- Family and Parenting
One More Do-Over (Putting the Pain to Rest)
As a child, I don’t remember much, I do know we were poor and I had to share everything with my brother and sister. My mother worked hard to provide for us, but to me, it was never enough. So I became very rebellious. No matter what my mother told me to do, I somehow would find a way to do the opposite, causing her to become extremely angry at me over and over again. My dream to become a singer, a mega rock star was fading fast so I decided I had to get out and see the world. So I ran away from home. It was hard and so many people took advantage of me but I didn’t care, I wanted to be a singer so badly. I knew I had talent, I just had to present it to the world. It’s different now than it was back then. You had to have raw talent. No fake studios or voice alterations or any of that. If you got a record deal, you better believe you deserved it. Things started happening so fast for me, so fast, I got pregnant. I didn’t mean to. My mother had told me so many times over and over, don’t get pregnant, stop running around, you’re going to regret it one day. I remember she used to beat me with a switch. For those of you too young to remember what a switch is, it a branch from that big oak tree in the front yard of your grandmother’s house. Or maybe you had one in yours. I remember I use to slip out of the bedroom window at night after my mother went to sleep. Slip into the night to meet up with a man that was twice my age. It didn’t make since then but it does now. My mother never did whip me on the day I was bad, she would wait until she thought I had forgotten about and then wham, and I would be thrown to alertness out of a deep sleep by the stinging of those branches hitting my naked legs. She told me she was going to punish me for slipping out of the house at night but I was hard headed and I didn’t listen. At 15, I was pregnant and at 16, I was married. The only good thing I got out of this whole situation was a beautiful 8lb 10 oz. son. He was so beautiful, as a matter of fact, he is so handsome now. I love him with all my heart but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t be so quick to leave home and I would listen to my mother because she was right. My mother, I realize it now, only wanted the best for me. She could really see into the future. There were three things she told me that I will never forget: 1. Stop running around, you’ll have plenty of time to run, grow up first. 2. If you want to get out of this hell hole, finish school, get the ammunition you need to open those doors and 3. Never take another women’s husband because someone is going to take yours. I thought to myself, yea right. I’m not going to let another women walk into my life and take my husband but my mother was right and I am so sorry that I disrespected her so bad. I am so sorry that I broke her heart and I wish that I could just have 1 more do-over to make things right.
One more do-over, if I could have one, I would never slip out of the house at night again and I would stay at home and focus on my homework and finish school with honors. I would tell my mother, thank you for loving me, for putting clothes on my back and food in my stomach each and every day. To my wonderful son, I’m so sorry that I was not the mother that you should have had. I should have been with you every day of your life, watching you grow and teaching you. For this I am sorry, and I love you with all my heart. And to the women whose husband I stole, wherever you are and if you are reading this, I am so sorry for breaking up your home, I am so sorry for making you cry and I am so sorry for destroying your life. Please forgive me.
To all the young ladies growing up that think they know everything and don’t have to listen to their mother, think about it. If you can’t see into the future, take my advice and get your life in order. You might be running the show now but you might not get a do over. Regret should never be a part of your life. Stay True2U.