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Overcoming Self-rejection: a Personal Story

Updated on September 12, 2015

I thought I had just written a pretty cool hub and then Internet Explorer crashed! Don't you hate that? So now I have to start from scratch. Oh for the inspiration to return!


From the Darkness of Depression

Do you suffer from self-rejection, low self-esteem or even depression? Or do you know someone who does? Well, then sit back, make yourself comfy and lets see if I can shed any light on the situation.

For me I would have been diagnosed as the classic basket-case. My friends still call me mad or crazy but now it's a compliment or I take it as such, lol. I had a very low self-esteem and I really hated school. I know the latter is not necessarily a symptom of self-rejection or depression but more a case of sanity, lol. But let me explain what I experienced at school. I would go home regularly with bruises on my arms and legs from being treated as the No.1 punching bag by school colleagues. While the physical pain hurt like hell it was the namecalling and the rejection that hurt like hell. To be called useless and ugly and told to go and kill yourself really rips up your heart and sense of self-worth. Oh back to the physical humiliation. This included being hooked up by my belt, with me still inside, onto the coat hooks outside the school gym, and left dangling mercilessly. But the inner pain also resided in the fear of rejection. I feared that people would get to know me and then leave me like all my other friends. I remember the first day at highschool in which when meeting new friends someone said "Don't associate with him, he's not worth it!" I thought this was a new beginning, but in fact the treatment was worse at highschool - as already outlined.

So what can someone do to overcome the fear of rejection or self-rejection or depression. First of all if its depression don't exclude the possiblity it is associated with low energy. I have some days where the weather suddenly changes and then I have no energy or motivation. Maybe it's also a case of not enough sleep. So what can we do to get more energy? Well, we could eat muesli for breakfast, or lunch if needed. Therefore consult a nutritionist or alternatively research energy foods on google - and I don't mean blobbing with junk food and singing "All by my sellllff" like Bridget Jones, lol.

19 Ways to Overcome Self-rejection

Oh, where was I? Ah, that's right my advice. OK, here goes:

1. Acknowledge you can't make it on your own. You need help. Related to this is that someone has created you and therefore knows you much more intimately and intricately than you know yourself. Therefore cry out to God, "Help Me, I need you!" I recommend this even if you don't believe in God. Because just because you don't believe doesn't mean He is not real.

2. Say a prayer, telling God like you would a friend you really trusted, all your problems. Don't worry you're not dumping on God cause He's got really broad shoulders and went through much greater suffering than you ever will. You know, Jesus suffered to the tenth degree through being beaten physically, as well as most of His friends running away, and even people who once hailed him as the Messiah ended up crying for His death. Oh, don't forget one of his friends betrayed him to death and one of his closest friends denied even being his friend.

3. Share your problems with someone who is willing to listen. A Church counsellor is very good because they normally don't have wacky ideas related to the latest wacky psychology.

4. Be positive. Do not be negative about yourself. Change the way your brain thinks. It's not a case of think only happy thoughts but being positive in the way you view things. If you are negative about yourself you will be negative about others and even view others in the wrong light. For example you might be jealous about someone you think has it all together - when in fact that person doesn't think they do. Or you may idiolise a movie star who isn't even happy with their life.

5. Take up a new hobby. It's a great way to meet people and take off the focus of poor-me.

6. Set yourself a realistic goal/vision. Ask God to give you one. Ask God what His will for you is. Put some time and energy into achieving that goal. Do you realise that sportsmen and women have to put a lot of energy into achieving their goals or sports dreams?

7. Do not spend too much time on your own. Moping does not help! Related to this is do not navel-gaze. If your chin is down then you do not see the wonderful things around you. Nor do you see the person hurting more than you who needs your help cause no one else is reaching out to them.

8. Join a group of people who will accept you for who you are and won't use you. To be on the safe side I'd recommend to join a Christian group. Also related to this is join a group which does outreach to the poor, the lonely, the sick, etc. This will give you a sense of worth, of mission.

9. We feel worthless, so we need to feel like we're worth something. Stand in front of the mirror and thank God for who he created you to be. If you've got ears that you think are too large, thank God for them. If you think that your feet are too big, thank God. If there's anything about your body that you 'hate' thank God and think about the person who doesn't have that part of the body or can't use it.

10. If you're living on your own and you know that you need to be with others then make arrangements to flat or board.

11. Take some time away from TV. Take some time to BE, not to VEGETATE!

12. If the music you're listening to leaves you depressed, change that music!

13. Don't believe negative stuff others taunt you with. But if they are trying to help listen to see if there is something you can change.

14. Speak positively of yourself. Don't put yourself down~

15. Rebuke Satan, because he wants you to be miserable. He doesn't want you to know God's love because he is so jealous!

16. If someone encourages you, do not simply shrugg it off. Accept what they say and thank them. It's helpful to write it down too as it helps later when you feel down. If it relates to a miserable thought then you know that thought was a LIE! Writing it down also cements it in your brain and helps you to believe it. When two or three people tell you the same thing you know it is true!

17. Encourage others when you see them doing something good. Whether it is to do with their character or talents let them know you appreciate it. Also if they offer to help them thank them for their generosity. This assists you to not just see people's faults but also helps you to see their good points, assisting your brain in training it to be positive. Think positively cause your brain loves to be negative.

18. Try and smile more. Sometimes it takes a decision to snap out of a down moment or depression.

19. If none of these help you then you could go to a professional - e.g. visit your local doctor, priest, pastor or counsellor.

This advice was updated from my book, "Set Free!"

God bless

Brendan Roberts



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    • profile image

      need that! 

      7 years ago


    • godfactauthor profile imageAUTHOR

      Brendan Roberts 

      8 years ago from Auckland

      Hi Bubba

      Yes, we can like distancing ourselves as it is our comfort zone, it's what we are used to. Maybe if you had more friends who didn't complicate your life but who loved you for who you are and whom you could truly love too then maybe it would be different. I must disagree regarding to your take on Jesus and self-rejection. We are not called to self-loathe but we are called to consider others first. We are made in the image and likeness of God and so we should not loathe ourselves. We can loathe sin and so when we fail God or others. We are called to love others as we love ourselves. Yes, we fall short at times, but like St. Peter we are called to get up and carry on. This what transformation in Christ is about.

    • godfactauthor profile imageAUTHOR

      Brendan Roberts 

      8 years ago from Auckland

      Hi GoGranny! I'm so glad that reading my hub was so timely! I hope you have been able to overcome what you were going through! God bless.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I am self rejecting and distant in feeling and most of the time I like it that way. I wonder why people feel like they need more than one or two people close to them. If you are liked by everyone chances are you have worked to that end. In light of how we get in this condition it is the poor behavior of ourselves and others that cause us to feel rejection of self. I find that spending alot of time with God and his people actually increase this, as it brings all new light to the fallen nature of people. When weighed against Jesus and his 12 apostles we should all be self loathing. I suspect you nor anyone else measures up to the lives of these great men. Experiences cause us to challenge our thoughts and beliefs and it is that critical thinking that we use to feed the critisizm of ourselves and others. Just my thoughts on this. Maybe I will come back here to see a response some day.

    • GoGranny profile image


      9 years ago from Southeastern PA

      Finding this hub was timely for me as I am going through something right now. I guess that's what it takes to appreciate your message. Thank you much!

    • godfactauthor profile imageAUTHOR

      Brendan Roberts 

      10 years ago from Auckland

      Hi Cliff!

      I'm so glad that my hug has touched your heart. Of course self-rejection does not mean one is just one-step away from killing themselves. Self-rejection merely means someone does not themselves for who they are. You even see it with some models who to us look ultra-beautiful but to themselves they might hate one part of their body. But St. Paul says it beautifully, our bodies are not own but have been bought by Jesus Christ and they are a temple of the Holy Spirit.

      The first thing is travelling the path of healing is acknowledging that you have self-rejection. I praise God for your friend who pointed that out to you. Now is the time to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively about yourself and others and turn any negativity into a prayer. Let me know how those steps I outlined help.

      I have also written an entire book called "Set Free!" Llet me know if you want to learn more about how to get a copy.

      God bless

      Brendan Roberts

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Just read your hub and identified, quite stongly in fact, with your childhood.

      Just had email exchange with friend who suggested I had "self rejection", which prompted me to look it up and I come accross this. My friends first email offended me as self rejection made me think that I'm only one step away from killing myself, which I'm not. So I sent him an angry email back saying that some people should be careful what they think God is telling them as they could cause more harm than good. So now after reading your hub I'll try to keep an open mind to this and practice the steps you outlined

    • godfactauthor profile imageAUTHOR

      Brendan Roberts 

      11 years ago from Auckland

      Thanks Research Analyst! Have you checked out my website yet?

      God bless


    • profile image


      11 years ago

      Brendan - great writing. I can't agree more, I am working through something similar. Perhaps without the intensity you experienced, definately that sense of rejection. Something that does haunt you later in life if you haven't learned to let go of it. Great to see others 'making it', validation in knowing that it's tough to work through, but it can be done. Learning to do the OPPOSITE of what we feel comfortable in doing.

    • Research Analyst profile image

      Research Analyst 

      11 years ago

      nice hub.


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