Overcoming Self-rejection: a Personal Story
I thought I had just written a pretty cool hub and then Internet Explorer crashed! Don't you hate that? So now I have to start from scratch. Oh for the inspiration to return!
From the Darkness of Depression
Do you suffer from self-rejection, low self-esteem or even depression? Or do you know someone who does? Well, then sit back, make yourself comfy and lets see if I can shed any light on the situation.
For me I would have been diagnosed as the classic basket-case. My friends still call me mad or crazy but now it's a compliment or I take it as such, lol. I had a very low self-esteem and I really hated school. I know the latter is not necessarily a symptom of self-rejection or depression but more a case of sanity, lol. But let me explain what I experienced at school. I would go home regularly with bruises on my arms and legs from being treated as the No.1 punching bag by school colleagues. While the physical pain hurt like hell it was the namecalling and the rejection that hurt like hell. To be called useless and ugly and told to go and kill yourself really rips up your heart and sense of self-worth. Oh back to the physical humiliation. This included being hooked up by my belt, with me still inside, onto the coat hooks outside the school gym, and left dangling mercilessly. But the inner pain also resided in the fear of rejection. I feared that people would get to know me and then leave me like all my other friends. I remember the first day at highschool in which when meeting new friends someone said "Don't associate with him, he's not worth it!" I thought this was a new beginning, but in fact the treatment was worse at highschool - as already outlined.
So what can someone do to overcome the fear of rejection or self-rejection or depression. First of all if its depression don't exclude the possiblity it is associated with low energy. I have some days where the weather suddenly changes and then I have no energy or motivation. Maybe it's also a case of not enough sleep. So what can we do to get more energy? Well, we could eat muesli for breakfast, or lunch if needed. Therefore consult a nutritionist or alternatively research energy foods on google - and I don't mean blobbing with junk food and singing "All by my sellllff" like Bridget Jones, lol.
19 Ways to Overcome Self-rejection
Oh, where was I? Ah, that's right my advice. OK, here goes:
1. Acknowledge you can't make it on your own. You need help. Related to this is that someone has created you and therefore knows you much more intimately and intricately than you know yourself. Therefore cry out to God, "Help Me, I need you!" I recommend this even if you don't believe in God. Because just because you don't believe doesn't mean He is not real.
2. Say a prayer, telling God like you would a friend you really trusted, all your problems. Don't worry you're not dumping on God cause He's got really broad shoulders and went through much greater suffering than you ever will. You know, Jesus suffered to the tenth degree through being beaten physically, as well as most of His friends running away, and even people who once hailed him as the Messiah ended up crying for His death. Oh, don't forget one of his friends betrayed him to death and one of his closest friends denied even being his friend.
3. Share your problems with someone who is willing to listen. A Church counsellor is very good because they normally don't have wacky ideas related to the latest wacky psychology.
4. Be positive. Do not be negative about yourself. Change the way your brain thinks. It's not a case of think only happy thoughts but being positive in the way you view things. If you are negative about yourself you will be negative about others and even view others in the wrong light. For example you might be jealous about someone you think has it all together - when in fact that person doesn't think they do. Or you may idiolise a movie star who isn't even happy with their life.
5. Take up a new hobby. It's a great way to meet people and take off the focus of poor-me.
6. Set yourself a realistic goal/vision. Ask God to give you one. Ask God what His will for you is. Put some time and energy into achieving that goal. Do you realise that sportsmen and women have to put a lot of energy into achieving their goals or sports dreams?
7. Do not spend too much time on your own. Moping does not help! Related to this is do not navel-gaze. If your chin is down then you do not see the wonderful things around you. Nor do you see the person hurting more than you who needs your help cause no one else is reaching out to them.
8. Join a group of people who will accept you for who you are and won't use you. To be on the safe side I'd recommend to join a Christian group. Also related to this is join a group which does outreach to the poor, the lonely, the sick, etc. This will give you a sense of worth, of mission.
9. We feel worthless, so we need to feel like we're worth something. Stand in front of the mirror and thank God for who he created you to be. If you've got ears that you think are too large, thank God for them. If you think that your feet are too big, thank God. If there's anything about your body that you 'hate' thank God and think about the person who doesn't have that part of the body or can't use it.
10. If you're living on your own and you know that you need to be with others then make arrangements to flat or board.
11. Take some time away from TV. Take some time to BE, not to VEGETATE!
12. If the music you're listening to leaves you depressed, change that music!
13. Don't believe negative stuff others taunt you with. But if they are trying to help listen to see if there is something you can change.
14. Speak positively of yourself. Don't put yourself down~
15. Rebuke Satan, because he wants you to be miserable. He doesn't want you to know God's love because he is so jealous!
16. If someone encourages you, do not simply shrugg it off. Accept what they say and thank them. It's helpful to write it down too as it helps later when you feel down. If it relates to a miserable thought then you know that thought was a LIE! Writing it down also cements it in your brain and helps you to believe it. When two or three people tell you the same thing you know it is true!
17. Encourage others when you see them doing something good. Whether it is to do with their character or talents let them know you appreciate it. Also if they offer to help them thank them for their generosity. This assists you to not just see people's faults but also helps you to see their good points, assisting your brain in training it to be positive. Think positively cause your brain loves to be negative.
18. Try and smile more. Sometimes it takes a decision to snap out of a down moment or depression.
19. If none of these help you then you could go to a professional - e.g. visit your local doctor, priest, pastor or counsellor.
This advice was updated from my book, "Set Free!"