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Overprotective Parents- Word To The Wise: Your Kids Are Going to HATE You!
YOU Will Be MY LITTLE BABY For ALL ETERNITY.......DON'T You FORGET THAT..........
Let Go Of MY CHILD..........NEVER, NEVER....
Let ME Do That For You Dear..........
You' re Leaving? Why? You Have So Good At Home.........Don't Leave!
Overprotective Parents Make Their Children Severely Handicapped In Multiple Ways
There is an old adage which states that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Overprotective parents do not know how their hovering and coddling of their children are irreparably damaging and crippling them for life. Yes, parental duty entails loving and protecting a child when the occasion arises but overprotective parents often do these things to the point of detriment instead of benefit.
While overprotective parents have existed from time immemorial, this phenomena has become quite prevalent in the very late 20th and early 21st centuries. These parents believe that their children should be protected as much from life's catastrophes as possible. They further contended that their children's childhoods should be as free and unencumbered as possible. In other words, their children should have as little responsibilities as possible- they should be "children" first and foremost.
These are the children whose parents schedule their every move from dancing school, music lessons to sports activities. These parents are loathe to leave their children unsupervised because they believe that children who are unsupervised are more likely to get into trouble and/or indulge in deleterious activities. Children of overprotective parents are often kept on close watch. If they are not supervised and/or chaperoned by their parents, they are often at home.
These children are often inundated by their parents that the world is a very dangerous place to be in. They are raised to be timid and fearful which makes them risk aversive. Unlike children of less protective and free range parents who are allowed to explore and savor their environment, these children are kept under lock and key both literally and metaphorically.
Children with free range parents learn to have confidence in their abilities and to be street smart. Children with overprotective parents are often at the mercy of their environment. They are not savvy in the least. These children are often the victims of bullies who can detect a child with no sense of independence and street savvy.
Children of overprotective parents are more likely to be targeted at school by bullies because of their extreme vulnerability and dependence. Studies show that bullies are likely to target children who are timid and have no self-confidence. Bullies seldom, or never, pick on children who are independent, savvy, and street smart as these children will give bullies a run for their monies.
Overprotective parents abhor the idea of their children's independence as that would threaten the parent-child bond. I remember at work, one supervisor stated that she did not want independent children. She believed that independence has no place in childhood. She contended that it was the parents' responsibility to do as much as possible for the child.
Overprotective parents want their children to be totally dependent upon them even at an age beyond its appropriateness. They, as parents, only feel good and powerful when their children are dependent upon them. They feel whole and needed as parents. Many times, overprotective parents make their children the entire focus of their lives. They often have few or no friends and/or outside interests to occupy them. So as a result, their children become their main and only focus.
Overprotective parents view their children not as individuals in their own rights but as extensions of them and/or dolls to mold. Children to overprotective parents are 24/7/365 projects. They view raising children as an arduous task without any type of levity. These are the parents who strive to have their children's childhood as perfect and blissful as possible. These parents do not want ANYTHING bad to happen to their children.
Overprotective parents believe that their children should be protected from mistakes, failures, and frustrations as much as possible. They contend that it is not a child's purview to experience the mistakes and frustrations of life. They asserted that if children are exposed to such things, they become discouraged and disillusioned.
Overprotective parents further maintain that their children should never be exposed to hardship. To these parents, any parent who let their children experience hardship is a cruel parent. These parents are the parents who often do their children's homework for them. They also confront teachers when their children have any perceived difficulties in school. I remember in the eighth grade, there was a particularly strict teacher who gave the pupils no quarter. Well, there was a quite overprotective mother who asserted that her precious daughter was treated unfairly by this teacher because she received a B instead of an A in one subject. This mother sent a petition to have the teacher expelled.
Well, to make a long story short, the teacher was expelled. However, when the daughter attended a rigorous high school, she failed within the first semester because she could not handle the rigorous regimen. This extremely overprotective mother protected her daughter to make her unable to survive the regimen of an A high school.
Many adolescent children of overprotective parents are often at a loss both emotionally and psychologically. While many of their peers from less protective homes are navigating towards independence, they are often overscheduled by their parents into what activities and/or events they should participate in. There is an instance of a noted celebrity who stated that her parents scheduled music lessons that she had to take until she was 18 years of age. This celebrity noted that her parents stated that the music lessons was completely nonnegotiable.
There is more instance in the news and media that parental overprotectiveness does not cease once the child reaches college age. There are instances where parents elect to board with their children in their dormitories. This is in addition to some overprotective parents deciding what college their children should attend and what courses they should take.
Of course, these children of overprotective parents feel as if they are not respected as individuals. They further contend that their parents view them as children instead of burgeoning adults. The average overprotective parent does not respect and/or admire their children at all but view them as an appendage to mold to their will.
It has been stated repeatedly that children of overprotective parents end up to be failures in careers and in life. They are more likely to be unemployed and/or unemployable than children of more free range parents who were raised to be highly independent. Children of overprotective parents are viewed as liabilities by many teachers, college instructors, and future employers.
Many employers clearly express dismay at the rise of overprotected children in the workplace. They remark how infantile they are, being unable to take risks and using initiative in the workplace. In day to day events, such children are not street savvy and do not know how to look after themselves. In relationships, they are utter failures. They do not have the maturity relating to the art of comprise and leadership.
Many children of overprotective parents often stayed mired in the dependency status all of their lives. They became so attached to their parents that it is difficult to detach although the relationship is quite a dysfunctional one. They are often afraid to venture out on their own as they believe that they are not capable of being self-sufficient.
There are some overprotective parents who fail to realize the damage they have done to their children until their children are well into adulthood. These parents often blame their children for their irresponsible behavior, wondering why their children are so immature. Well, duh they made them that way!
Some overprotected children prefer to remain in their symbiotic state until it is quite too late. There are still others who elect to rebel and detach from their parents beginning in their early teens. They realize how their parents' overprotectiveness retarded them socially, emotionally, and psychologically thus deciding to take matters into their own hands. There are some children who elect to attend schools and colleges away from home in order to gain the independence that was disallowed at home.
Many children, in fact, learn to hate and detest their overprotective parents because they are not allowed to develop the skills essential to succeed and thrive in life. They furthermore realize that they are behind their peers regarding the prerequisite social, street, and survival skills. They also contend that their parents have handicapped them by making them risk aversive, anxious, and decision challenged by doing too much for them in their formative years.
While many overprotective parents believe that their children will thank them for their parenting style, the opposite occurs. Seldom does one hear appreciation of overprotective parents from their children. In fact, one often hears derision and/or worse epithets to describe such a parenting style. Children, on the whole, clearly do not appreciate parents who hold a tight and prohibitive rein on them.
Children want and desire independence because it makes them competent and self-confident. Children love to try things themselves and gloat when they accomplish the task. Nothing is worse for children whose parents constantly interfere with them performing a task and/or preventing them for doing a task. Children whose parents constantly do tasks for them are set up to be cripples in life.
There are some children of overprotective parents who permanently sever familial ties in order to be their own persons and not appendages of their parents. Many overprotective parents often wonder why their children either see them as little as possible and/or not at all. Most of the worst relationships between parents and children are often that of overprotective parents and their children.
Overprotective parents never view their children as capable people but always as children to be taken care of and rescued. No matter what their age, children of overprotective parents are just that-CHILDREN, nothing more. Nothing is worse in life that your parents treating you as an incompetent child even though you are an adult.
In summation, overprotective parents cripple their children in multiple ways. Children of overprotective parents end up to be risk aversive and anxious regarding confronting life situations. They also are decision and leadership challenged. They are utter failures regarding career, life, and relationship opportunities.
Overprotective parents often view their children as appendages to mold to their liking and to rescue. Often this rescue is to the point of detriment. These parents oftentimes do more harm to their children than good.
As a result of the stifling environment in the homes of overprotective parents, their children often miss out on life developing opportunities. Children of overprotective parents are often behind their peers in terms of social, emotional, and psychological development. They are often infantilized beyond their years.
Many children learn to hate their overprotective parents for the harm they have done. The average overprotective parent believes that he/she has given their children the BEST possible life. However, they do not realize that they have given their children the WORST life there is. Remember, the road to HELL was paved with supposed "good" intentions!
© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams