- Family and Parenting
Over Controlling Parents?... No Such Thing!!!!
Are Children Responsible Enough?
For Those Who Believe Parents Can be Over Controlling
I have to say, when I hear the criticism about parent’s who spoil their children, I usually tend to agree, but… any day, I would rather see a parent spoil a child than neglect one. That’s the same direction I find myself going in response to those who feel that there is such a thing as an "over-controlling parent". Personally, I think that today’s parents aren’t having enough input, influence or responsibility of their children’s lives, let alone being "over-controlling". If I had to choose, I would rather see a parent have too much control rather than not enough. I would rather see a parent making too many choices for their children and feel the need to be that involved than to stand back and watch a person with no legs try to walk. Yes, children are individuals and they should embrace their individuality…but they aren’t even capable, at the very least due to continuing brain development, to make appropriate decisions for every occasion, cope adequately or fully understand long-term consequences.
Some say over controlling parents believe that children are blank slates that they can control and dictate to. I don’t think a lot of parents are over controlling because they feel the need to control but rather they fear what happens if they aren’t assisting their children in their choices.
As parents we are responsible for “molding” our children into whom they become. If we don’t, they will only find the influences elsewhere. I am a parent myself, and I am a “soft parent” I am very far from being over controlling but it is only because I don’t have the courage. I am the psychological parent; I base everything on reasoning, why we do things, why we should and why we shouldn’t. I know that I can teach my children all of the morals and values they will every need inside of my home, it is what happens when they walk out my door that I know I lose control. When they are exposed to the outside world they are subjected to picking up immoral behavior and poor values. We need to do the molding.
The good old days
Rewind twenty to thirty years. Remember the days of “Yes, Sir” and “Yes Ma’am”? Does anyone remember when please and thank you were used as often as um and but? Remember the days when girls were expected to wear dresses and boys wore button up collar shirts? Children are just that, children. They are blank slates and we need to fill the slates in for them, teach them how to begin to understand how to fill in their slates and then stand by and watch them when the time comes to see if we have taught them well. There needs to be a dominant parent vs. child role in the house. We have no business letting children believe they are our equals because then they think that their judgment is as sufficient as ours and it just simply isn’t. That isn’t to say we shouldn't have respect for our children and express our respect. We do need to respect our children, and I think that respect in general is dying out, but children are in need of our guidance and if we don’t teach them the right way they will grow up to resent us later.
My intentions are to point out that we are losing the adult versus child role in today's society. There needs to be lines between teachers and students, parents and children, children and their elders; we are not equal, not yet. Children need guidance and we need to guide them in a healthy environment. However, there is such a thing as simply being a bad parent. Don't confuse abuse, with over controlling. There are the unfortunate circumstances where parents physcially, emotionally, psychologically, mentally or sexually abuse their children, while that is clearly a matter of control, it is clearly more than a matter of control; it is abuse. Controlling of any person is generally a bad/abusive situation, but children have different needs than capable adults. Some people simply feel the need to control others in an abusive way and often times their children are no exception. This is a case of someone that would need professional help and it should not be stood for and reported if witnessed.
My goal is to get people to wake up and realize that the world is turning out some pretty ugly characters and if we have the honor of molding beautiful children into productive, healthy adults then we should take advantage of that opportunity.