friend have developed to fast, none of them look like fourteen years anymore. And they attract older boys; it started with a few timid pimply guys a few years older than them. But now, the latest boy is at the age of nineteen! And he has a friend that is twentytwo years old! So, from thinking a few months ago, that boys on mopeds where exiting, they quickly switched over to guys with a licence! Neither I nor my husband has met those guys yet And until a week ago we didn't know they existed. But one can not help but wonder why boys at that age want to run around with two girls at the age of fourteen! My daughter says that they just look at a movie and hang out together.
I figured it out a week ago, when I talked to the mother of my daughter’s friend, and we realized that we both were deceived. We had been fooled by the classic trick; to believe our children when they say that they spend the night at their girlfriend’s house. We figured out that they must have been sleeping somewhere else! When confronted, we ended up with different answers about where they were that night. So, after that we have forbidden her to associate with the older boys until we have met them.
But, back to last night. When leaving in the evening, she said that she was going to a nearby village by bus, for a girl’s night with friends. She said she would go home with a friend’s mom. And the agreed time was 23:00. At 23:30 I text her, asking why she wasn't home yet. And she answer that the mom couldn't come and she had to stay the night. Oh, no I said. You will not stay the night! Unfortunately, me and my spouse had been drinking vine to dinner and couldn't drive and pick her up. So, the solution was that she took the late night bus with some friends, and came home at 03:30.
The strategy plan!
We have done the talking strategy. We have tried the forbidden strategy. So, now we have another plan! Since she cant be trusted until she have prove the contrary, the following applies:
- She would have to "pay back" the hours she was late last night, by that she must come home one hour earlier than before the entire upcoming month.
- We will at all occasions make arrangements where I shall pick her up, and decide the time.
- If she is late, I will come and pick her up, where ever she is, and the time she is late will be added to the pay-back time.
- If I cant find her, and I am forced to drive around looking for her, she will have to pay for the gasoline that is spent from her monthly allowance.
If this doesn't work either, we go for the money strategy!
What I really would like to do, is to lock her in, until she is older and wiser. Or does anybody have another tip?